Have an Inner Critic? HALT the Assault
“You’ll never publish a book!”
“Your book idea isn’t anything good.”
“Getting published is too hard. You’ll be rejected.”
“You’re too old to do this.”
Sound familiar?
That’s the voice of an Inner Critic. Most specifically, mine.
Are you acquainted with the Inner Critic? It’s that niggling little voice in your head that brings discouragement, disappointment and defeat every chance it gets.
There isn’t a woman I know that hasn’t done some hard time with the Inner Critic. Even the most beautiful, accomplished, intelligent out there battle against negative thoughts that threaten to undermine their successes and their aspirations. And while it’s not my intent with this post to analyze where that Voice comes from or who it sounds like (Moms already get blamed for more than their fair share), I do know a few things about it:
Inner Critics don’t fight fair! They practice Guerrilla Warfare, pouncing on us when we least expect it, and at our most vulnerable, like when we’re starting a new project, or trying to form healthy habits. Inner Critics are Thought Terrorists! What they’re really after is sabotaging our success.
Inner Critics try to convince us that we’ll never be any good, in spite of a mountain of evidence to the contrary. Ever just complete a really great piece of writing, and the rave reviews are coming in, and you think to yourself, “Oh, they’re just being nice to me. I’m not that great.” ? Not only is negative self talk illogical, it shows no mercy. Its primary objective is to create feelings of shame and guilt, so they attack our soft underbelly: who we are. Attacking what we do is secondary.
Inner Critics prey upon our vulnerabilities. They know all about those sensitive areas we try to keep hidden from the rest of the world (and, at times, ourselves): Insecurities about our skills. Embarrassment over our weight or age. Fear concerning our lack of experience. And the Mother of all Weak Spots :
Our past. The Inner Critic is the Queen of Mean and she has a very long memory. Remember those half-written novels on your hard drive? She’ll bring them up. How about that scathing critique you received on one of your novellas? Uh huh, she’s got it. Got a rejection letter or two in your file? She’ll throw THAT crap up in your face like so much napalm, and is relentless in attempting to use our real or imagined “failures” to kill off our hopes and dreams.
So what can we do to protect ourselves from being bombarded by the Inner Critic?
Writer and soon to be author Janece Herrington
H.A.L.T the assault:
HONOR YOUR JOURNEY. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to stop feeding the beast inside by rehearsing the past. Forgive yourself for any mistakes and missteps you’ve had. EVERYONE falls short of the mark at some point. We all screw up royally at times. AND, we are also BRILLIANT and extraordinary!! Don’t compare yourself to others. Everything – the good, the bad, and the fugly, make you the fabulous person you are today. The past doesn’t exist anymore, so why carry yesterday’s trash into today’s fresh field of potential?
ACCEPT THE INNER CRITIC. Granted, some people appear to be free of the torments of an inner dialogue that is less than supportive and kind. But the majority of us have to deal with this thing. Trying to ignore it, hoping it’ll go away on its own, is a recipe for disaster. Remember, whatever we don’t acknowledge about ourselves, we end up projecting onto other.
If you do not tell the truth about yourself
you cannot tell it about other people.
~ Virginia Woolf ~
So embrace your Inner Critic. Invite her to lunch, and acknowledge her existence. Accepting What Is, gives us the space and courage to change. Denial is a dead end street.
LET IT GO. No, seriously! Just let the thought go right on through! We are not our thoughts. Our thoughts are as birds flying across the sky of our awareness. Sure, it may stop momentarily overhead, but we don’t have to allow it to build a nest in our hair. When the thought, “I’m a terrible writer” flies in, shoo it away! If you latch onto it, and then think about it over and over and over again, it will hunker down and embed itself in your head. Show it the door as soon as it appears. It takes some practice, but practice makes…well, you know. And finally:
TALK TO YOURSELF. No, not in that “Crazy Aunt Martha” sort of way. Practice affirmations. Say nice, uplifting things about yourself and about where you want to be in life. Put little Post-it Notes around that say things like “I know with time and effort I can accomplish my goals” or “I am a creative writer who enjoys great success” or my personal favorite, “Janece Herrington, NY Times Best Selling Author!”
Nothing will shut up the Queen of Mean faster than a well-rehearsed Love Fest. It’s like a force field of positive energy surrounding us. One fun little trick I use is to write on the bathroom mirror in red lipstick! How many times a day do you look in the mirror? Right? It’s actually a terrific place to remind myself of my worth and potential – right there where I can look myself in the eye and sweet talk the Inner Bitch Critic into submission.
The Inner Critic in our heads can be silenced with a little practice and some heavy artillery. We can HALT THE ASSAULT, and turn the Queen of Mean into our very own Fairy Godmother. Hers can be the Voice that motivates us to do our best quality work, to keep pushing forward, and to achieve our goals.
So how about it? Do YOU have an Inner Critic in your head that need to be silenced?
—
Connect with Janece Herrington on Twitter @JHerrington_CA. Visit her website, www.TheWildPomegranate.com.
Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing, US American Women Writers
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- What I Learned On My Writer’s Vacation | writerwithadayjob | March 27, 2012
- Abracadabra! | THE WILD POMEGRANATE | November 4, 2011
In my experience, the inner critic is like a pit bull puppy. It can be trained to be a valuable friend and source of strength, but left to its own devices it can grow up mean and out of control. I recommend to my students that they write out conversations with their inner critics, which can prove to be extremely enlightening.
Thanks for this, as our book is about to hit the presses, I am bolstering my courage to face my inner critic as I anticipate the external critics.
Hi Janece,
It’s clear from the mountain of response to your piece that most of us have to do battle with the inner tormentor! Thanks for the tips on how to win the war – very encouraging. Wishing you every success with your writing – Catherine
Janece,
I think you’ve really nailed it here. The inner critic for me is a persistent little bug, and it often seems so easy to get derailed into negative self-talk. Have you also noticed that other (non-writing) events can make our I.C. return or cry even louder at various times in the writing year? You offer great insight and advice.
Great post, Janece. I’ve struggled with the IC for years. The most helpful resource I’ve found for it is the book “Embracing Your Inner Critic” by Hal and Sidra Stone. Here’s a link to one of their website articles on the topic. http://delos-inc.com/articles/The_Top_Twelve_Traits_Of_The_Inner_Critic.htm
Your thoughts are very much in line with theirs–most of us try to shoo the IC away, but instead we should listen to it to hear what it is trying to tell us (although not very nicely!) and then gently dismiss it. The messages are actually very helpful, if not the method. The intention of the IC is to help us to do our best, to be prepared, to do our homework. Unfortunately, it feels like it has to beat us over the head to get us to listen. My favorite suggestion of theirs is, after listening and assuring the IC we WILL do our best, to tell it to go take a nap!
Thanks for reminding us what we have in common as women, and opening up the forum for suggestions.
Best,
Elaine
Elaine, thank you for the link! I’ve never heard of Hal and Sidra Stone, and I liked the article very much 🙂 Love the ‘take a nap’ line, too!
Many thanks for your thoughtful comment!
That was a really inspirational read. Partly because it is easy to forget that anyone who embarks on a creative project has that Inner Critic lurking inside. We are not alone, even when the IC convinces us we are. Is the presence of doubt inevitable though …. I think it probably is and although it is important to see it in perspective, like you suggest I have been trying to invite that ‘IC’ to lunch, sit her down with a large glass of wine, listen to what she has to say and then look carefully at where her latest outburst has come from. Often it is simply an external set-back, a negative comment or just lack of progress – seeing where she is coming from gives it perspective, but usually something more positive will emerge: the strength to face those set backs, or a way forward that wasn’t obvious before. So I am indeed embracing my Inner Critic, acknowledging that she will not go away and that perhaps she actually informs my work afterall.
Grace, embracing anything within us that we judge to be ‘negative’ is the first step to integration and empowerment. Good for you! 🙂 Sorry about the lateness of my response. I’m 3000 shy of completing NaNoWriMo today…and I’ve been a bit preoccupied. SO happy to have you comment!
One other comment on the inner critic: I love the image you posted with your article, Janece. A lot of writers fail to use the power of images to add another dimension to the words. Good work.
Thanks, Cynthia! I think symbollically…and I also have a wicked sens of humor. So I like to combine the two! 🙂
Such fabulous advice and so well expressed and laid out. My inner critic usually says things like “nobody wants to read this sh..”. You have given me some great tools to deal with her. thank you !!
Thank YOU, Joss 🙂
Well said, Jance. I personally set a timer when I’m struggling with my own judgment of what I’m writing. That way, I just keep my hand moving and let my writing fly. It’s a way to keep the critic off balance.
What a great idea a timer is, Cynthia! I’m totally going to try that the next time I find myself knee deep in Inner Critics~ 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Janece
I’ve battle with my inner Queen of Mean often, and I work really hard to make sure she doesn’t win. I love the H.A.L.T. philosophy that you’ve shared, and I believe that I have the most difficult time with “Letting it Go”. I’d love to hear any tips or mantras you may have that have worked for you!
Thanks again for sharing!
Heidi Lee
Oh, Heidi…girl, my tips for “letting go” could be a full blog post all on it’s own – because I’ve had some MAJOR practice! LOL One of the things that most helps me in this regard are “mantras” of sorts. I say to myself, “Every day, in every way, my writing gets better and better” or “Every day, in every way, life gets better and better.”
I truly believe what we focus on expands. So when I’m feeling particularly stuck, I use visualizations, vision boardings, etc. They help me Let Go of what no longer serves me, by pushing those thoughts out with new ones that do!
And I can’t say enough about prayer. (which is not about any particular religion…just a conversation between me and the Great Mystery called Life/God). The Serenity prayer is a good one~
Hope that helps!
This is one to bookmark and reread and have on hand for those days, we all know those days! And to pass on, I’ve found mayself talking about this article often this weekend and forwarded it on.
Thanks Janece, love that acronym.
Claire – what an extraordinarily wonderful comment to read! Thanks so much for sharing it the way that you did. That really touches me! 🙂
This is an incredibly relevant article. The advice is so necessary for writers everywhere! There needs to be more advice like this for the inner critic and how to atop it. This HALT strategy is so perfect and understandable and is something i will be able to keep in mind anytime I need it.
Thanks so much for the lovely comment, Samantha. I appreciate your comment. Let’s keep reminding each other to HALT when we need to!
Alright who said you could write about me and my demons 😉 In all seriousness it is great to see that I am not the only one who has these strange people talking inside my head.
I need to tell you how freeing H was as I read it. You see, I not only have an inner critic but an outer one also, and the next time any one of them come out I am going to use H.
Thank you for this much needed article. It came to me when it was needed the most.
Hugs!!!
Were we sharing a Vulcan Mind Meld moment, Cat? 🙂
You know, that “H” may be the most important of all of the ‘letters’. When we truly honor ourselves and our journey, there’s not room for even constructive criticism. Any mistakes we’ve made can be looked at as learning experiences – and as long as we’re learning, we’re growing, right???
Happy to be here when you needed, sweetie.
Janece,
Love your HALT advice, especially the accept piece. Our world supports not only the inner critic, but the suppression of it. As you said, it comes back to you if you don’t acknowledge.
I’m writing my fifth novel, and for the first time, self doubt is rearing. Your article helped!
thanks!
Congratulations on your 5th novel, Jodine! That’s quite an accomplishment. Funny how your IC is showing up now! Must be a really great book 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
My inner critic (no capitals for her, unless she behaves herself!) thrives on a well-enforced schedule (it is in her nature to be scheduled, n’est ce pas?) and if she is allowed this, with some regularity, she stays well and truly happy in her left brain cubicle and leaves the creator alone!
LOL LOVE it that you won’t give the queen of mean any CAPITALS. Left brain cubicle…hum…great concept and one I hadn’t considered before – but that makes complete sense 🙂
Thanks for stopping by!
Very timely post as I too am NaNoWriMoing for the first time. I do try to practice HALT but the inner critic inside of me is occasionally fairly rational (in that the kids DO have to get fed before I settle down to write, and I DO have to get to work most days!). Thanks for sharing!
Astra – Congrats on your first NaNoWriMo!! This is my 5th year and I’m enjoying it more this time than ever.
Keep that Inner Critic at bay, and WRITE ON!
I appreciate your comment. Thank you!
Great advice. We are our worse critics, after all and love to question our own abilities. I especially love your choice of artwork. Very retro!
Just stopping by from She Writes! 🙂
Hey, Monica – my SheWrites sister! Thanks so much for the comment, and the compliment. I love retro, too, and try to use as much of it as I can on my blog (altering it, of course, to suit my posts!)
I’m definitely going to save this post, Janece, and pull it out at least once a week. I think I’ll take your advice and invite my IC out to lunch and give her a good talking to.
Julie 🙂 So happy this helped you! I know it helped me when writing it (ironic to have your IC nagging at you while you’re writing an article on how to shut her up! LOL)
Maybe we should make it a group lunch!
Thanks for stopping by!
Janece – loved your article. It’s so true and you offer some great advice. Although I’m not a writer, my inner critic is always picking on my quilting.
Susan, thank you! I find that the Inner Critic is no respecter of persons. Male, female…”Creative” or not. Right brained, left brained. It doesn’t seem to make a difference.
Heading over now to see your quilts! I do a little sewing myself (I have a few pictures of my BohOM Bags on my website) and think quilting is SUCH a beautiful art form…one that I’m happy is experiencing a renaissance!
Susan, thank you! I find that the Inner Critic is no respecter of persons. Male, female…”Creative” or not. Right brained, left brained. It doesn’t seem to make a difference.
I just LOVE your quilts (I do a little sewing myself, as you know. There are a few pictures of my BohOM Bags on my website) and think quilting is SUCH a beautiful art form…one that I’m happy is experiencing a renaissance!
I hope everyone will head to your Etsy store and check out your beautiful handiwork!
Great article, Janece! And great timing (NaNo), though my own inner critic certainly doesn’t appear only in November. I may try talking to myself precisely in the Aunt Martha kind of way this week – maybe the apparent insanity will scare the inner critic away. 😉
LOL I love it, Julie! I’m participating in NaNo, too! Maybe it IS time to break out the big guns: AUNT MARTHA! 🙂
Thanks for coming by! xox
“If you hear a voice within you says “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent Van Gogh
Janece Herrington: ”Do YOU have an Inner Critic in your head that need to be silenced?”
Yes and no…
No, do not silence you Inner Critic and do not attack it back but learn to think it through and reason with yourself.
To value your own progress, to gain perspective on your own life you need to learn how to criticise yourself – Yes!
Learn to be honest with yourself in order to prevent any regrettable actions for the sake of self- improvement. However, learn to avoid feeling of guilt. Remember, your mistakes are part of learning and developing.
Learn to let go of ego-pride in order to mature and grow as an individual. Learn to hear your Inner Critic with content and not aggrievement. Understand the simple formula of life: self- criticism = self- improvement.
To overcome obstacles and weaknesses learn to become an effective “critic” in order to comprehend your motives and actions.
“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank you very much, Janece!
You made me think before speak. Your article is brilliant reminder of “What can we do to protect ourselves from being bombarded by the Inner Critic?”
My warmest regards,
Elena Ornig
Elena, wow, what a comment. Worthy of a post all on its own. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and grace.
I couldn’t agree with you more. If we do the ‘critical’ work first, and reconcile all that needs to be reconciled, no other voice will have any effect on us.
Many thanks for your thoughtful comment!
As usual,my wonderful friend, you give us all something worthy to reflect on. I couldn’t agree more about honoring our journey, believing in all of our wonderful talents and sharing them with the world as women united. Never has a more valuable thing been said as,’Don’t compare yourself to others.’ That simple piece of advice is so worthy to be heard. You are and always will be an inspiration to me. Thank you, Janece.
Vacen,thank YOU so much for your friendship and support! Your encouragement has meant the world to me. I hope everyone will check out your recent guest blog at Someday and Never!
http://somedayandnever.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/the-world-according-to-vacen/
All so very true, loved it. I will repeat everyday…I am not fugly, I am not fugly, I am not fugly 🙂
You DEFINITELY are not fugly, my dear friend! LOL FUNNY, yes. 🙂 xox
Love the sentence, “Inner critics practice guerrilla warfare.” Oops, you didn’t write that, it was my take-away. No they don’t fight fair, do they?
Robin
LOVE your take away, Robin!! 🙂 Here’s to fighting dirty – with those ICs. SO appreciate your comment! xox
My inner critic is fueled by those that spout the negative…you will never get a publishing deal, it’s almost impossible to be successful self-publishing, you will never be a true writer unles you write 50 billion words a day….
I can overcome my own nagging doubts about my abilities, because I know everyone has them, but these bigger ones, the ones that tell you to just give up are a much bigger battle.
Ellie, so very true. Sometimes I wonder: The bigger the battle, the bigger the GIFT that we have to give?? I know YOU have a tremendous gift – one that touches the lives of so many, with your Cuppa and an Armchair project that puts writers and charity together in such an amazing way. http://elenaransley.net/a-cuppa-and-an-armchair/
I hope everyone will check your fabulous project out! xox
My inner critic is the twin of yours! Love this post and your encouraging comment on mine.
🙂 Candyce, we’re all so much more alike than we are different, aren’t we?
So nice to connect with you here. Many thanks!
Great article!!! I don’t think there’s a woman I know who wouldn’t identify with it!
Thank you, Sweet Mouse! This does seem to be a topic that transcends “writers”, and is experienced by all.
🙂 xox Much appreciation for you taking the time to comment! And congratulations for your childrens story being added to the next A Cuppa and an Armchair book!
xox
Fantastic post! I can really identify. I am editing my first memoir I am in constant battle with my IC. I recently got a stellar compliment on a blog post, and she still came back and busted my horns! I would like to gag her and throw her in the cellar, but I suppose I’ll settle for a lunch date, as long as she pays! Thanks for the great tips – I’m on it… cheers!
Dianne http://pastaforone.wordpress.com
Dianne! Isn’t it amazing how those ICs can fly in the face of such brilliance? I like your idea. Make her pay! LOL 🙂
Thanks for stopping by! xox
I have the privilege of an outspoken daughter, who wields a sharp tongue whenever the Inner Critic peeps out of her box. Doesn’t mean I never have days when it all feels impossible, when I hide in the corner with my own insecurities. But daughter makes sure I’m dragged out and back on the computer before too long.
Jo, how great that you have someone there to keep you on track AND can read your mind! LOL 😉 Just kidding.
So many women that I talk to that struggle with their IC never speak about it. There’s this voice inside of their head that no one else can hear, and they suffer in silence.