How Writer’s Block Enriched My Life

Every writer experiences some form of writer’s block. For some, it’s the inability to come up with a topic to write about at all, even though they desperately want to write something. For others, it’s the blank next-page, not knowing where to go next in the midst of a piece that was moving along but suddenly comes to a halt.

And finally, there’s the dreaded dead-end block that occurs when writers get discouraged by a lack of validation in the publishing world and begin to question the quality of their work. This often leads to the heartbreaking decision to pack up their writing, take a break, and in some cases, never write again. 

While I’ve temporarily experienced all of the above, it was this last one that left me feeling frustrated and despondent, yet at the same time, still overflowing with creative energy in need of an outlet. Fortunately, I didn’t curl up in a fetal position and give in to my depression, at least not for more than a few weeks.

Instead, I used all of my pent-up, obsessive writer’s energy to pursue new interests that, to my delight, added wonderful layers to my life. And it was these new passions that re-energized my deflated spirit and, ultimately, led me back to writing.

The first of these detours occurred after I had completed a novel that I was certain would find an agent and publisher. Month after month, I sent out queries, only to receive those notorious impersonal rejections. “Not right for our list at this time,” or worse, the positive rejection, “So much to love here, but . . .” I submitted to small presses, as well as contests, and continued to plug away with more agent queries.

Fellow writers encouraged me to persevere. We had all read about the myriad rejections that established writers received before finally landing that book deal. After a year of this repeated process of submission and rejection, I asked myself if it was worth it. Try as I might, I couldn’t set these feelings of failure and disappointment aside and truly enjoy my life. While I loved being a fulltime high school English teacher, my passion for writing was at the core of my identity. And my identity was deeply wounded. So, I decided to shut it all down, perhaps consider it a break, until I either rewrote my novel or began a new one. 

But what to do with all that passionate energy in the meantime?

It was the film Seabiscuit that created a spark of excitement that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I’d never ridden a horse in my life, but suddenly I wanted to learn about horses. I started with lessons one hour every Sunday, but that wasn’t enough. I wanted to know a horse, so I looked into half-leasing, hoping I could spend time with one horse and learn all I could from trainers, owners, and the horse itself.

That’s when a woman offered to give me a twenty-one-year old former lesson horse named, appropriately, Fire—Fire Mountain. He certainly set me ablaze. I was like a horse-crazy pre-teen. I poured my heart into reading about and experiencing the world of horses, and in the process, I not only found a joy and peace that has become an integral part of my daily life, but I also became jazzed about everything else again—even writing. 

The truth is I never would have explored this passion for horses if I hadn’t hit the wall in my writing life. I am the type of writer who sits for hours, writing and rewriting. Once I get rolling, I can’t stop. Writing is my priority. So, I would not have sacrificed the time and energy that was needed for my novel. Horses might have been a nice fleeting thought, but that’s as far as it would have gone. Instead, being a horse owner has become just as important a part of my identity as being a writer. 

It was January when I first got Fire. By summer, I was re-energized and itching to write again. I decided to set aside the previous novel and take an on-line writing class with Gayle Brandeis through UCLA Extension Writer’s Program. In response to an assignment in her class, I began writing in the voice of a young Mexican girl whose migrant farmworker father had disappeared after heading north for work in the US. Unlike the writing of my first novel that dripped and sputtered at times, this one just poured out of me.

For the next two years, my life felt full and balanced. I was teaching, working on the novel, and tending to my precious horse. My time with Fire always left me relaxed and recharged, ready to write once I got home. Ultimately, this second novel, then called Searching for Dolores, did find an agent, as well as full manuscript requests from a couple of top editors in New York. But after months of high hopes, they ultimately passed, and with this major roller coaster ride, I crashed once again. 

Around this time, I was offered an early retirement bonus from the Los Angeles Unified School District that could save the jobs of newer teachers. I decided to take it, work part time at a community college, and take inventory of my writing life. After the dust settled, I sat at my computer feeling utterly empty. 

This time it was Meryl Streep in It’s Complicated, baking chocolate croissants for Steve Martin, that sparked me out of my doldrums. I became bonkers about baking! I attended a workshop by Peter Reinhart to learn artisan bread-baking, next took a cake-baking class where I make an amazing topsy-turvy, three-tiered fondant cake, and then signed up for a series of professional baking classes, where I did learn how to make those delicious chocolate croissants. My book collection grew with endless books on baking. All of this led me to create a baking blog called Baking Daze in LA. (I lived in Los Angeles.) Finally, I was writing for an audience  of sorts, and it was fun. 

But my novels sat weeping in my file cabinet, and my heart ached for them. I had always—always—dreamed of being a novelist. Just as I considered revisiting my writing, my husband and I decided to move out of the city to Lake Arrowhead, a mountain village two hours away. Fortunately, my Baking Daze in LA still worked, so I continued my little baking blog for a while. Once settled in our new home, I struggled to get back to novel writing and began a third novel, but it did not pour, drip, or sputter. 

Once again, I took a detour. I volunteered at a wildlife sanctuary in the mountains, taking care of mule deer, black bears, a bobcat, raccoons, coyotes, eagles, owls, and a hawk. All creatures were either born in captivity or injured, and, therefore, in need of life-long care. It was utterly fascinating. I poured my energy into studying about wildlife, and once again started a blog—a nature blog called Lookin’ Out My Back Door, which also included the birds and critters literally in my backyard. 

Around this time, I lost my precious Fire Mountain, who had lived to the old age of thirty. I missed him terribly. Caring for a horse had become a very deep part of my life, and I soon began looking for another. Jack, a black quarter horse, and a bit later, Luke, an adorable miniature horse, came into my life, filling my days and helping to heal my broken heart. 

In an attempt to feel like a writer again, I signed up for a writing conference in Monterey, where I met author /editor Elizabeth McKenzie. After hearing me talk about my second novel that had come so close to publication, she asked to read it. Her response re-ignited my fire. She said it was no practice novel, but the real deal that deserved my blood, sweat, and tears to get it back out there. She gave me some tips on a re-write, and I dove back in, expanding a few areas and adding a more current opening and closing. A year or so later, it was finished. After positive and encouraging reads by trusted writers, I began the submission process again.  

During this frustrating period of waiting for responses, I got a call from my daughter, who told me with delight that a mysterious “rock fairy,” had left a painted rock on her doorstep.  Now my daughter, a successful, young career woman, was as excited as a little girl with a new pony. She sent me a link to a news clip that showed her neighbors, equally childlike, displaying their rocks and describing how happy this little gesture had made them. 

My creative energies ignited, and I was off. I googled and You-tubed mandala rock painting, searched for rocks, ordered the perfect dotting tools, became a frequent Michael’s customer purchasing paints and supplies, and began perfecting my new artistic outlet. I gave them to family and friends and left them randomly in public places with a card that said, “Mandala stones symbolize unity, harmony, and wholeness. May this one bring you comfort and peace.” This became a rewarding hobby, one that re-directed my creative needs in a constructive and satisfying way, while I was waiting to hear about my novel.

As for my dreams of being published, thanks to the remarkable independent publisher, She Writes Press, my novel, now titled simply Luz, finally found a home. Published in June 2020, it won the Next Generation Indie Book Award for Multicultutal Fiction, was a Finalist in the International Book Awards, and is a Pulpwood Queens Book Club Selection for 2021!

It has certainly been a long, convoluted road. As a binge writer who struggles to balance other aspects of my life, I have to admit these colorful experiences wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t come to that dead-end with writer’s block. Not that I’m encouraging anyone to pack away their writing, but an occasional break and a willingness to pursue new creative or adventurous endeavors is a healthy option. Of course, this implies learning to push away from your desk and allowing time for other ventures—something I’m still working on.

Even now, I have to force myself to make time for my mandala stones. The horses, however, are an entirely different matter. They always come first. They get me up and out the door early, so by the time I am back home, I am energized and ready to face the blank page. In fact, the novel I am working on now has a protagonist, who . . . what else? . . . loves horses.

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Originally from upstate New York, Debra Thomas has lived in Southern California for most of her adult life. She holds both a bachelor’s and a master’s in English from California State University, Northridge, and attended the UCLA Extension Writers’ Program. She has taught literature and writing at a Los Angeles public high school and English as a Second Language to adults from all over the world. Her experience as an advocate for immigrant and refugee rights led her to write Luz. She is currently at work on her second novel.

LUZ

Alma Cruz wishes her willful teenage daughter, Luz, could know the truth about her past, but there are things Luz can never know about the journey Alma took to the US to find her missing father.

In 2000—three years after the disappearance of her father, who left Oaxaca to work on farms in California—Alma sets out on a perilous trek north with her sister, Rosa. What happens once she reaches the US is a journey from despair to hope.

Timeless in its depiction of the depths of family devotion and the blaze of first love, Luz conveys, with compassion and insight, the plight of those desperate to cross the US border.

BUY THE BOOK HERE

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing