A Psychologist Models Self-Therapy Through Writing

By Dr. Nancy Farber Kent

Writing. Writing is a tool we can use to discover the solutions to our problems.  

I write, write, write my way to my answers. When feeling angry, afraid, sad, frustrated, lonely, I just start writing…and the answers come.

From my experience, I have discovered that when we write, we unlock hidden parts of ourselves and our consciousness that we may not otherwise be able to access.  

The challenge, however, is to be able to use writing constructively, rather than destructively. For example, I have had clients share that “journaling,” can sometimes make them feel worse, because they find themselves perseverating on their problems, spiraling down into negativity, and reinforcing their sense of hopelessness.

On the other hand, if we approach writing constructively and creatively, it can be a tool for growth and self-help. We can essentially become our own therapists through writing!

In my recent book, Vessel: Writing through the fears of death, responsibility, isolation, and meaninglessness, I use myself as a model to illustrate just how we can do this.

When I began writing, “Vessel,”  I did not know that it was going to be a book that I published.  I simply began writing to try to figure out the solution to my current life challenge.  I had recently returned to school to formally study music, something I had dreamed of doing for years.  After receiving my music degree at the ripe young age of 52, I asked myself “Now what?”  Do I give up my career as a psychologist?  Do I find a way to integrate my identities of psychologist and musician? Hmm…

I started writing. And as I wrote, the process took over and I discovered myself writing and conducting “therapy sessions” with myself.  I would alternate voices as I wrote:  Nancy/Dr. Farber;  Nancy /Dr. Farber.  One does not have to be a trained therapist to do this. We all have a “higher voice” that guides us, that loves us unconditionally, that is here to help us sort out our decisions. There is a process I use with clients in therapy called the Gestalt “two-chair technique.”  In this process I have clients divide themselves into two parts. 

There is always one part that is kinder and gentler (the higher voice, the therapist voice) and there is always another part of the self that is critical, or afraid, or sad, or self-hating, or damaged in some other way. As the client has these two parts of themselves dialogue with each other, they tend to have “aha!” moments. Clients discover that they can use their “higher self” to help develop compassion for the critical or wounded part of the self.  This is how we heal. In the book, I used this process often. Dr. Farber and Nancy dialogued with each other.  I was able to heal the self-doubting, critical voice that kept me from pursuing my next goal.   

In addition to using writing-as-therapy and the two-chair technique to heal our inner conflicts, we can use this process to dialogue and heal conflicts with others, dead or alive, as well. In the book, you will see that there are times when I engage in two-chair dialogues with my mother (who died when I was 24 years old). As I wrote, in addition to switching voices, it also helped me to physically change positions, just as I have clients switch chairs in the office. So, for example, there is “session” in my book, where I am sitting with my laptop, writing as myself, and then I literally move across the room, with my laptop in tow, and now sit at the kitchen table, writing as my mother. Changing physical positions can help one to embody a different perspective.

There is an underlying theme that I hope readers will take from the book and that is this: We are all a little mentally ill. And that’s okay!

Like most people in the helping professions, I became a psychologist not only because I wanted to help others, but because I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me, why I felt so different. What I have discovered in my personal and professional journey thus far is this:  Every human being struggles with the same fears.  Every human being struggles with times of darkness. No one has a monopoly on psychological pain. I have this theory that world is really like one big psychiatric hospital. We take turns being the patients and the doctors. And we are all here to help each other heal. 

One time when I was “on the other side,” my therapist shared this pearl of wisdom with me: “Inner peace leads to world peace.”  I have found this to be true. As we learn to heal and love ourselves, we discover that not only can we refrain from self-destruction (e.g. addiction, self-harm, suicide), but we no longer need to take our pain out on others (e.g. judgment, bullying, homicide).

I have been asked, “Why is the title of your book (and the accompanying song) ‘Vessel?’  

The answer is this: In the book, I use myself as a model, to be a “vessel” of something that I believe can help you in your own journey. I am a vessel. You are a vessel. We are all vessels. We are all connected and never alone. “I will be your vessel. You can be mine…”

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Nancy Farber Kent (Dr. Nancy K. Farber) is a licensed clinical psychologist, school counselor, and veteran professor of school, community, and clinical counseling, who has worked in a variety of settings as a psychotherapist, teacher, and researcher.

She currently works with clients in private practice and with older adults in assisted living facilities where she integrates music and cognitive stimulation therapy to improve memory in individuals with dementia. More information about Dr. Farber and her recent book, Vessel: Writing through the fears of death, responsibility, isolation, and meaningless, can be found on her website, www.nancyfarberkent.com.

VESSEL: Writing Through the Fears of Death, Responsibility, Isolation, and Meaninglessness

DEATH. RESPONSIBILITY. ISOLATION. MEANINGLESSNESS. The four existential fears that human beings must confront. Dr. Nancy Farber Kent, a humanistic psychologist, professor, and musician, invites you to come along with her on a year long journey towards achieving a dream. Using herself as a model, she teaches us about the human condition, and how while we are each unique, we all wrestle with the same four core fears that lead us to anxiety, depression, and hopelessness.

VESSEL is written in real-time, as a series of psychotherapy “sessions” between the author and her therapist self. Through her own process, Dr. Farber Kent illustrates techniques of writing-as-therapy: writing our way down the page until we hear our own authentic voices; and two-chair Gestalt therapy: dialoguing with parts of one’s self to resolve inner conflicts and sooth those critical voices that we all have in our heads. As she writes her way through her current interpersonal and intrapersonal challenges, Dr. Farber Kent reflects back on her own experience through addiction, suicidality, and being the psychologist-on-the-other-side.

She shares with us her philosophy that “we are all mentally ill” and encourages us to think about the world as one big psychiatric hospital. Through her authentic sharing, Dr. Farber Kent will model for you how to find your own voice and unique purpose through creative approaches that foster authentic connection to yourself and others. You will learn how to overcome the loneliness that we all experience at times. Come along, be inspired, laugh, and learn…?•A link to a live recording of the original song, “Vessel,” is included with the book.

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