The 5 Deadly Sins of Women Writers

by Carmen Amato

The world needs the creativity and ideas that are uniquely yours to offer. If any of these deadly sins put your progress on hold, kick it to the curb as fast as you can.

Envy

“Look at her. She’s doing much better than me.”

Said every woman writer at least once.

You know the feeling. Everyone else is a better writer. Their books sell better. They build their audience faster. They have agents and editors who are better advocates than anyone on your team. Meanwhile, your queries go nowhere, sales languish, and that advance check was so tiny you needed a magnifying glass to see it.

I could go on, but you get the picture. 

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” said Teddy Roosevelt and he was right.

Taking a break from the launch of her latest book, Del Rio, author Jane Rosenthal recently talked to me about the issue, saying that envy occurs most often when we forget to recognize our own achievements.

“I curb the green- eyed monster by reminding myself how far I’ve come, from that first desire I had to write novels, to where I am now. Two novels and one on the way, and acknowledging all the discreet skills–plotting, pacing, voice, scene writing–I’ve mastered to get to this point.” Join Jane at https://www.janerosenthal.com/

Stop the envy train before it becomes a habit. There will always be those ahead and behind you in the long game called writing and publishing. 

Perhaps you have come farther than you think.

Neediness

“I need the validation,” she said. 

I met her and several other female writers who were seeking to publish their fiction at an author conference. They were all smart, savvy women with interesting things to say.

This particular smart, savvy woman was shepherding her just-finished book through a seemingly endless query process. “Unless a top traditional publisher prints my book,” she went on. “I can’t consider myself a professional writer. Validation is critical.”

Just what needs to be validated? I wondered. Book publishing is a business partnership. The publisher wants to know that a book will be profitable for the bottom line. 

An author’s emotional needs are not part of that equation. What happens to that so-called validation when the publisher goes out of business, handles the launch poorly, says the book isn’t selling well, or stops publishing your genre?

By all means, pursue a top traditional publishing deal if that is the business arrangement that best suits your career goals. But don’t hang your self-worth as a writer on the whims of a publisher. Validation comes from within.

BTW, although I’m sure some do, I have never heard a male author say they needed “validation.” 

The Priority-less Plate

“I have 25 years to keep writing,” author Elizabeth Martina wrote me. “I hope it’s enough.”

Elizabeth has a full plate. She’s a semi-retired medical professional and first responder, as well as a genealogist, historian, publisher, angel investor, and doting mother and grandmother. At the same time, she has several ambitious literary projects under development including the 1930’s era Hadley Sisters mystery series. 

Her ongoing challenge is to prioritize her time. Otherwise, with so many projects going on at once, her books will never get over the finish line. Read Elizabeth’s history-inspired blog at https://www.elizabethamartina.com/.

My plate has often been overly full for other reasons. For years I juggled a career as an intelligence officer with the Central Intelligence Agency. The job took me around the world and was a balancing act with my husband’s equally dynamic intelligence career. We raised two kids and an assortment of dogs in five different countries. 

Prioritizing my time and energy was crucial.

Saturday mornings became writing time. I lugged around typewritten pages to edit during quiet moments. Nonetheless, the kids considered Mom to be available for a chat even at her keyboard. It was hard to shoo them away. When they were in their teens, any perch near my laptop became known as the “therapy chair.”

When my husband asked what I wanted for Mother’s Day, the answer was always the same: Take the kids somewhere so I can have uninterrupted time to write. My books grew in fits and starts, but they grew.

Most of us have day jobs, households, and relationships to manage that can push our writing off the plate. The pandemic added more stress and responsibilities to our lives. How to cope?

Steal time from social media, Netflix, and other non-essential pastimes. Yet if your schedule is already as lean as it can be, that’s okay. Let your support team know your writing goals are not forgotten.

Don’t you forget them, either. The right time is coming.

Shiny Object Syndrome

Writing a book means reaching inside yourself to pull out ideas and braid them into a story to be proud of. It means setting your own pace and mining your creativity. It means you are vulnerable to a million distractions.

If you use Pinterest or Facebook, you know what I mean. Instead of writing a book, you could do any number of things related to your writing career. They sound easy and fun, with no hair-pulling plots to invent.

Be an Instant Blogging Success! 

30 Days to Instagram Influencer Success! 

50 Ways to Market Your Book! Guaranteed Success!

These are all lovely, shiny ways to disappear down a rabbit hole. Twelve hours later, you come up for air and you have made no progress against your priorities. 

Even worse, envy has set in. Everybody but me is an instant success doing this. 

Lynda L. Lock, author of the Isla Mujeres mystery series, admits she contributes to the problem with a case of Adult Attention Deficit. “I have the attention span of a gnat, but I thrive in a multi-tasking situation. If I could figure out a way to write while creating marketing materials, tidying the dishes, walking my dog, promoting my novels, and checking my social media, life would be perfect.” Join Lynda at her uber-popular blog Notes from Paradise: https://lynda-notesfromparadise.blogspot.com/

There’s also the shiny object syndrome variant called Genres You Know Nothing About but Are Popular.

Basically, it leads you to think if everybody else is landing hefty advance checks for dinosaur love triangles, why not me, too?

This mindset prompted me to start a Western, when my only qualification was knowing all the lyrics to the score of Oklahoma! Of course, my critique group savaged the first chapter while chortling over an imprudent reference to barbed wire. Enthusiasm for the project promptly withered and died on the lonely prairie.

I wasted five days to learn what I already knew. There’s no agent waiting for a poorly executed foray into Western drama, but I do have readers emailing to ask impatiently when the next Detective Emilia Cruz mystery comes out.

Time is precious. There’s lots on your plate already. Guard your priorities and let others chase the shiny stuff.

Unless you’re Lynda.

Forgetting to Celebrate

Even if you haven’t published a book yet, you have writing career milestones to celebrate. 

It’s not something I planned, but celebrating milestones didn’t occur to me until around Book 7 and then it seemed too late. Now I regret letting those potential moments of encouragement slip by.

I should have celebrated every detail. Every book anniversary. Every first review from someone I don’t know. First royalty check. First 100 newsletter subscribers. First 1000 newsletter subscribers. First in-person interview.

Don’t get me wrong. Each book launch has been an exciting event. But the in-between milestones are worth celebrating, too. They provide the sense of forward motion that keep us inspired.

“Writing is challenging work, and you deserve a pat on the back for your accomplishments” claims D.V. Berkom, bestselling author of the Leine Basso and Kate Jones thriller series, as well as the new Kate Whitcomb Western series. 

“I like to crack open a chilled bottle of my favorite champagne after I finish writing a novel, but there are a thousand different ways to celebrate. Find the one that fits you best.” Join D.V. Berkom at https://www.dvberkom.com/

Excellent advice, wouldn’t you agree?

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About Carmen Amato: Following a 30 year career with the Central Intelligence Agency, Carmen Amato writes mystery and suspense, including the Detective Emilia Cruz police series set in Acapulco. Emilia is the first female police detective in Acapulco, confronting Mexico’s cartels, corruption and social inequalities. The series won the 2020 Poison Cup award for Outstanding Series from Crime Masters of America and has been optioned for television.

Originally from upstate New York, Carmen’s experiences in Mexico and Central America launched her fiction career. Carmen is a recipient of both the National Intelligence Award and the Career Intelligence Medal.

Visit her at: https://carmenamato.net

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Category: How To and Tips