Flourish

By JACQUELYN H. BERRY, PhD

Five years ago, before my late mother passed away, my dad and I decided to throw her a birthday party for her 70th birthday. It was delightful; a cellist by trade, my mother’s party was filled with music and fun and food and lots of people who loved her. “I’ve never had a birthday party before!”, she exclaimed.

I, on the other hand, had thrown many such events, hosted international festivals in college, participated in student government, and, as a professor, constantly set the stage for people (who need it) to shine. I’m not particularly patient or accepting of others’ flaws but I understand people and I understand that my job on this earth is to be a springboard for them to be inspired and jump forward into their best selves.

A dear family friend was there, someone I aspire to be like, who spoke several languages, desegregated a hospital in the South at 24 years old, was a doctor who produced children who were also doctors, and served in government. He led quite the amazing life! Something he said, completely randomly that day, has never left me. Out of the blue, as I’m sitting next to him shamelessly devouring cake, he says, “…you know when people are around you, they flourish.” I had never thought of that but I instantly knew it was true. That’s my work while I’m here. I don’t think about it I just do it.

So, when I was selected to represent the United States as a Fulbright Scholar and to conduct research and teach overseas in Egypt, I knew that I was just going to be me and despite any cultural barriers those kids and I would be fine. (Kids everywhere want the same thing it turns out). I decided that some dusty old literature review in my senior seminar class on the science of learning wasn’t going to help them get it.

How does dreading writing a 20-page paper, and putting it off until the very last minute, help anyone learn??? I decided that each student should chose some skill to master over the course of the semester and write a case study along the way detailing their journey from novice to expert. It worked brilliantly and my students graphed and charted their amazing progress doing everything from becoming a triathlete, to learning to play the ukulele, to learning how to hula hoop, and even learning touch typing. I was, and still am, so proud! 

But then things took a turn when, halfway through the semester, the COVID pandemic hit and I was forced to return to the U.S. and the students were forced to stay away from campus.

Now what? There was a lot of adjustment, naturally, and some kids, like the girl who was learning and tracking how to shoot basketball 3-pointers, had to switch to an entirely different skill. Nevertheless, they persevered and even thrived. In fact, many students thanked me for the assignment, yes thanked me for assigning school work, because it got their minds off of how crazy things were and also gave them something to work towards.

As the drama of the COVID pandemic unfolded many students used the chance to chase their goal as a life raft that kept them afloat and helped them navigate the uncertainty. This is when the light bulb went off and I realized that having something to chase, no matter how small or large, or for what reason, a class, a job, or even just for fun, was a way of life. We fool ourselves into thinking that things are solid when they are not.

Then, when things fall apart, we’re suddenly dumfounded and wondering what to latch onto. It sounds crazy but I realized that chasing something that is truly yours is sometimes the only way to feel at home. It is, in fact, how I live my life and is the reason for my various accomplishments, big and small. I decided the world needed to hear this (it’s bigger than me and my students!) and FIND YOUR CARROT was born. 

My currency has always been to help others to become their best self. This is why I wrote Find Your Carrot. NOTHING in the world is more rewarding for me than being the gamechanger in people’s lives. The beauty of my dear family friend’s observation is that it was random. I didn’t seek counsel and ask him what I’m naturally meant to do because he was old and wise. It just came out of him in passing.

Have you ever had this happen? THIS is one way to know what your currency is, if you don’t already know. It’s the unsolicited observation of someone who has nothing to gain by telling you. We get so used to what we’re good at, and distracted by chasing what we’re not good at, that we tend to take that stuff for granted and forget with what we are really gifted.

No time is perfect, but a pandemic is ideal because you can stop primping and start prepping for what you want to do next. Indeed, it was a because of a pandemic, not in spite of, that I recognized the value of this life approach. Animals hibernate to survive but we can do it to thrive and come out on the other side shiny and new. What’s your currency? Organizing? Leading? Debating? Presenting? Writing? There is something that only you can do and the Universe is dying to collaborate with you on that path. Go for it!

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JACQUELYN H. BERRY, PhD, is a writer, cognitive scientist, and tech entrepreneur devoted to the study and practice of expertise. A founding member of Artificial Intelligence for Africa, she has spoken before the United Nations. She recently traveled to Egypt as a Fulbright Scholar where she taught a class about achieving outstanding goals, which led her to write FIND YOUR CARROT. She is also an also an avid Tetris player, golfer, and birder, as well as a mother and beauty pageant competitor, currently holding the title of Mrs. Dutchess County, New York. Learn more about this fascinating author at https://jacquelynhberry.com.

FIND YOUR CARROT, Jacquelyn Berry

People need permission to create opportunities and live their best life. The Find Your Carrot brand of motivational content is backed by scientific evidence that isn’t preachy and keeps it real.

In this book Dr. Jackie Berry disrupts the reader’s status quo by giving them philosophical permission to pursue their dreams. This book is for young people of all ages in need of the courage, motivation, and push to pursue what they really dream rather than what they would settle for in life. In this small but filling book the author serves up a hearty plate of motivation with a piping side of reality and all seasoned liberally with spirituality.

Dr. Berry gives the reader permission to follow their heart rather than their mind, or the minds of others, when choosing their life path. Find Your Carrot is about shifting one’s focus away from the fear that is the stick in life’s prodding, to chasing the carrot which is the ultimate reward when achieving one’s deepest desires.

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing