Writer Friendships

For the longest time I sat in my office diligently typing, inwardly moaning because writing is a solitary process. And I’m an ambivert with strong extrovert leanings.

But as it turned out—just this one time—I was wrong.

Writing is not solitary. You may technically be alone when you write (although it can feel pretty crowded in my brain as my characters chatter) but the best writers have strong connections. Good writers need strong connections. Whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert, nobody can produce in a vacuum. Well, I don’t know…maybe Stephen King can. I think he could produce in a vacuum, a washing machine, or a microwave.

It doesn’t matter where you live—small town, mega-city, or foreign country—as long as you have internet access, you can experience a writing community. Your community can be small and intimate or large and boisterous. You can get it via Zoom meetings, phone calls, emails, texts, and even snail mail. You can find people on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, websites, blogs, and TikTok.

Just like those dating sites allow people to meet each other, writers can instantly hook up with other writers. We can find our tribe without even leaving our couch/desk/table. All we have to do is a smidge of research to see what sites suit us best.

I can’t remember now how my critique partner Susan and I met but her friendship has proven invaluable. She helps me add sizzle and polish to my writing, think about what’s missing (it’s usually tension), and catch errors. An incredible encourager, she always finds something positive to say about my writing. And, I fully admit, I enjoy hearing the positive.

It was Susan who encouraged me to submit to the publisher who will release my novel in June 2023. Which led me to another fabulous community—the people who share my publisher. This is especially helpful because I’m a debut author. I not only ask them about their experiences traveling the long road to publication, but I also glean invaluable advice on marketing.

Through Women’s Fiction Writers of America I’ve met more friends. I especially enjoyed being matched with three other writers for a critique group. What a boon that has been.

Susan, Rebecca, Karin, and I take turns sending each other several pages for critique each week. They’ve helped me tweak my plot, strengthen my characters, rearrange my chapters, and kill my darlings. And let me just tell you, it’s so much easier to kill those darlings when you have the support of a critique group. (They would advise me to delete “And let me just tell you” and perhaps rewrite the entire sentence. So, do I always listen to them? No. But still…)

Karin said she met her best writing friends when she blogged with a group. She checks in with her two best writer friends once a month by phone to exchange advice and critiques. Years ago she teamed up with three other writers and they traveled the Southeast promoting their books, giving presentations, sharing hotel rooms, and laughing over all the road hijinks. They called themselves the Dixie Divas, and Karin says they became family to each other.

Rebecca thinks having a common passion helps build strong friendships. “My writing friends are really lovely people that are fun to talk to and very generous with their time,” she said. “They’ve also helped me grow as a writer and become better at the craft, which I’ll always be grateful for.”

Susan said, “We (writers) are serious about our craft but know how to enjoy the climbs and survive the falls in this business. The support is phenomenal. My other good women friends, while terrific, don’t know what it really means if I say, ‘OMG, a top agent just asked for an exclusive on my full.’ They may think I’m talking gibberish.”

Here are a few more reasons writing friendships are worth cultivating:

Friends want you to succeed. Critiques are not always easy to receive, but giving critiques isn’t that easy either. I take giving a critique seriously and think through my comments before I pass them on. I consider it an investment in writing, and when you invest you want to experience success. I want to see my friends knock it out of the ballpark.

Friends help you keep perspective. My critique partner is hilarious. I cannot emphasize enough how much this helps me in my writing. First, humor is an important aspect of my own writing so it’s interesting to see how she pulls it off in her work. Second, when you laugh you release all sorts of endorphins, which makes you healthier in the long-haul. No kidding. Look up what laughter can do for your body. It’s amazing. And third, in a profession fraught with rejection, laughter keeps me from spiraling into a confidence deficit that rejection can bring on.

Friends inspire you. If I try to rewrite that first sentence for the five thousandth time or if I receive a rejection when my hormones are wonky, I may need a dose of inspiration to help me conquer discouragement. My writing friends have helped me see things in a new way. Their writing style, their perseverance, their ideas all inspire me.

Everyone in my critique group agreed that there’s a connection with other writers that you can’t find anywhere else. They “get” it. They speak the language. And in a profession built on words, that matters.

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Tracey Buchanan crashed into the literary world when she was six and won her first writing award. Fast forward through years as a journalist, mom, volunteer, freelance writer, editor, artist, and circus performer (not really, but wouldn’t that be something?) and you find her happily planted in the world of fiction with her debut novel. She and her husband Kent Buchanan live in the UNESCO Creative City of Paducah, Ky. You can find her catch-all blog at TraceyBuchanan.com.

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing