The Importance of Having a Written Family History

The Importance of Having a Written Family History

Deborah Driggs

Keeping a record of my family history has become an obsession for me after finding my grandfather’s manuscript for a novel based on his life. Discovering nuances about him that I previously knew nothing about made me realize that writing down our experiences is in fact one of the most important things we can do for future generations. 

Discovering Son of a Basque was a gift in many ways. First, I realized that I need to leave a “road map” of my life’s journey to let future generations know where I have been, what worked, what I struggled with, what I succeeded in, what my failures were, what I was proud of, what I was ashamed of, and most importantly, whom I loved and if I loved well. I want my grandkids and great-grandkids to have an idea of who I was and what I stood for by leaving something behind so they can understand what life was like for me in the decades I lived. 

History really does leave clues to the present, and family history is no exception. When I am invited to speak on different platforms, I often talk about how essential it is to know our grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. I wish I would have spent more time getting to know my family members when I was younger, especially my grandparents. There is so much energy—both positive and negative—to unpack and history to know. Luckily, one of my grandparents left behind a valuable record of his life in the form of a manuscript.

My grandfather didn’t live to see his book published, but it has served as a great source of information about who he was and what hardships he endured. He had always been special to me, but he became my hero after I read his story. Although Son of a Basque is a work of fiction, it is based on his life. As I read his manuscript, I felt as though I were right there with him on his journey through life and connected with him on a much deeper level. I kept thinking, “I wish I had known this when he was alive.”

I believe the reason my grandfather did not talk about many of the stories in the book is that they brought up trauma—an energy that gets passed down through generations. His writings explained a lot about his family. It revealed what he must have gone through as a father, a brother, and a husband. It showed what my mother must have endured as a child growing up with him as a father. Having this information is vital. The trauma, the sadness, the struggles—these have huge significance and can easily get transferred to the next generation.

The good news is when we have this information, we can break the cycles of past generations, releasing ourselves from patterns of energy we did not create. Having the information is vital to healing. As I read what my grandfather wrote, I had quite a few aha moments, where things suddenly made so much sense. I feel quite confident that his three kids bore the brunt of his unhealed trauma, which then got passed down to me.

Very rarely do I have regrets, but in this case I do regret not knowing more about my grandparents’ upbringing and their childhoods. What made them happy and what did they struggle with? I wish I knew the answer to that question. Although my grandfather was born in the United States, my grandmother grew up in England. Unfortunately, I know very little about her life there. I regret that.

If I can share any advice with you now, it is this: Go interview your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Find out everything about them. If you believe in energy the way I do, then you will benefit from knowing what difficulties they suffered or what trauma they experienced as children. The more information we have, the better we can heal from our own trauma.

Your doctor has probably asked, “Do you have any family history of heart disease, diabetes, or cancer? Well I ask, “Do you have a family history of trauma and struggle?” This information is key in knowing where we came from, which helps guide us to where we want to go.

Do not wait until it is too late to discover the map of your relatives’ lives and ask about their successes as well as their traumas and struggles. Let them know it will help you discover who you are. When I read my grandfather’s manuscript and discovered the trauma from just this one grandparent, I began working with someone to heal that trauma. 

Write down everything you learn, anything you think might be important for future generations. This is definitely one piece of advice I know you will not regret!

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Deborah Driggs is the coauthor of Son of a Basque. Known for her acting roles in Night Rhythms, Total Exposure, and Neon Bleed, she has also been a Playboy centerfold and cover girl, as well as a top-rated insurance industry professional. She is a healing coach specializing in helping people overcome past trauma and transform their lives. She has overcome a number of challenges by being willing to take risks and maintain a positive attitude. 

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SON OF A BASQUE, Deborah Driggs

After the sudden death of his father, young Mark Vergara, the oldest son of immigrant parents, was thrust into the role of principal breadwinner, working hard in the beet fields of Colorado to support his family.

After joining the Army Air Corps and flying dozens of combat missions, he bore the physical and emotional scars of his time in the service, yet he was satisfied he had fulfilled his father’s final wish that he do right by his family. From World War II to the Vietnam War, this tale of a military man who was also a devoted family man is based on the author’s own experiences as a proud son of immigrant parents, a distinguished soldier, a loving husband and father, and a loyal friend.

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing