A Novel Approach to Dealing with Grief

A Novel Approach to Dealing with Grief

I was forty when a heart attack claimed my husband’s life and changed mine forever. In the immediate aftermath of suffocating grief, I couldn’t fathom anything good coming out of such a traumatic experience. But I was wrong. When my husband died, I found my writer’s voice.

As a new widow, I searched for books and movies that dealt with the loss of a spouse to make me feel better. I wanted characters I could relate to and seek comfort from—ones that had endured loss and not only survived but thrived. Most stories with middle-aged heroines moving on were divorced, few, if any, dealt with loss. So, I decided to turn my own personal experiences into a novel—part memoir, part imagination–one that tells the story of loss in a heartfelt and humorous way.

I’ve always loved to write. When I was a child, I wrote on walls. To me, a crayon and a blank wall was a canvas for my expression. My mother, however, did not appreciate my creativity. Years later, in college, I chose English because writing papers was easier than taking tests. As a young woman, I started and stopped writing the next “best seller” too many times to count. The process was disrupted by usual excuses when life got in the way. But this time felt different. I was more motivated. And I believed sharing my story could help others.

Write what you know is common advice for anyone who has the courage to put pen to paper. I knew what it felt like to have my life changed in an instant. I knew what it felt like to see the man that I married and loved die before my eyes. I knew grief had many faces—most not good. But I also knew how important it was to maintain hope.  

My novel evolved from a journal I started writing within days of my husband’s death. It was a confusing time. My brain was shrouded in the so aptly named “widow’s fog” –a protective shield of sorts because reality is too painful. I was tired, scared, and lonely. When I was anxious about my future, I’d pick up my journal, write and feel calm. When I was sad about my past, I’d pick up my journal, write and gain insight. My entries were raw and, at times, rereading my own words brought on uncontrollable tears. 

The writing process was more cathartic than I expected. Putting my thoughts on paper allowed me to peel back the layers of grief and helped me heal. Even though it is a story I know well; one I’ve told myself and others many times, somehow telling it chips away at the pain that has surrounded me for years. In developing my story, I also develop a sense of pride as I realize I am a survivor–strong and resilient—someone who has been through a lot and persevered. It is my story; the way I see it and the way I want to tell it. I am that heroine I craved so early on.

My main character, Emilie, is mostly me—we have the same voice and thought process, and we experienced many of the same things. I chose the name Emilie because that was the name my late husband and I planned to give our adopted daughter. But when he died, the adoption failed. So, I thought it only appropriate to let the name live on in my story. In a sense, I gave birth to a book, and Emilie is the child I’ve wanted for many years. 

Writing and publishing a book is not for everyone, and putting your own story out there is for even less. The road to success is full of rejection and judgement, and for me, that was no different. At times, rejection paralyzed me and made me rethink my commitment. I’d shelve my book but could never really let go. After a short while, I’d feel a pull to return to it. I took the time to listen to feedback and make the manuscript better. I leaned on the lessons I learned since my husband’s death—strength, resilience and having hope. If it was rejected sixty times, I was sure the sixty-first would be the one. 

I am a sucker for happy endings and my new normal has one. Not only did I find love again, but my novel found a home. In March of 2022, I got the exciting news that Apprentice House Press, a small traditional publisher, loved my story. The years of hard work and tenacity was finally paying off. Now, a year later, I anxiously await my debut novel, New Normal to launch on May 2, three months before my sixtieth birthday. And just a few weeks ago, I signed a contract for my second novel, Eat Dessert First, which will be published in 2024. 

When another writer asks me for advice, I say, believe in yourself and your story. And stay the course no matter how long or hard it is. It’s the same message that is the theme of my novel—never lose hope.

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Michelle Paris is a Maryland writer whose essays about grief and mid-life dating have appeared in multiple editions of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series. Her personal journey to overcome grief was highlighted on the front page of the Wall Street Journal. She is member of Romance Writers of America and the Maryland Writers’ Association. She is currently enjoying chapter two of her life with her second husband, Kevin, who keeps her from being a cat lady—but only on a technicality.

Twitter: @maparis916
Instagram: Michelle.paris7399
Facebook: Michelle.Paris.7399
www.MichelleParisAuthor.com

NEW NORMAL

After the sudden death of her husband, Emilie Russell just wants to feel normal. But being a middle-aged widow doesn’t come with a how-to manual. Her well-meaning friend, Viv, believes the cure to all that ails is simple: a new man. So, she sets Emilie up with her handsome and charming new neighbor, widower Colin. There’s only one problem with the plan-Colin is gay.

Emilie embarks on a rollicking journey of self-discovery with Colin as her mentor and best friend. From learning to swipe right without cringing while midlife dating in constricting shapeware to cougar moments in Key West, Emilie reenters the dating pool with both humorous and soul-crushing results.

With the encouragement of her friends, including a new furry one, plus a little therapy, Emilie begins forging a new life, one where she exchanges tears for laughter, and one that maybe-just maybe-includes the courage to find love again.

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Category: How To and Tips