Finding the Words: The Challenges of Writing a Memoir on Motherhood and Autism

By Jennifer Celeste Briggs

Writing Watching Sarah Rise and getting it ready for publication felt almost as big and intimidating as running my Sarah-Rise program felt in my early days of getting it off the ground. I wanted to document and share the momentous thing that we had done to help Sarah, but I struggled with how to begin. The process of writing, revising, and finding the right people to help was a labor of love, dedication, and persistence, just as running the Sarah-Rise program was. Just as I wanted to share the story about Sarah in case it is helpful to others, I would like to share my writing journey in case that is helpful.

I had thought about writing a book for years before I got past the initial false starts and frustrations. False starts maybe doesn’t give adequate respect to my early attempts, but I can say that there were many times when I sat down and typed out hundreds of words about my journey with Sarah, only to give up in an avalanche of overwhelm. I always felt uncertain about how to shape the book. Would I write about things linearly or thematically? I felt like I was wrestling with an Escher print and couldn’t get a handhold. Helping Sarah learn to speak spanned years.

The struggles around her eating were strongest in the early days, but we also had quite an experience with the GAPS diet and with constipation. Should those go together in one chapter or be separated by other events and details, just as they were in reality? Did all the potty trials, tribulations, and training ventures go together, or should they be sprinkled throughout? Do I add volunteers with each chapter, as they came into our lives, or put all the details about finding volunteers into one cohesive chapter? These were the questions with which I wrestled, and if you read my book, you will see that the answers were not uniform. I did put the details about finding volunteers into one chapter, even though that was a process that spanned the entire length of the Sarah-Rise program. In contrast, the language, dietary, and toilet-training experiences are discussed more chronologically, a bit here and a bit there. 

So, what was the magic that helped me keep my fingers on the keyboard? During the 2020 pandemic, when I had a lot more time at home, I was able to simplify my first task in shaping the book. I realized the first step was to comb through my weekly updates that I had been writing since I started the Sarah-Rise program and copy and paste any parts that felt especially book worthy into a new document. That was simple and straightforward. It was also mostly chronological at that point. After many hours of cutting and pasting, I wrote an introduction for the book and a few connecting paragraphs to tie my excerpts together, and then I hoped I was done, but I knew I needed help. As with finding volunteers for the Sarah-Rise program, I found that help by talking to people about what I was doing and what I was looking for. 

I mentioned to a babysitter that I needed to find an editor. My sitter happened to know an editor and gave me her information. This was the startling moment of learning that you can just find an editor and pay them to help you. You don’t have to wait to be discovered or find an agent or have your book accepted by a publisher before acquiring an editor! Later, I learned about Reedsy.com which is a whole website dedicated to helping authors find the specialists they need.

I loved what I read on my editor’s website, and I loved the memoir that she herself had written. We connected well through a phone call, and I sent her my manuscript. She sent me a comprehensive developmental response and a sample of a line-editing response, both of which gave me weeks of revisions to attend to. At this point I realized my manuscript needed a lot of work. I hired my editor to help me with careful line edits of each chapter, while also helping with the big picture. We went through multiple rounds of my revisions and her suggestions. We rearranged sections as much as we could be thematic and chronological, though to me this often felt like turning a truck without power steering. While this process also felt overwhelming at times, as long as I could simplify my tasks, so I only focused on the next step, then it felt do-able. Difficult but do-able.

There were many private moments when I cursed and yelled, ranted and raved, certain that I could not possibly make the changes my editor was suggesting. She wanted me to add dialogue and more details to past situations. I felt like that was fabricating things since I hadn’t written dialogue in my updates. My editor assured me that I had leeway in writing a memoir and that no one would be fact checking my dialogue pieces. It turns out that writing the dialogue was easier to do than I initially thought. While I may not remember the exact words that we used, I certainly know the characters and our intentions. So, I wrote the dialogue, and I rearranged passages, and eventually my pages came together enough that I thought it was time to investigate the next steps towards publication.

I spoke with a friend whose work is published through one of the major publishers, asking her how she found an agent and publisher. She suggested that I might like She Writes Press, a hybrid publisher. I hadn’t known about hybrid publishing, but it indeed seemed like a good fit. The idea that finding an agent can take over a year was daunting and query letters equally so. I loved the idea that I could submit directly to a publisher, but that they would still have to approve my work as print-worthy before agreeing to work with me. With hybrid publishers, authors pay for publication and for help with all the steps towards publication such as copy editing, proofreading, cover design, and layout. Authors also retain a lot of control and must give approval before anything moves forward. This combination of assistance and agency felt like the perfect fit for me. 

Eventually I had what I again thought was a polished, finished, ready-to-go manuscript! I thought I could submit to She Writes Press soon, not realizing their word limit of 100,000 would require extensive editing on my part. I proudly gave my manuscript to my husband for him to read through, expecting a quick read and an easy, “wow, this is great!”

That is not what happened. He bravely, thoughtfully, and lovingly edited my book for real. He saw new opportunities for rearranging some of the material to make everything flow together more cohesively. He challenged some details, and we debated what things were most important and what details took away from my story. I often felt defensive and teary. This book was my new baby, and it was hard to share the parenting of it, even though I also desperately wanted my husband’s approval given that I was writing about our daughter. It took a lot of work from both of us to trim my book to under 100,000 words so I could submit it to She Writes Press. While the editing and revising was painful and sometimes tear-filled, it was worth it to get to the finished product you can now read in Watching Sarah Rise: A Journey of Thriving with Autism.

People sometimes ask if I’m working on the sequel, and my answer is no. Writing a book is hard! Editing and revising are hard! If there is a lot of interest in my book and readers clamor for a sequel then I will happily delve into those memories. If I do undertake such a thing, I will be so much more equipped for how to begin. I now know how many resources are available to help me bring it into being. I do love writing, and I love it when my writing touches others and helps them feel less alone on their own journey. Running Sarah-Rise was a huge undertaking, at times daunting and overwhelming, but ultimately one of the best things I’ve ever done with my life.

Similarly, writing Watching Sarah Rise was at times daunting and overwhelming, but it has also been an incredibly rewarding experience. I relearned the lesson that when something feels insurmountable, the only thing I have to do is figure out my next step and do it. And then figure out the next small step. I also relearned that I am never alone and that there is so much help to be had if I just ask for it and am willing to accept it, even if at first, I may go kicking and screaming into accepting the very feedback I sought. You can do this too. If you have a story in your heart, no matter how untenable it may feel to consider putting it into a book, you can figure out your next tiny step and eventually find your way through to a publishable conclusion.

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Jenny Briggs has a BA in English Literature from Swarthmore College. She is a licensed massage therapist and an Alexander Technique teacher. She lives in Pittsburgh, PA with her husband and two daughters.

WATCHING SARAH RISE

For readers who love inspiring true stories, a contemporary memoir from a mother who helped her nonverbal daughter with autism find her voice.

Families who have supported a child with special needs will connect with this memoir about Sarah, a feisty girl with autism and a unique genetic blueprint. Her mom, Jenny, is equally feisty and determined, which leads her to make a commitment that dramatically changes her and Sarah’s lives—as well as those of many others.

Sarah’s early years are filled with challenges, and Jenny and her husband, Carl, try various therapies in an effort to help her. At four years old, Sarah is still nonverbal, still doesn’t use the potty, and still struggles with eating. Jenny knows she must do more. She has heard of a method developed by the Autism Treatment Center of America called The Son-Rise Program, which, through loving, supportive interaction, aims to foster social connection in people with autism. It is a huge undertaking, requiring hours of one-on-one therapeutic playtime, which means Jenny needs to find and train volunteers to make it possible. Though Jenny isn’t sure she can do it, she decides to try. She calls her program Sarah-Rise.

Accompany Jenny as Sarah’s language explodes, her eye contact intensifies, and she plays games, plays imaginatively, uses the potty, eats healthily, reads, and writes. Have your heart warmed and your socks knocked off by this momentous journey.

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing