9 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A WRITER

9 things you should never say to a writer

Last week I spent at a writing retreat in Rhode Island. Airbnb, great company, lots of walks, incredible talks, and ridiculous amounts of work done. I got the structure down (and several essays too) for my upcoming book. I, personally, am a big fan of going away to write because our day-to-day life (though endearing) can also be exhausting and distracting. That said, it took me seven years to return to a writing space because of my life situations and responsibilities.

Writing requires a certain frame of mind and thinking about house chores or work deadlines, or caregiving responsibilities is counter intuitive to productivity. Most of us writers have other adult responsibilities, so people show up with deadlines to their writing retreats or residencies, and the goal is to meet them before they leave. You make deep connections and have enriching conversations. Lots of cooking and laughter because writing depletes you at the level of your cells. Every night that I would go to bed, I would tell my friend that my bones ached.

It’s infuriating when people make callous remarks about writers, the writing life, and the profession of writing. Writers are different kinds of people, but a large majority of us get triggered when people say insensitive and imprudent things.

(1) You are so lucky: Well, writing takes long hours, uncertain results, working in isolation, confronting your inner demons, addressing crippling truths that people choose to ignore, and constantly being misunderstood. I invite you to explore this life and see if you’d use the word “lucky.” I am grateful to be a writer but meeting my writing deadlines requires daily practice of showing up, commitment, dedication, and a thick skin to navigate rejections.

(2) Have fun all week: I am not sure what people assume when they conjure up images of writing residencies. Just so you know, writing retreat is not an 18-year-old kid’s version of spring break in Cancun, Mexico. Yes, being with other writers is heart-warming because they are the people who get you when you say, “I spent an hour obsessing over a comma.” But fun isn’t the word choice unless you go to your 30-story office building to have fun Monday-Friday. Writing is a job like any other profession.

(3) Gosh, I wish I had time to write: Last time I checked, I didn’t stop you. Get a notepad. Pull up your laptop. Find a comfortable chair. Sit your butt down. Commit to your craft. Professional writers make the time to write. I have a full-time career, clients, family, and am doing a doctorate program in Ayurveda. I don’t have hours to goof around or binge watch Netflix. Like other serious writers, I carve out time to write. My question: can you do that?

(4) You must be rich from all the royalty: Someone asked why I stress about new book deadlines because I must be loaded from the royalty checks, courtesy of book sales from my 13 books. I wish more people did fact checking before opening their mouths. Most of my writer friends have full-time jobs to pay their bills.

(5) You should write my life story: Stop telling writers whose story they want to write…unless you are a commissioning editor and can pay us a million dollars for a piece. Truth: If you were that interesting or (dead), I might have given it a thought. Writers choose who and what they write about. Who knows? I might have already written about you and your insipid comments—you just don’t know it.

(6) Can I have a free copy of your book?: Absolutely not! Selling essays or articles and book sales are how a writer makes money. Would you be okay if I asked you for a part of your paycheck or corporate bonus? Or your first born? Don’t be cheap; if you can spend $20 on a bottle of wine, you can afford to buy a book.

(7) Your partner must be so supportive to let you write: Outrageous, right? If you had the talent, your partner would too. I am just saying. Don’t say hurtful things if you don’t snarky responses in return.

(8) I don’t pay but my blog can get you publicity: Someone once asked me if I could write for free for their blog that they were about to launch. You will get free publicity. Apparently, 13 award-winning books and an interview with NBC didn’t prove I was established. I needed her unlaunched and unread blog to get free publicity. I rolled my eyes a million times with this one. By the way, for those interested, that so-called blog never took off.

(9) I have a real job, so I will write when I retire: These passive-aggressive groups of people are the ickiest and often lack talent. Writing is a job. But many of us writers have other jobs and still manage to write. I have a friend who wrote while she was pregnant, after she had the baby, and still continues to write. By the way, she is also a creative writing professor meaning … full-time job aside from being a mom and a writer.

“If you’re offended by my boundaries, then you’re probably one of the reasons I need them.”  ~ Steve Maraboli

—

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: How To and Tips