Your Books Are Not Your Babies
Your Books Are Not Your Babies – And Why Thinking They Are Can Hurt Your Chances Of Success
One of the biggest challenges I have faced since becoming a published author is distancing myself emotionally from my books. Don’t get me wrong; I am extremely proud of all of my novels – five and counting! As every author should be.
Yet that first year was an emotional rollercoaster with absurdly steep highs and lows. To save my sanity, I had to stop thinking of my books as my children and start viewing them as products. This subtle shift in mindset has made a world of difference to my emotional well-being and substantially improved my family life.
Highs and lows of the newly published
When my first book was released in November 2015, I was a nervous wreck, as most authors are when that long-awaited publication day arrives. My book baby, the novel I had spent eight years writing, editing and polishing was finally out!
As soon as it went live, elation and anxiety became my constant companions. I could not wait to see how readers would react to it and checked daily for new reviews. I figured as soon as were posted, I would be able to calm down and get back to finishing book two. Yet when they did start to appear, my angst only increased.
Don’t get me wrong – most of the reviews were extremely positive. However, when your book is your baby the slightest whiff of critique is often too much. I could not help but internalize and personalize any criticism, no matter how small. Writing on those days was nearly impossible.
A great review would elate me like nothing else could. My word count would soar as my joy fueled my writing. Yet inevitably, the high would wear off and I would convince myself that book two could never be as good as the first.
After that second book was released, my anxiety levels doubled. The reviews were rolling in, which was great, but I was completely obsessing over them. Sleeping through the night became increasingly difficult, making me a grumpy mom, co-worker and wife. Working on book three was a horrendous challenge.
In short, fulfilling my dream of being published put me on a rollercoaster that was draining me emotionally and physically. If I was going to keep writing, I had to find a way to get off that crazy ride.
No one loves your children as much as you do
For me, the turning point was finally accepting that once my books are published, they are no longer mine. Sure, they are the stories I wanted to tell – and did. But as soon as they are for sale, they are open to interpretation and examination by complete strangers.
What I finally realized was, if you are marketing your books to a wide audience, not everyone will respond to it in the same way. Writing – just like reading – is subjective. What you may find fascinating, another will find boring. The same goes for your books. One reader will love your latest novel and recommend it to all their friends. Another may think it’s good but not great. That’s life. Each reader brings their own perspective to a book, just as they do any other activity. I know my reading pleasure is colored by my life experiences, as well as other, similar books I have read. I can’t expect strangers to be any different.
You want strangers to read your books
Think about it for a moment: you WANT strangers to read your books. If you are relying on your friends and family to feed you and yours, you are going to be hungry most of the time.
My sanity was restored when I finally realized that my books were NOT my babies, but products I was selling. Because the hard truth is, no one will love your children as much as you do. That goes for kids, pets and books.
But here’s the rub; you can’t pick and choose who gets to read your work. Some people are going to buy it expecting a different kind of story and may be disappointed. But when the right reader finds it, they are going to post about it on social media, email you lovely messages, and recommend it to all their friends. Those are the readers you need to cherish and celebrate.
Nowadays, a great review still makes me do a happy dance and celebrate all those readers out there who love my stories. But a less-than-great review doesn’t crush me. Most importantly, I can go immediately back to work without obsessing over the good or bad.
In short, learning to treat my published work as products has helped restore calm and order to my home life, and allowed me to keep writing.
Love them deeply, let them go
If you are stuck on the same emotional rollercoaster I was, I urge you to try changing your mindset and see if it helps. I have noticed an incredible difference in how well I sleep at night since making the mental switch from book baby to product. Because really, all we want to do is share our stories. And that shouldn’t lead to burn out.
And for the authors out there who can’t help but think of their books as their children: may I suggest picturing them as teenagers about to go away to university for the first time? Love them deeply, but realize they have to find their own way in the world. All you can do is be there to help guide them along the way.
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Jennifer S. Alderson was born in San Francisco, raised in Seattle, and currently lives in Amsterdam. Before settling in the Netherlands, she traveled extensively around Asia, Oceania, Australia, and Central America. Her love of travel, art, and culture inspires her award-winning Zelda Richardson Mystery Series. When not writing, she can be found in a museum, biking around Amsterdam, or enjoying a coffee along the canal while planning her next research trip. Her latest release is Marked for Revenge: An Art Heist Thriller.
Social Media:
Website: http://www.jennifersalderson.com
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/JennifeSAlderson
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jenniferSAldersonauthor
Twitter: https://twitter.com/JSAauthor
Instagram link: http://www.instagram.com/JSAauthor
Amazon Author Page: https://www.amazon.com/Jennifer-S.-Alderson/e/B019H079RA/
Marked for Revenge: An Art Heist Thriller
An adrenaline-fueled adventure set in the Netherlands, Croatia, Italy, and Turkey about stolen art, the mafia, and a father’s vengeance.
When researcher Zelda Richardson begins working at a local museum, she doesn’t expect to get entangled with an art theft, knocked unconscious by a forger, threatened by the mob, or stalked by drug dealers.
To make matters worse, a Croatian gangster is convinced Zelda knows where a cache of recently pilfered paintings is. She must track down an international gang of art thieves and recover the stolen artwork in order to save those she loves most.
The trouble is, Zelda doesn’t know where to look. Teaming up with art detective Vincent de Graaf may be her only hope at salvation.
The trail of clues leads Zelda and Vincent on a pulse-pounding race across Europe to a dramatic showdown in Turkey that may cost them their lives.
Amazon universal link: getbook.at/MarkedForRevenge
Category: Contemporary Women Writers
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Hi Jennifer, Thanks for sharing this. I just released my second book, a novel (see to the right BEYOND THE RIPPLES) and have been thinking about this quite a bit. I think it was helpful that when my memoir was released, I moved from that feeling of “it was my baby” to recognizing it to be such a niche read, and not for everyone. In the process (and while most everything I heard was positive, I did get an email telling me I didn’t know how to write a complete sentence) and it made me step back and realize the most important two things: 1) I certainly don’t like everything I read, even things that are highly rated by others, and 2) I like what I write! It was quite freeing, and I think – finally – at 57 years old, I am a little less concerned about what everyone else thinks. That’s not to say that I don’t want to get positive reviews or want to sell books – and I’m thankful I have a day job I like – but it has been important and freeing.
My first novel, I wrote my baby. My soul baby. Story that had been gestating in my mind in one form or another for a couple of decades. Sent out more queries than I care to admit. Got a decent amount of full requests, but no dice.
Second novel, decided I wasn’t writing for me. I was writing for an audience. Every single chapter had to have something for THEM. Queried about 10 agents, had multiple offers of rep, and signed.
I loved writing my baby, but as you said, no one loves your baby as much as you. And in my case, no one really did love my baby.
Man, that is harsh! I’m glad you were able to find a home for your later work.
Excellent words of wisdom!
I am so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, Pamela.
Thank you for sharing my article with your readers! I really appreciate it.