Writing My Dad My Dog

Rosalynn Carter said it best:

“There are only four kinds of people in the world:

those who have been caregivers,

those who are currently caregivers,

those who will be caregivers,

and those who will need caregivers.

My Dad My Dog is about a daughter, Rachel Morgan, who moves her Alzheimer’s-afflicted dad from an assisted living facility (ALF) into the home she shares with her husband and elderly dog. It’s unconventional, since it’s normally the other way around—from home to facility. But a reversal in financial fortunes has made it impossible to pay for her dad to remain in the facility. 

This is not my personal story, though it is based on two real characters—my dad, Joe, and my dog, Nick. But the book is fiction, because my dad never lived with me. He lived in a lovely ALF, where he received excellent care. Dad passed away there in comfort, with loving family and friends around him. He suffered from Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and diabetes, just as Rachel’s dad does in the book. 

Being Health Care Surrogate to my parents for fourteen years involved not only making medical decisions on their behalf, but also providing loving emotional support. In their lifetimes, they faced many medical challenges that required being in hospitals, surgical units, assisted living facilities, and nursing homes for rehabilitation. I spent hundreds of days in those facilities, always striving to ensure their best care, always learning along the way. 

I really enjoyed visiting my sweet Dad every day in his ALF when I wasn’t traveling or snowed in. Because I bought a wheelchair van, I was able to take him out for lunch, enjoy long drives on the beautiful Blue Ridge Parkway, take him to area attractions, bring him to my home to watch football with my husband and me, and include him in family holidays. I also took him to his doctor’s appointment so I could understand his every change and keep up with evolving treatments. 

But to be honest, it was a relief and a luxury to return him at the end of the day to the ALF where kind and capable people would tend to his every need. 

Then there was the other sweet soul who did live under my roof—Nick, my big black Lab. After many years of hiking and swimming and chasing balls, Nick began to slow down. But his valiant heart and love of being with his people and his canine brothers and sisters kept him relatively active.

As he aged, Nick began showing signs of decline remarkably similar to Dad’s, especially in the last year of their lives. It came as a surprise to me each time I noticed something happening with Dad, such as a change in mobility due to deteriorating muscles and bones, would also be true of Nick. Differences in their cognitive ability, attributable to advancing dementia in each, seemed to track together. Yes, our dogs and cats, who live in safe environments and get veterinary care, can live very long lives—long enough to develop dementia.

But the most astonishing similarity was their abiding sweet dispositions, and their desire to convince others that they were fine, no matter how negatively their afflictions affected them. 

After both passed away—within two months of each other—my husband and I experienced much grief, but we found it more bearable when we talked about the happy times we had with them. I began to imagine how different our life would have been if Dad had lived in our home with us and Nick, without a staff of CNAs to facilitate his personal and medical care. 

And so, the idea for My Dad My Dog was conceived.

To broaden my perspective about what in-home care would entail, I reached out to Memory Care of Asheville, a community-based charitable organization uniquely focused on serving the whole family—caregivers and patients. And I spoke with many who had been or were caregivers to learn what it was really like to take care of a parent or spouse in their homes. Imagination alone wouldn’t suffice for what I hoped to impart in the book.

Much of the purpose in writing the book was to raise awareness of the enormous responsibilities of caregivers. According to the latest report from AARP, about 53 million Americans provide care without pay to an ailing or aging loved one, and they do so for an average of nearly 24 hours per week. Family caregivers should be paid for their time, and I hope to—through the book, articles, radio interviews and podcasts—raise awareness for the plight of family caregivers, and the need to compensate them for doing one of the hardest jobs they’ll ever be faced with.

The publication of My Dad My Dog is occurring when there has been a dramatic uptick in the awareness and media coverage of the caregiving crisis that has surfaced with the coronavirus. But My Dad My Dog is not a medical tome about dementia, nor about the rudimentary aspects of caregiving, though of course these topics are integral to the story. It is a story of unconditional love, with hope, humor and triumphs balancing the challenges of caregiving. 

I hope all readers enjoy the heartwarming story of Joe and Nick’s journey. And for those readers who are also caregivers, I hope they find comfort, relatability and information that makes their lives better.

Within the book’s pages are reminders that we’ll all be involved in caregiving in some capacity in our lifetimes. And what we bring to it, individually and as a nation, will determine the quality and longevity of life for those who mean the most to us.

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About My Dad My Dog

When she moves her Alzheimer’s-afflicted dad into the home that she shares with her husband and elderly dog, Rachel Morgan expects some complications – but she never imagines she’ll encounter the biggest one on the first day. Her normally sweet-natured Dad – a former mailman who’s known too many biting dogs – wants nothing to do with her big black Labrador.

But as Rachel attends to the escalating physical and emotional needs of each, she notices striking similarities in their aging processes and realizes that these two souls whom she loves deeply are on the same journey. With time working against her, Rachel must find a way to transform their uneasy truce into a trusting companionship. In doing so, she hopes to make their journey less lonely and frightening, and more bearable for those who someday must let them go.

“Warner writes smart, sensitive fiction, capturing commitment and sacrifice, and the rare, unconditional love that accompanies it.” -Rochelle Weinstein, USA Today and Amazon bestselling author

“Rebecca Warner’s unmatched gift for telling a heartwarming story shines through in this touching tale of a woman who becomes a caregiver to both her declining father and her elderly dog.” -Nan Reinhardt, USA Today bestselling author of Four Irish Brothers Winery Series

“Rebecca Warner paints a beautiful, timely portrait of unconditional love… My Dad My Dog will linger on as a magnificent achievement from a gifted writer.” -Jill Vogt, author of Dancing With Armando

BUY HERE

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Following a successful career in banking, Rebecca Warner pursued her dream of writing with the publication of her first book, the two-time award-winning political thriller, Moral Infidelity.

Her follow-up, Doubling Back to Love, was included in the popular romantic anthology, Peace, Love and Romance. Her third book, He’s Just A Man, offers self-help advice for women seeking healthy relationships. ­­­­Rebecca lives in Asheville, North Carolina, with her husband, Jason, and their lively, stumpy-tailed cattle dog, Chance. Learn more at www.rebeccajwarner.com.

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing