My Writing Process By Nina Restieri

From the outside, it looked like she had it all figured out, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing, which made her miserable – and being miserable made her feel guilty. Looking around, she realized that most of the other moms she knew were hiding their own overwhelm, sadness, and stress behind the same “perfect mom” mask she was suffocating behind.

“A simple, step-by-step guide for prioritizing real self-care while continuing to care for kids and all of the other responsibilities.”

– Terri Cole, Psychotherapist,

Founder of Terri Cole’s Real Love Revolution® & Terri Cole’s Boundary Bootcamp®

Using the unexpected steps laid out in the book, Nina went from crying in the bathroom to finding her new favorite therapy (hint, it leads to installing a dance pole in her home!). Soulful and excruciatingly honest, OVERCOMING THE MOM-LIFE CRISIS is the essential handbook for stressed and overwhelmed moms, offering up steps for finding lifelong happiness by putting their own needs back on the must-do list.

We’re delighted to feature this piece by Nina on the process of writing her book!

The easiest thing to do on earth is not write. – William Goldman

I dreamed of writing books as a young girl. I imagined myself sitting on a beach in a flowy linen dress, my hair blowing in the wind, letting the words simply flow out onto the page of my fabric-bound notebook. In my fantasy-dream world, inspiration propelled me forward, and as a result the words came to me with little effort, and flowed together beautifully.

When I finally made the decision to write my first book, I learned that the reality of writing is nothing like my girlhood dreams. Writing is many things, but an effortless, leisurely pursuit is not one of them. It requires discipline, and planning, and stamina. It requires commitment to your vision. It requires a willingness to find and use your voice. And it requires a process.

The specific details of the writing process are unique to each writer, but there are fundamental steps that are universal. These steps create a solid structure for your writing to be the best it can be.

Planning

If you’ve gotten to the planning stage, you probably have an idea and have decided to move forward. With my first book, Overcoming the Mom-Life Crisis, this stage lasted for over five years.

At this stage, you simply brainstorm. I recommend starting with a brand new notebook or journal, and start writing down all your random thoughts and ideas on your topic. At this stage, don’t hold back or edit yourself. Brainstorming is all about getting all your thoughts and ideas, no matter how silly or random, out of your head and onto the page. You’ll have time to edit later. For context, I filled three full-sized notebooks with brainstorming ideas for my book.

Once you’ve brainstormed, spend time reviewing your notes for patterns and themes. Once you’ve identified clear patterns and themes, it’s time to start your outline.

Whether it’s a book, an essay, or an article, the outline is where you create the structure of your piece. Some writers create an outline by writing chapter titles, others create a more traditional outline structure. It’s really up to you and what works best for your thought process.

Writing

You have your idea, and you have an outline. Now it’s time to start writing. Writing sounds so simple, right? I’m here to tell you it’s simple — but it’s not always easy. Here are a few tips to make it easier:

• Create a routine. Write at the same time each day, and give yourself a deadline. It can be a time deadline, such as 2 hours each day, from 8am-10am. Or it can be a word count deadline, such as 1,000 words per day. Experiment with these methods to discover which works best for you. What’s important is that you make it a habit to sit down and write, preferably around the same time each day.

• Know that it’s not magic. Sometimes we expect or hope that a magical “muse” will take over and make the writing flow effortlessly. Sometimes, this does happen, and it’s wonderful when it does. You feel yourself in a state of flow, lose track of time, and create pages upon pages of written work with seemingly no effort at all. As much as I’d love to report that this happens all the time, the truth is, it doesn’t. Most days, writing takes effort and hard work. The interesting thing is that the writing is actually just as good on days when it’s hard work as on days when it flows effortlessly. So keep going, even if you aren’t feeling it. The end result will be worth it.

• On days when you’re struggling so much that words simply aren’t coming, try reading. Pick up a book by your favorite author, and read a chapter. Even reading a few pages of someone else’s book can get the gears in your mind moving again enough to get your writing done for that day.

Editing

I wrote the first 100 pages of my book over the course of about six months. I had the opportunity to attend a writer’s retreat group around the six-month mark, and it was fortuitous timing. Reading my work to others, it became clear to me (thanks to the unanimous feedback of literally everyone in my group) that a major edit was necessary. As a result I spent the next six months rewriting the entire manuscript. It took a lot of time and energy, and it was frustrating to have to start over and rewrite everything I’d worked so hard to create. But the book is a thousand times better than it was in its previous incarnation, and I’m grateful to my writer’s group for helping me improve it.

Here are a few tips for the editing stage:

• Show your work to others. If possible, try to stick with people who are active readers, and ask for their honest feedback. Attend a writer’s group or retreat if possible – many communities have groups that are free to attend. Hire a professional editor if your budget allows. Other people’s opinions are not always right, but they’re often valuable to hear regardless. Don’t simply follow what people say, however. Listen with an open mind, then decide for yourself if the feedback rings true for you. This is your piece, and only you know if incorporating someone’s feedback is the right decision for you.

• Finish writing a section or chapter, then edit. In other words, edit when you finish the entire chapter – not when you finish each paragraph. That way you can see each word and sentence and paragraph in the bigger picture of the work you’re creating.

• Put it away and try to forget about it. After editing a chapter, put it away and don’t look at it again for at least 24 hours. Review and edit again with fresh eyes the next day, or better yet, a few days later. Reading your work with fresh eyes will give you a new perspective.

Writing isn’t magic – it requires hard work, time, and discipline. My childhood dreams of living the life of a writer were a far cry from the reality. But in some ways, the reality is even better. By putting in the time and effort at each stage, you can create a piece of work that expresses your vision in the clearest and most beautiful way. Through each stage, from the planning stage through the writing stage, all the way to the editing stage, your voice as a writer will become more clear and true. Finding your voice as a writer may not be easy, but it’s always worth it.

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Overcoming The Mom-Life Crisis

Soulful and excruciatingly honest, Overcoming the Mom-Life Crisis is the essential handbook for stressed-out and overwhelmed moms, offering up steps for creating your own momAgenda and finding lifelong happiness and fulfillment.

From the founder of momAgenda comes the ultimate guide to navigating the mom-life crisis, with a simple process for putting your own long-forgotten needs back on the to-do list.

Nina Restieri was a wife, a mom of four young kids, and a successful entrepreneur. Despite having what most people would consider “it all,” happiness eluded her. She beat herself up daily for not being grateful. But as she looked around, she realized most of the moms she knew shared that same sense of sadness, stress, and overwhelm, all while working hard to keep up the “perfect mom” appearance. Desperate for a change and tired of crying behind a locked bathroom door, Nina embarked upon a ten-year journey that led her to unexpected places—including a pole dancing studio—for peace and solace. After digging deep and facing some painful truths, Nina emerged knowing she deserved more than she was giving herself and figured out that a mom can take care of her kids, and take care of herself. Like a permission slip for mothers to love themselves as much as they do their children, this book chronicles Nina’s journey to putting her mom-life crisis behind her—forever—and offers up a roadmap so you can too.

BUY HERE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nina Restieri is the founder and president of momAgenda. Previously, she has spent time as an advertising executive, as the president of a family business, and as a stay-at-home mom.

She started momAgenda when her four kids were seven, five, three, and one, to create organizing products to help make moms’ lives (and her own life) easier. momAgenda has grown to include a diversified range of products that help organize the lives of mothers and others, including day planners, home organizers, pads, journals, and accessories. The collection is sold at leading national retailers and regional boutiques throughout the U.S. Over the past fifteen years, Nina Restieri and momAgenda have been featured in numerous outlets including NBC’s Today show, The Early Show, MSNBC, Real Simple, Better Homes and Gardens, The New York Times, and The Huffington Post.

EARLY PRAISE FOR OVERCOMING THE MOM-LIFE CRISIS

“This book is perfect for women who feel overwhelmed and stressed out by the demands of parenting and modern life. It is a simple, step-by-step guide for prioritizing real self-care while continuing to care for kids and all of the other responsibilities.” –Terri Cole, Psychotherapist, Founder of Terri Cole’s Real Love Revolution® & Terri Cole’s Boundary Bootcamp®

“Overcoming the Mom-Life Crisis is a must-read. It’s not just about navigating the mom-life crisis—it’s about living life on your terms, and creating your happiest, most joyful, most authentic life possible.”
–Sheila Kelley, Actress and Founder of S Factor

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: How To and Tips