How I Co-Authored a Dual Memoir with my Father Without Discussing it with him
In a recent conversation with a friend, after learning about My Vietnam Your Vietnam, she posed the intriguing question: “How did you manage to co-author a book with your father without discussing it with him?”
I chuckled, responding simply with, ” Good question.”
However, that question uncovers a remarkable truth about the creation of this book: we hardly spoke about it. People often find it hard to believe when I reveal that my father and I hardly interact with each other. This lack of communication with him has defined our relationship, and weighed on my heart for most of my life, influencing all my relationships — particularly my intimate connections with men. Yet, the completion of this book helped me reach the pinnacle of a long healing journey of that primary parental bond. By combing through his story, I developed a profound understanding and love for my father, and ultimately began to understand the way he communicated his love to me.
The genesis of this book began twenty-five years ago when my father penned his story, The Pink Lotus, self-publishing it a few years after my mother passed away. Ten years later while I was living in Việt Nam, the epiphany came to me that I would one day share his story, though at that time, I had no inkling of how that would come to fruition, but did not disclose the narrative structure.
Then, in 2022, after completing my first memoir, I realized our stories could intertwine—that one book could tell both his story and mine. I reached out to my father to ask if he still had the original file for The Pink Lotus. Unfortunately, he did not, so with the physical copy in hand, I typed his words again, at the same time exploring my writing on Việt Nam and finding ways to weave together the themes of our unique love and experience of the motherland.
While working on the book, I kept my intention to intertwine my Việt Nam experiences with his narrative hidden, and curiously, he never probed. Occasionally, I reached out to clarify details or delve into specific topics that needed to be elaborated upon.
Later, in March 2023, while attending a conference at Texas Tech University with my father, I heard him present his ideas on “Two Vietnams.” As he spoke, my mind spun, recognizing insights that shaped not only the book’s introduction but also illuminated our differing perspectives and experiences, and alluded to the historical divisions within the country for hundreds of years.
When the conference ended and while he was en route to his home in Virginia, I texted him, requesting a summary of his talk. I was excited about this epiphany, and my father implicitly understood this.
During the subsequent months, while searching for a publisher, my father remained completely unaware of the book’s structure or my writing perspective. Only after securing a publisher, and following meticulous rounds of editing, did I share the full manuscript with him. My fear and apprehension were tangible; I worried he might disagree with the structure or specific content. My primary intention with him reading the full manuscript was to seek his expertise in reviewing the Vietnamese diacritics, given my limited Vietnamese language skills. His reaction, however, was both surprising and reassuring. He carefully reviewed the text in just two days, providing feedback with the grace that has always defined our relationship yet often remained hidden to me.
Along with the revised manuscript, he sent this message.
Although he wrote only a few words, they landed straight to my heart. All the worries and fears I had of his disapproval washed away, and I felt his respect for my creative vision. Those succinct lines felt reassuring and soothed my concerns. Most importantly, they reverberated his love.
This undertaking has deepened my admiration and affection for my father. The trust and the way our stories have woven together have underscored my respect for his journey. My youthful experiences in Việt Nam pale in comparison to his profound odyssey, yet they found harmony. His unflagging belief and confidence in my creative process demonstrated his love for me and his faith in my vision.
When I responded to him, I expressed my gratitude for his journey, courage, wisdom, and willingness to share. I feel honored and blessed to have such an intelligent, respectful, kind, thoughtful, and profound father. Although not many words pass between us, the emotion, the care and the concern can be read through these pages.
To this day, my father continues to inspire me to seek deeper understanding and greater purpose.
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Christina Vo is a writer based in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The Veil Between Two Worlds, her debut memoir, will be published in April 2023. She is currently working on her second memoir. Christina previously worked for international organizations in Vietnam and Switzerland, including UNICEF and the World Economic Forum, among other institutions. She also ran a floral design business in San Francisco. She is a graduate of the London School of Economics and Political Science and the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. You can learn more at: christinavo.com
A chronicle of the divergent journeys of a father, who fled post-war Vietnam on a small boat to find refuge in the United States, and his American-born daughter, who ventures to Vietnam as an adult, capturing the stark contrast between their perspectives as they strive to heal the long-term wounds of war.
In this dual memoir, Christina Vo and her father, Nghia M. Vo, delve into themes of identity and heritage, with intertwined stories that present a multifaceted portrayal of Vietnam and its profound influence on shaping both familial bonds and individual identities across time.
Nghia left Vietnam in April 1975 with only the clothes on his back, following the US withdrawal of troops and the fall of Saigon. After a harrowing two month journey, he found himself in a refugee camp outside Harrisburg, Pennsylvania where he began the painful process of reconnecting with his family and rebuilding his life as a medical doctor. He never spoke about Vietnam with his daughter, Christina, who grew up in the US, As a restless young adult, she felt a longing to discover her heritage and soon moved to Hanoi, to experience a Vietnam that had changed dramatically since the war, yet retained some of the ancient traits she experienced in her own father.
Captivating in its fluid movement and evocative depictions of place, My Vietnam, Your Vietnam offers readers a rich, multilayered exploration of Vietnam through two very distinct voices and perspectives. The memoir aims to deepen readers’ understanding and appreciation of Vietnam and its culture by showcasing these two contrasting viewpoints.
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Category: On Writing
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