Finding Inspiration to Write About Trauma

Finding Inspiration to Write About Trauma

Someone once told me, “You don’t look like what you’ve been through.” Thank goodness for that, because if I did, this middle-aged woman might frighten small children. She meant it as a compliment, though, because today I’m a reasonably well-adjusted person. But let me tell you—getting here didn’t come without scars.

Talking about domestic violence, especially when it involves a child, isn’t exactly light reading. If I’m honest, it’s not the kind of story most people want to hear, unless there’s a fairy tale ending. It took me thirty years to heal from my own trauma and another five to summon the courage to write about it. Even then, I second-guessed myself constantly. I softened the truth in early drafts, shifting blame and minimizing my shame. The truth, however, was messy, and there were things in my memoir my family didn’t even know. The idea of sitting down and explaining it all made me question whether I should write it at all.

Writing it was an emotional rollercoaster. The memories were so vivid that sometimes just recalling them left me feeling drained and depressed. I often wondered, “Who in the world would want to read this?” Thankfully, I have incredible friends—strong, no-nonsense women who don’t let me wallow in self-doubt. They gave me the push I needed, always with a healthy dose of love (and maybe the occasional eye roll).

Eventually, I decided to write for myself, as if no one else would ever read it. That little shift made all the difference. Suddenly, the words flowed like a river, raw and unfiltered. I gave myself permission to feel whatever came up, without judgment. And even though it hurt, I didn’t shy away from the ugly parts. I reminded myself that I am who I am because of what I went through—not in spite of it. Standing Up is a result of that decision.

I moved beyond the abuse and built a life I never imagined for myself. Along the way, I learned to trust myself and to lean on others when I needed help. Saying “yes” to the support of so many “earthly angels” made all the difference. One small step at a time, I moved forward.

In 1997, at the age of 36, I started a career in law enforcement. Most people might celebrate their mid-thirties with a spa day or a yoga retreat. Not me. I joined the police academy, surrounded by a bunch of 20-somethings who could run circles around me. While they bounced back from workouts with protein shakes, I was limping back to my car, wondering if I could sneak in a nap before dinner. But I survived. Not only did I survive, I thrived.

For nineteen years, I served in law enforcement until mandatory retirement unceremoniously kicked me out. During those years, I worked in the Domestic Violence Detective Unit, Child Abuse Squad, Robbery/Homicide, and eventually became Commander of the Mounted Patrol. Not bad for someone who started by huffing and puffing through academy drills while secretly wishing for an ice pack and a nap.

One case during my time as a detective in the Domestic Violence Unit hit me hard. A young pregnant woman was assaulted by her boyfriend, and she lost the baby as a result. When we met, shame and helplessness were written all over her face, and though our assault experiences weren’t exactly the same, I knew first-hand how she felt. Having been a survivor of domestic violence, I recognized the humiliation associated with being assaulted by my husband and I wanted to help her. It was heartbreaking—and painfully familiar. Investigating her case gave me a new perspective on my own trauma because I saw her pain, her courage, and her resilience and found compassion not only for her, but for myself. For the first time, I started to see those same qualities in me. That case taught me to let go of the shame I’d been carrying for years.

Let me be clear: my story isn’t about pity. It’s about resilience. Sure, I’ve lived through nightmares I’ll never unsee. But I’ve also had incredible, life-changing experiences. And none of it—good or bad—would have been possible without my past. I wouldn’t wish domestic violence on anyone, but my trauma gave me a unique perspective that helped me connect with victims in ways other officers couldn’t.

Looking back, I see that nothing in my life was a mistake. Not only have I survived, but I’ve thrived. I’m sharing my story—not for sympathy, but to remind others that you’re more than what you’re going through. You get to decide what it all means.

Today, I stand tall as a survivor. I’ve let go of the shame and am determined to help break the silence around domestic violence. If you’re in a similar situation, know this: you’re not alone. There’s help out there—friends, family, support organizations. You deserve a life free from fear and violence.

And if you ever doubt yourself, remember this: you’re braver than you believe, stronger than you feel, and smarter than you think. If a 36-year-old woman could survive the police academy and thrive in a career chasing bad guys at on horseback at fifty, you can survive this. Trust me—you’ve got more in you than you realize.

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Mary Sweeney-Devine graduated from Wilmington University with a Bachelor’s degree before joining the Police force. She served in the detective unit, was promoted to sergeant, and commanded the mounted patrol until her retirement in 2016. Mary’s debut memoir, “Standing Up – Making the Best out of Surviving the Worst.” is a story of triumph over adversity. Besides writing, Mary loves painting, swimming, hiking, and horses. She now serves as an investigator for the State of Delaware while dreaming of her next book. Mary resides in Middletown, Delaware.

Standing Up: Making the Best Out of Surviving the Worst K

For true-crime fans, a gripping memoir of a domestic violence survivor who becomes a police detective in the domestic violence unit and is forced to face her demons when her first major case mirrors her own violent assault.

Standing Up invites you on an exhilarating journey with a woman who refuses to be defined by her scars. A pulse-pounding chronicle of survival against all odds, this memoir takes readers along on a plunge into the chilling depths of abusive relationships.

At the tender age of twenty-three, Mary Sweeney-Devine unwittingly stumbled into the clutches of her abuser, igniting anguish and despair. With each heart-wrenching trial, including a hospital visit, she unearthed a reservoir of resilience she didn’t know she possessed. But just when she thought she had weathered the storm, a second marriage to a recovering alcoholic unleashed a tempest of secrets and unforeseen challenges.

Yet Devine emerged from the darkness, fueled by an unyielding determination and a fierce spirit. With the help of unexpected allies, determination, and a sprinkling of humor, she navigated the treacherous terrain of her past—and reclaimed her life with courage. Offering hope to those ensnared in the vicious cycle of abuse, Standing Up is a riveting testament to Devine’s indomitable spirit and a gripping saga that will leave you breathlessly rooting for the victory of the human heart over adversity.

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Category: On Writing