After the Book Launch: Afterglow or Aftermath? Part Two

Are we strengthened or rendered vulnerable by putting our truth into the hands of strangers? 

Read Part One HERE

By Cathy Park Kelly

I spoke to three authors who have been published in the past year: Tracy Going’s – an award-winning former South African TV and radio news anchor –  haunting memoir tells of her brutal assault by her intimate partner and delves into her childhood with a violent father.

Désirée-Anne Martin’s book, ‘We Don’t Talk About It. Ever.’ is a harrowing memoir of a good girl’s descent into drug addiction.

Niki Malherbe’s book ‘Somewhere In Between’, is her second self-published book. In it, she explores the elusive concept of ‘work / life’ balance for women in her distinctive style.

In the second part of this interview with two memoirists and an essayist (sounds like the start of a ‘walk into a bar’ joke), we explored how they dealt with the vulnerability of having their truth published and in the public eye.

How did you practice self-care through the vulnerable moments?

DM: I am blessed with a very supportive husband, who held and contained me. Therapy was a huge help, both during the writing process and afterwards. And a good support network of nurturing and loving friends.

TG: I have to detach, and I’m constantly redefining my boundaries. I’ve learnt to keep a little distance between me and the audience or reader. In an interview, if someone asks me a question that I feel is inappropriate, I’ll just say, ‘That’s unwarranted’ … because over-sharing is dangerous. And then you become vulnerable.

NM: As I reflect back on my book now, I still believe in what I said but it’s interesting how you evolve, based on what you’ve read or experienced. For me, the hardest part is that strangers are making assumptions about me based on what they’ve read in my book. Sometimes, they construe the book in a way that’s completely different from how I see myself.

TG: Yes, I still get long, meaningful hugs from strangers in the supermarket, who want to know if I’m alright. But I reassure them that it was a long time ago.

NM: The base response is that most people think it’s very brave, very honest.

Were there any unexpected responses to your books?

TG: What has taken me by surprise is the response from men all over South Africa, both victims and perpetrators of violence.

We tend to think that domestic violence is a women’s issue, but there are little boys who grow up watching their mothers being beaten. I see this topic as being more of a cause actually. I believe fervently that I was given the story to tell it.

That’s why, when I wrote the book, I didn’t want to alienate anyone, or aim it only at women. We’re all in this together.

Post-publication, was there any sense of an afterglow for you?

TG: I knew I was prepared to be available for any and all marketing, but I didn’t anticipate it was going to be as busy as it has been.

And I’ve been very grateful for the responses from readers, the letters they’ve sent, etc. I’m also very grateful for my story, that I’ve been able to tell it.

DM: I also feel gratitude for having lived my story, for being able to share it, for getting it published. I feel immensely grateful that it was published and that my truth has in some way impacted other people. I feel increasingly triumphant, that I can continue telling my truth. And it’s gotten easier as time has gone by, to speak my truth openly in public.

NM: Now that I’m working on my next book, I can put in my previous book as a reference. (Laughs) And even though I’m over my book in a way, it’s as though it’s prepared me for writing the next one.

TG: Even though my story is an old one, I was left feeling very vulnerable. And do still… as strong and tough as I am.

But these three courageous authors prove that toughness and vulnerability are not polar opposites. This is the beauty of strong stories and the bravery of the tellers of these stories. Because it is when the shield splits apart, or a chink appears in the armor, that we feel the heart of the warrior woman.

And that’s what gives us the strength to put the book down, haul ourselves off the couch and walk back into our own lives, heartened and just that little bit bolder.

Interview by Cathy Park Kelly

You can find all three books on Amazon:

‘Brutal Legacy’ by Tracy Going

‘Somewhere In Between’ by Niki Malherbe

‘We Don’t Talk About It. Ever’ by Désirée-Anne Martin

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: Interviews