Being a Parent Helped Me Become a Better Writer
Photo credit: Gracemarie Photography
Being a parent and a writer often seem mutually exclusive. If you can barely find time to brush your teeth or empty the dishwasher while caring for tiny (or teenaged) humans, how can you carve out the weeks, months, or years required to craft an essay or a ninety-thousand word novel?
Personally, I’m never more popular with my brood than when I attempt to sneak away to my attic desk to outline a new chapter or edit a rough draft. Something about the almost-imperceptible clicking of my keyboard causes my sons’ ears to perk and suddenly they’re beside me, regaling me with tales from their math classes, ranking their favorite pizza toppings, and sharing which cars they’d buy if they won the lottery.
While it’s tempting to shoo them back downstairs, as a writer, I owe my sons a debt of gratitude. They’re a constant source of inspiration and material for essays and humor pieces. More than that, parenting has provided me with hard-won wisdom and key strategies that have helped me in the writing life. Let me count the ways.
Raising children has taught me patience. From resisting the urge to intervene as a kindergartner takes a full five minutes to tie his shoelaces to swallowing a scream when a simple bedtime routine stretches into a two-hour event, kids force us to slow down and accept that things may take longer than we’d like. Whether you’ve sent an editor a pitch or your manuscript is on submission, you need to harness that patience and find a way to get comfortable with waiting.
When my sons were younger, they’d have meltdowns each time beloved Lego creations came apart. “As long as we have the pieces, we can fix it,” I’d assure them. I apply that same philosophy to writing. As long as I have words on the page and a vision for the finished product, I know I can build something. It might seem impossible initially, but having the pieces is half the battle.
Like many children, mine could be picky eaters. Whenever I tried a new recipe, I knew there’d probably be a few “no thank you!”s, but I clung to the hope that maybe one kid would devour this unfamiliar dish. I take that same “Someone may love this!” energy into pitching and querying. Rather than get discouraged when those rejections roll in, it’s best to remember that so much is subjective. What one editor doesn’t like, another may adore.
Parenting, much like writing, has its fair share of doubt-inducing moments. I’ll never forget the day my oldest, a preschooler at the time, licked our public library’s bathroom door knob as I watched in disbelief while holding his infant brother and a giant diaper bag. It sent me into a “Where am I going wrong? Maybe I’m not cut out for this?” spiral similar to the one I would experience years later upon receiving a string of rejections for the manuscript I was certain would launch my career as a novelist. But just as you need to persevere during those difficult parenting episodes, abandoning your art and your craft isn’t an option. In both cases, you need to do the work and keep the faith that the kids and the content will eventually make their way into the world and be just fine.
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Bio: Liz Alterman’s work can be found in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Parents, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, and other publications. She is the author of the young adult novel, He’ll Be Waiting, the memoir, Sad Sacked, and the forthcoming domestic suspense novel, The Perfect Neighborhood. Liz lives in New Jersey with her husband and three sons. When she isn’t writing, Liz spends most days reading, microwaving the same cup of coffee, and looking up synonyms. Follow her on Twitter or Instagram.
THE PERFECT NEIGHBORHOOD
Liz Alterman’s engrossing novel is a thought-provoking read about the dark side of suburbia and the secrets of close-knit communities, perfect for fans of Joshilyn Jackson.
When actress and model Allison Langley leaves her former rockstar husband, Christopher, in the middle of the night, it’s all her Oak Hill neighbors can talk about. The gossip comes to an abrupt halt when five-year-old Billy Barnes goes missing on his walk home from kindergarten.
Billy’s mother, Rachel, blames herself for being at work and letting her only child walk alone. Cassidy, Billy’s teenage babysitter, was also late to arrive on the afternoon he disappeared and blames herself for his disappearance.
As the clock ticks down, police are unable to find any trace of Billy, forcing Rachel to ponder the enemies she’s made in their well-off suburb. Could it be one of her neighbors who stole her son? Would they abduct Billy to hurt her? How easy would it be to take a child while the parents or nannies are distracted?
When another child goes missing, the town is put under a microscope as the police try to get to the bottom of the disappearances. Will they be able to find the two children, or will it be too late? What secrets lie at the heart of this tragedy, and how far will one go to keep those dangerous secrets buried?
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