Dads And Their Daughters

When a gunman opened fire on tourists sunbathing on the beach in Tunisia on 26th June 2015, one girl fled with her boyfriend into their hotel reception – and then she called her dad back in the UK to ask him what she should do. It was a poignant detail of that awful tragedy that has stuck in my mind long afterwards. Her dad told her to follow the receptionists’ advice and stay locked in her room until they were sure it was over; I bet he calmed her down a lot. I used to have a dad like that; a dad who always knew what to do.

When I started writing my latest novel The Lost Daughter I had in the back of my mind that it would be about good dads and bad dads, and what life is like for the children of both types. I don’t want to include any spoilers but hope anyone who has read it will recognise the way the characters are affected by their relationships with their fathers, for better or for worse.

Perhaps the single greatest piece of good luck I had in my life was being born to a good dad. I have lots of friends who weren’t: they were mentally or physically abused by their dads, or never knew their dads, or were abandoned by their dads, or had dads who drank, took drugs, or hit their mums. It doesn’t mean my friends were doomed, but it made relationships that bit more tricky, meant they had less confidence in their careers and ability to support themselves, and when it came to parenthood they had to write their own rulebooks without a role model they wanted to emulate. Not impossible, but certainly more of a struggle.

We all know what makes a bad dad, but what does it take to be a good one? Mine was the bedrock my young life was constructed on. He could fix anything that broke. He could always help with homework, no matter what subject. He treated me as he treated my brother and gave me the confidence to take calculated risks. I didn’t go to him with emotional problems but if I had, he would have done his best. He wasn’t particularly demonstrative or fulsome in praise but he was endlessly patient when teaching me things (except driving… but I admit that was a health and safety issue). When he died in 2013, I worried that I’d lost my anchor, but it turns out he had passed on enough heft already that I’m able to stand steady on my own, and even support other people.

Is it sexist to separate a dad’s role from a mum’s? Clearly, in modern families there are lots of variations on the one-parent-of-each-sex model. Single parents have to attempt both roles; gay couples might each do a bit of one and a bit of the other; and heterosexual couples now share parenting in less traditional ways. So I’m using the word ‘dad’ loosely to apply to anyone who fulfils this role; the word ‘he’ could equally be ‘she’. But here are the things I think matter:

• At crunch times, he is there for you, beginning, middle and end, and you know he will be. There is no doubt in your mind that he will be on your side.

• He believes in you and transmits that belief over and over again until you are able to believe in yourself.

• He is rational about the dangers of the world, teaching you how to be safe without living in fear.

• You can hear his voice in your head when you need him. I still hear mine five years after he died. Usually saying things like “When did you last clean out the dishwasher filter?” or “Waste not, want not” – but hey! It proves he cared.

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Gill Paul is a Scottish-born, London-based writer of historical fiction and non-fiction. Her novels include The Lost Daughter, about the Romanov royal family, Another Woman’s Husband, about Wallis Simpson and Princess Diana, the USA Today bestseller The Secret Wife, Women and Children First, a novel set on the Titanic which was shortlisted for an RNA Award, The Affair and No Place for a Lady, which was shortlisted for a Love Stories Award.

Her non-fiction includes A History of Medicine in 50 Objects, World War I Love Stories and Royal Love Stories.

Gill lives in London, where, as well as writing full-time, she enjoys swimming year-round in an outdoor pond.

Find Gill online at www.gillpaul.com, on Facebook at /GillPaulAuthor, on Twitter @GillPaulAUTHOR and on Instagram @gill.paul1.
Gill Paul’s new novel The Lost Daughter is out now https://www.amazon.co.uk/Lost-Daughter-bestselling-author-Secret-ebook/dp/B0777PD616

About THE LOST DAUGHTER

‘Bold and powerful, filled with emotion, tension and vivid characters in a setting that is rich in historical detail’ Kate Furnivall

A Russian princess. An extraordinary sacrifice. A captivating secret…

From the author of The Secret Wife, a gripping journey through decades and across continents, of love, devastating loss and courage against all odds.

1918
With the country they once ruled turned against them, the future of Russia’s imperial family hangs in the balance. When middle daughter Maria Romanova captivates two of the guards, it will lead to a fateful choice between right and wrong.

Fifty-five years later . . .
Val rushes to her father’s side when she hears of his troubling end-of-life confession: ‘I didn’t want to kill her.’ As she unravels the secrets behind her mother’s disappearance when she was twelve years old, she finds herself caught up in one of the world’s greatest mysteries.

Readers adore the novels of Gill Paul:

‘A brilliantly emotional read’ Woman’s Own

‘As rich in historical detail as it is captivating ****’ Heat

‘One of my favourite books of this year. Fascinating, glamorous and utterly compelling… historical fiction at its best’ Tracy Rees, author of The Hourglass

‘A marvellous, perfect read’ The Sun

‘Cleverly crafted and enthralling. A triumph’ Dinah Jeffries

‘A wonderful book. Loved the seamless blend of fact and fiction’ Kathryn Hughes

‘Compelling and full of surprises ****’ The Lady

‘This engrossing, heart-wrenching novel moves between the decades, combining history with fiction to portray the tragic events of the Russian Revolution’ Sunday Express

‘Riveting! I thoroughly enjoyed this intriguing tale of friendship and betrayal’ Rosanna Ley

‘With superb story-telling and a lush backdrop of period detail…a novel that is impossible to put down, abouttwo women who are impossible to forget. I loved it!’ Hazel Gaynor

‘I devoured Another Woman’s Husband in a few days. This has bestseller written all over it’ Louise Beech

‘With seamless ease Gill evokes the events and characters of two eras…with great verve and a smattering of delicious fictional licence. Delightful’ Liz Trenow

‘Gill Paul has taken two of the twentieth century’s most enigmatic women, one revered, the other reviled, and woven them into a deft story of friendship and betrayal’ Kate Riordan

 

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Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing