How a Song Became a Novel

By Jennifer Haupt

The kernel of the idea for my novel began with iconic song lyrics: 

Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend
As an old enemy

Nirvana’s powerful and haunting song “Come As You Are” has long been at the top of the playlist for my life. Kurt Cobain described it as “about people, and what they’re expected to act like.” The lyrics are intentionally full of contradictions and confusing, just as people often are. Just as the characters who populate my novel, Come As You Are, often are.

I interpreted these lyrics as the struggle for acceptance of self. The person you remember yourself to be and reconciling that image with who you are now. We change as we lose the freedom of youth and need to become responsible adults. Parents. There’s sometimes a tinge of sorrow involved in that. Sorrow over what has been lost, dreams that have to be abandoned as we grow up. There has to be a reconciliation with the past and lots of self-compassion in order to become the most loving parents we can be. 

At least, that’s what I took from this Nirvana song as inspiration for my novel about two best friends, misfit teens Skye and Zane, who are torn apart by Zane’s drug addiction as well as lost dreams, and then the need to come together again as parents.

The relationship between Skye and Zane starts out with the bonding of two outcast teens in grunge-era Seattle who express themselves with music, for Zane, and drawing, for Skye. They get each other, accept each other, like no one else does. They love each other but are clear that sex is a line they won’t cross. When Skye’s sister, Lauren, dies in a horrific accident everything changes. The loneliness and confusion of grief sometimes brings people closer and sometimes tears them apart. Both of these things happen to Skye, age 17, and 19-year-old Zane. 

They turn to each for more than friendship. A mistake that happens once, and they agree won’t happen again. When Skye becomes pregnant and decides to keep the baby, though, that complicates things. Suddenly, their relationship involves another person they both love and they must figure out how to become a family. 

Skye and Zane try and take care of each other emotionally, as they have always done. But when Zane has to give up his dream of moving to L.A. and signing a recording deal, that takes a toll on their relationship. They both want to be good to each other and be good parents, but they aren’t equipped to do that. Complicating matters more, they share a secret about Lauren’s death. This secret bonds them and also eats away at their relationship, eventually tearing them apart in a violent way that seems irreconcilable. 

Six years later, now in their late twenties, Zane and Skye must come together as parents. The question is: can they face the truth of who they are—the good and the bad—and become the parents their daughter needs them to be?

The heart of this story lies in reconciling with the past to build a better future for our children. It’s about grieving for the fantasies of our youth we give up, and fully embracing the new hopes and dreams revolving around family. 

I hope you enjoy reading Come As You Are.

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Jennifer Haupt is the author of the novels In the Shadow of 10,000 Hills and Come As You Are. She’s also the editor of Alone Together: Love, Grief, and Comfort in the Time of COVID-19, which has raised over $40,000 for the Book Industry Charitable Foundation and was awarded the 2021 Washington State Book Award for General Nonfiction. Haupt’s essays and articles have been widely published and her popular Psychology Today blog is a collection of essays and interviews for authors and readers.  

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