How Being a Wedding Planner Impacts My Stories as a Romance Writer
How Being a Wedding Planner Impacts My Stories as a Romance Writer
The reaction when people find out about my day job is pretty universal: a long drawn out awwwwwww quickly followed by the question “Do you write your books about weddings?”
The simple answer is no, or maybe more accurately, not yet, since I never say never. I’ve never had the desire to write a book about a wedding planner, or really anyone involved in the wedding sphere, I think mostly because I use my writing as a form of escape, and no matter how romantic and fun a job it might be, working weddings is just that: work.
But even though weddings are not at the center of my contemporary romance novels, it doesn’t mean that my experience doesn’t inform my writing, because of course it does. All our experiences inform our writing, mine just happen to be more directly tied to the subject matter than some others. (And even though I coordinate weddings for all kinds of couples, my books feature man/woman pairings, hence some of the heteronormative language in this piece.)
So what’s the biggest impact my career as a wedding planner has had on my writing? It’s pretty basic, and yet the most complex: it’s the people. I don’t know if you’ve ever had the chance to people watch at a wedding, but it’s pretty fascinating. So many emotions, so many stressors, and so much alcohol. It makes for some really interesting moments. But I think what is the most helpful for me is watching the relationships, watching the way my couples interact with one another. I get an inside peek at one of the most intimate (and stressful and emotional and expensive and fraught and gorgeous and perfect) moments of a couple’s life together and from that, I take away plenty of in person, real life examples of how couples communicate.
Sometimes those examples are healthy and mature. And sometimes…they’re not. I’ve definitely seen some moments that made me think these people should probably not be getting married. It doesn’t happen often, but each specific instance I can think of involves a groom who has been rude, condescending, and/or demanding to his bride. It’s very easy for me to paint a mental picture of the kind of man I want my heroes NOT to be, and it’s that guy. The one who talks to everyone around him—from his mother to his future wife to the staff working his wedding—like we are all beneath him.
Now, in the romance sphere, sometimes this so-called alpha hero can be redeemed, but I think you’ll find a common thread among my heroes is they are the softest of cinnamon rolls. My experiences dealing with so many different kinds of couples have most undoubtedly informed that decision.
More often than not, though, my couples are fantastic human beings who truly love and respect one another. That doesn’t mean everything is all sunshine and roses, of course. Weddings involve some of the most stressful aspects of any relationship, namely money and family dynamics. It’s rare for a couple not to have any disagreements along their wedding planning journey, but what I have learned is most essential is how those conflicts are handled. Communication (and most importantly, respectful communication) is key. I have a front row seat while some of these problems are discussed and resolved and it has given me a lot of insight as to how to handle the conflicts between my characters. Of course, a lot of times my characters aren’t all that great at communicating, which is something they have to learn! Even though many romance readers are not a fan of the miscommunication trope, it is probably the most true to life type of conflict.
Speaking of true to life, if you’ve ever heard someone make a comment along the lines of romance novels give unrealistic expectations to women because men in real life will never live up, I’m happy to report that that’s absolutely not true. I’ve seen some real grand gesture level surprises. I’ve heard vows that make me cry, despite hearing some version of them thirty times a year. I’ve seen grooms look at their brides like the whole world begins and ends with them. There are some real life romance heroes out there, they do exist!
One of the most fun parts about working in the wedding industry is the celebratory aspect of it. Not every day is a party, but a lot of the days are parties, and wedding days tend to carry their own sort of magic. With a few exceptions, everyone is joyful and kind and truly happy to be toasting a love story. While I might not ever write a whole book about a wedding planner, the experiences I’ve had in my twelve years of coordinating weddings have most assuredly influenced how I write about love. Week after week, I get to work with amazing couples celebrating their love and promising to keep that love forever. What better job for a romance writer than this weekly confirmation that happily ever afters exist?
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Category: On Writing
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