How I Came To Write The Bones Of You

During the summer of 2013, as far as writing was concerned, I reached a crossroads.  I’d written and submitted to agents three commercial women’s fiction titles, the last of which was Wildflowers.  I’d had enough positive feedback from some of the agents to keep me writing and Wildflowers had caught the attention of six, all of whom requested the full manuscript and none of whom took it further.  By the way, I sent it to Juliet Mushens, who rejected it on the strength of the first three chapters – she is now my agent. I am proof it pays to persevere!

Like my other two books, I self-published Wildflowers and it sold well.  In fact, all three sold and continue to, one of them reaching 150 in the Kindle ebook rankings.  But my heart was set on the traditional publishing deal, my dream of holding actual physical books in my hand still tantalisingly out of reach.

I’d had other ideas for my next novel by then, but nothing strong enough, because I believe in challenging myself and I wanted the next book I wrote to be the one… Also, I couldn’t continue to justify spending so much time writing without it generating more money.  My wedding flower business had taken a nosedive that year – the 2013 effect, I believe.  Something had to change.

Writing women’s fiction had been one thing.  It was a genre I loved to read and the writing process had felt fluent and natural.  I’d finish a first draft, then go back and edit, maybe twice and that would be it.  But a number of agents had commented that women’s fiction is a tough market to break into and when I failed to find representation with Wildflowers, I knew I had to write something different.

I’d never even attempted to write a psychological thriller, but in my head, I had the character of an obviously narcissistic, controlling man, whose story demanded to be told.  I knew I wanted to tell a dark story beautifully – by beautifully, I meant in terms of language, setting etc – and because emotional abuse is a dark subject.  I also had the idea of telling a story ‘as someone’s life flashed before their eyes’.  I started to put these elements together, and that was the starting point for The Bones of You.

This time, the writing process was entirely different.  In one word – intensive.  Each word, line, paragraph, chapter was written painstakingly.  I wrote one draft, which took me two and a half months, then without waiting, sent it out to agents.  This time, the response was immediate and I received four offers of representation.  Perhaps my earlier failures meant I’d written a better book but I think also, unlike my other books, it was the kind of story that was more likely to sell.

Why write about emotional abuse?  Simply, too many people aren’t aware of it.  It’s too hidden, to the point of being invisible, yet the psychological damage it causes can be lifelong.  Its victims are often silent – unable to recognise what’s happening. or even if they do, for complicated reasons, or especially in the case of children, are unable to leave.

I started to research these relationships, because it’s clear that the behaviour that occurs isn’t ‘normal’ in any way – it’s extreme.  In the instance of the abusive, narcissistic husband and his powerless wife, none of the ‘normal’ rules apply.

Relationships thrive when both parties have what they need.  The dance between the narcissist and his wife is no exception, but there is no grace and fluidity in their moves.  Instead, it’s the most twisted of manipulations.  In a nutshell, the narcissist is the most important person in his life, craving attention and admiration.  His partner, who admires his sense of superiority and grandiosity, supplies these, sacrificing anything to please him, because it gives her the self-worth and validation she lacks.

You might say she has a choice; that by staying she enables him to go on doing what he’s doing.  But some women are chosen because they are vulnerable, maybe because they themselves were abused as a child.  They find themselves slowly, insidiously drawn into the abuser’s lair, unaware of what’s happening to them – and maybe also, because they don’t think they’re deserving of better or because his behaviour has probably destroyed what little self-esteem they had.  It will go on, until they find the strength to walk away.  And not everyone does.

These women truly are victims, as are children, who when they grow up in a climate of abuse, know no other way.  The mind games, irrational anger, threats, degrading treatment, torture of a much loved family pet – the abuse can take many forms – all of this is normalised, inflicting damage that’s invisible, affecting the child’s own psychological and physical health, as well as their ability to form relationships in the future.  And so the cycle goes on.

It’s a huge, complex subject I cannot do justice to in a few words – there’s a wealth of information available online, but the reality is, it’s shockingly more common than many people believe.  Appearances hide a multitude of sins and the worst kind of secrets can be the best hidden.

Most abuse victims need to process their experiences, share what has happened to them.  As I wrote The Bones of You, I held in my mind that someone might read it and recognise what they themselves had suffered.  To be published would be my dream come true, but if my book could start a conversation, help someone to talk about what had happened to them, that would be an achievement of a different kind. I was moved to discover recently that it has…

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Tags: domestic violence, featured, inspiration, women writers

Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing