How I Learned to be a More Courageous Communicator

by Michelle Gladieux

I’m a fan of communication that aligns with one’s innermost values. 

I often ask my coaching clients where they’re using full-mind, full-body, and full-heart communication. As I’ve worked to overcome shyness and negative self-talk, I’ve found little things in communication make a big difference. I try to listen more patiently these days. I find my voice to ask a question, even though it seems I’m showing a weakness by not knowing the answer already.

Living up to one’s potential as a communicator makes life less complicated and more rewarding as we embrace our strengths and accept our weaker points. 

Brave communication isn’t just about superior messaging strategy, although that’s part of it. If our words are expertly chosen without positive intention, our communication leaves something to be desired. Great communication happens when we align three gifts: our intellect, emotion, and body language to work in service to speaking, writing, and listening. It feels amazing and builds self-esteem to know you’ve “left it all on the court”. Our effort changes our teams, organizations, communities, and ultimately, our world, for the better.

Courage is intangible. It’s vital that we find it for ourselves, but we can involve others. We’re smart to seek mentors for inspiration and advice. We can share our goals with friends, family, or co-workers to create accountability. Thanks to my recently-learned ability to speak aloud what I’m trying to change in my communication, I’ve found others not only support my efforts but also watch for my positive changes.

I’ve learned that it’s an advantage to see fear as friend rather than foe. Fear tells us we’ll need to summon strength to stop giving in to doubt when we’re longing to get in the game. 

Our courage muscle is strengthened when we raise our voice to defend our own or another’s reputation or interests. It requires bravery to ask forgiveness, seek or share credit, or put our cards on the table in relationships. One of my favorite ways to see courage show up happens when I hear myself or others admit bias or a mistake – something happening all too rarely in many workplaces and families.

The less-discussed other half of communication is listening, and there’s room for courage here, too. It can mean being quiet when you’ve got a remark teed-up for a laugh at someone else’s expense, or deciding not to rush in with an answer to allow a less-experienced person to unearth their own. 

Because my relationships make my world, I think about ways to strengthen them. The best relationships require mutual risk-taking, but expressing feelings can be scary. We’ve all had difficult goodbyes and our hearts broken. To put our best foot forward in communication is not for the weak. It irks me when communication pursuits are labeled “soft skills”. There’s nothing soft about striving for excellence in this arena. 

One great way to mitigate risk as a communicator is to ensure your directness is balanced with concern for how your message is received and vice versa. I lean toward directness, so I monitor my tone carefully (on good days). If you’re more inclined to go along to get along, you risk losing your opportunity to be heard as you stifle your own voice. Personality assessment helps my coaching clients wake up to the fact they’re overusing avoidance, accommodation, or competition as communicators. Things change for the better as they make new plans.

Public speaking has helped me find my voice. I’ve become more comfortable with how it sounds the more I use it. If you’re presenting, the majority of any audience is rooting for you. If you want to be there, we can tell. If you don’t, we feel your pain. Audience analysis lessens fear and helps you be prepared for what might transpire. Find out what skills, interests, and roles are in your audience and how much knowledge of your topic they have. When we emphasize what we have in common, receivers’ attitude toward our communication is more positive. 

I write in my book Communicate with Courage about four Hidden Challenges you can take risks to overcome. One is Rationalizing the Negative, using pessimistic mindset to shield ourselves from scary but potentially rewarding actions. We might fear failure or success. We might tell ourselves that if we try, nothing will change, “they” won’t care, it won’t work, and the list of reasons not to try goes on. It’s poisonous stuff. To overcome it, I investigate how I dedicate myself to thinking – my attitude. Wanting to feel comfortable is a roadblock to growth. The best challenges are rarely the easy options. 

As a trainer, there’s an exercise I assign that’s beneficial to those brave enough to take it on. Ask some people in your workplace and a few folks from personal life two questions:

* What’s something you like about communicating/living/working with me?

* What’s something you sometimes wish I’d do differently?

Don’t pressure people to respond. Express sincere gratitude to those who do. Say, “Thank you, I’ll think about this!” and go do exactly that. You build relationships as you get a clearer picture of what it’s like to work or live with you. Rather than settling for good enough, be energized by the belief there’s good stuff that comes from courage – it’s life-giving. Gifts waiting for you come more fully into view when you skillfully deviate from the safe route.

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Michelle is an executive coach, instructional designer, teacher, and speaker deeply committed to helping people overcome fears as communicators. She earned her M.S. in Industrial Technology with emphasis in Organizational Psychology at Purdue University and has designed and presented over one thousand original seminars. Michelle taught graduate and undergraduate business courses at three universities for 18 years in her home state of Indiana. She and her team coach in corporate, nonprofit, academic, government, and military settings. Her book Communicate with Courage, distributed worldwide by Penguin Random House, earned eleven literary awards in its first year of publication. Michelle’s nickname since 6th grade is “Glad,” and she strives daily to live up to it with a grateful heart.

Communicate with Courage: Taking Risks to Overcome the Four Hidden Challenges

“A straightforward and compassionate guide to engaging in more effective conversation.”
—Kirkus Reviews

Winner of 11 awards in its first year including: the 2023 PenCraft Best Book Award for Nonfiction, 2023 Nonprofit Authors Association Silver Award, 2023 Readers’ Favorite Bronze Medal Award for Business, the 2023 Dan Poynter’s Global Ebook Awards Gold Award for Communications, and the 2023 PenCraft Award for Literary Excellence.

Clear communication requires the courage to confront the psychological blocks that hold you back. Learn how to become a more fearless and peerless communicator.

Raising your game as a communicator is one of the best ways to make a difference in the world, but it takes courage to open up to others and invite others to open up to you. As a lifelong communication coach, Michelle Gladieux has discovered four sneaky obstacles that can keep you from becoming the best communicator you can be:

• Hiding—Fear of exposing your supposed weaknesses
• Defining—Putting too much stock into assumptions and being quick to judge
• Rationalizing—Using “being realistic” to shield yourself from taking chances, engaging in conflict, or doing other scary but potentially rewarding actions
• Settling—Stopping at “good enough” instead of aiming for something better in your interactions

These challenges all have something in common. They require taking risks—to reveal yourself, question your beliefs, take a leap of faith, or move out of your comfort zone. Each chapter includes a real-world practice called a Pro Move and an exercise, both carefully crafted to help you overcome hang-ups and take more joy in communicating.

Courageous communication requires self-knowledge, practice, and a desire to grow. It is a full-body, full-mind, and full-heart effort. This book is like having a caring, expert coach along with you for the journey.

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Category: How To and Tips