Interview with Rachel Michelberg and Gabi Coatsworth

Authors Rachel Michelberg and Gabi Coatsworth have both written memoirs that explore marriage, caregiving, love, and loss. We interviewed them to find out more about their writing process, and how they feel about it now that their books are published.

How long after the events in the book did you start writing about it? And how long did it take you to finish the final draft? 

RM: I started writing about three years after the event (a plane crash causing my husband’s traumatic brain injury) that inspired Crash. I had to learn the craft of writing as well, since I’d not had any official training since high school. It took eleven – yes eleven! – years from first scribblings to finished draft. As soon as that draft was complete, I started querying for agents and looking at other publishing options.

GC: For me, I began writing a few months after my husband died, because I wanted to be sure I didn’t forget anything. But from beginning to publication, it took six years, because I had a lot of doubts about whether people would be interested in my story. It turns out that they were.

Were the titles you chose the first titles you came up with?

GC: I went through about five different titles before landing on Love’s Journey Home, which just felt right. They included Happy Ending, A Handprint on my Heart, and Eve’ry Time we Say Goodbye. The last two were song titles, but they didn’t say what I wanted them to say. I even asked for title suggestions on Facebook and got about fifty, but none of those worked either. I could tell they weren’t right because when I ran them past friends, they just looked at me and said, “What does that mean?” But Love’s Journey Home seemed to strike a chord.

RM: No, not at all. I had many other titles in mind, including Unrehearsed (referring to my background in theater) and Flying Home. My original favorite was Life is Good in Willow Glen which was on my husband’s license plate holder – an ironic reference to the fact that life was NOT good in our neighborhood of Willow Glen in San Jose, CA. His traumatic brain injury had rendered him severely disabled both physically and cognitively. He’d never again work, be able to parent his children, or be an independently functioning adult.

My writing teacher suggested Crash – which of course refers to David’s plane crash, the instigating incident, and my own emotional crash. My publisher and I came up with the subtitle together; we wanted to include the caregiving dilemma storyline. So many are faced with that challenge and feel burdened and resentful – but are ashamed and guilty to admit those feelings. I wanted to give them a voice—to reassure them that they aren’t alone in that resentment.

Did you begin writing your memoir starting at the beginning of the story?

RM: I wrote the most pivotal scene in the book first, because it was the most vivid. I made a list of all the events I wanted to include and tackled each scene randomly, using flashbacks to fill in character motivation and clarify the storytelling. Creating smooth transitions to keep the scenes connected was my biggest challenge.

GC: I, too, started writing my memoir by writing the most vivid scenes first. I dated each scene, which was fortunate because I was losing track of what happened when. Eventually, I was able to add the background and rearrange everything to make it more chronological, and easier to read. 

Which feelings did you find it hardest to write about?

GC: Well, I’m British, so when writing this, my stiff upper lip was well to the fore. But it began to hold me back, and at one point I was ready to give up, because my feelings threatened to overwhelm me. My critique partners told me to keep writing as though no one was ever going to read it, which turned out to be excellent advice.

RM: Crash has been called vulnerable, raw, honest, and direct. I’ve never struggled with showing emotion (quite the opposite) so that part wasn’t hard. However, I’d say the blunt admission that perhaps my husband might have been better off not surviving the crash was gut-wrenching. My readers have told me they’ve had the same thought after a medical crisis or severe illness but couldn’t voice it.

Did you have, or do you have, regrets about what happened, or about publishing the book?

RM: I have many regrets. I wish I’d been able to heroically care for him. I wish I’d been a better parent. I wish I hadn’t made desperate choices involving other men, both before and after the crash. But I don’t regret publishing the book. It’s an important message to communicate – that caregiving is hard, and it’s not for everyone. That it’s vital to consider all your options, to take care of yourself as well as your loved one, in the best way you know how. That it’s necessary to put your own oxygen mask on first – otherwise everyone suffers.

GC: I can understand these mixed feelings. I was lucky in that in writing the book I was able to answer the question I’d started with – was our love real, or had I been kidding myself throughout my forty-year relationship with my husband? Although there are parts of the book that make people cry, the message I’m getting from readers is that they find it relatable, and I’m very happy about that, because my message, if I have one, is that we can survive anything.

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 – Gabi Coatsworth

Gabi Coatsworth was born in Britain, but has spent most of her life trying to figure out how America works by living here. So, if you find a British flavor in her books, don’t be surprised. She’s an award-winning writer, who’s had short stories and essays published in journals and anthologies, and her memoir, Love’s Journey Home, was published in May 2022 by Atmosphere Press. She is active in the Connecticut writing community and runs several groups for writers.

If she’s not writing or traveling, she’ll be in her flower garden, wondering whether to weed, or relaxing with a book. Find out more about her here.

– Rachel Michelberg

Rachel Michelberg grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area and still enjoys living there with her husband, Richard, and their two dogs, Nala and Beenie. She earned her Bachelor of Music degree in vocal performance from San Jose State University, and has performed leading roles in musicals and opera from Carmen to My Fair Lady, as well as the part of the Mother Abbess (three times!) in The Sound of Music. When Rachel isn’t working with one of her twenty voice and piano students, she loves gardening, hiking, and baking sourdough bread. CRASH: How I Became a Reluctant Caregiver, is her first book.

https://rachelmichelbergauthor.com

 

CRASH: How I Became a Reluctant Caregiver

“. . . an engaging exploration of duty, guilt, and self-preservation. . . . A cleareyed consideration of difficult ethical and familial choices.”
―KIRKUS REVIEWS

Rachel likes to think of herself as a nice Jewish girl, dedicated to doing what’s honorable, just as her parents raised her to do. But when her husband, David, survives a plane crash and is left with severe brain damage, she faces a choice: will she dedicate her life to caring for a man she no longer loves, or walk away?

Their marriage had been rocky at the time of the accident, and though she wants to do the right thing, Rachel doesn’t know how she is supposed to care for two kids in addition to a now irrational, incontinent, and seizure-prone grown man. And how will she manage to see her lover? But then again, what kind of selfish monster would refuse to care for her disabled husband, no matter how unhappy her marriage had been? Rachel wants to believe that she can dedicate her life to David’s needs, but knows in her heart it is impossible.

Crash tackles a pervasive dilemma in our culture: the moral conflicts individuals face when caregiving for a disabled or cognitively impaired family member.

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LOVE’S JOURNEY HOME

Their relationship seemed destined for heartache. A terminal diagnosis would teach them the true meaning of love.

Gabi Coatsworth never meant to fall for the handsome American. And after walking away because he was married, the British single mother thought she’d go forever without seeing him again. But her move to Chicago five years later for a career opportunity led to their reunion, a rekindled romance, and a wedding.

Forging a thirty-year life together through ups and downs, Gabi finally gave up when her husband’s alcoholism became more than she could bear. But not long after, he received a devastating medical diagnosis. Knowing she would regret it if she stayed away, she returned home to care for him.

And unexpectedly learned it’s never too late for a second chance…

In this compelling memoir, Gabi Coatsworth refuses to shy away from the painful realities and uplifting triumphs of long-term relationships. Her incredible account of love lost and found again while facing down her husband’s approaching death comes to life on the page with humor and endearing honesty. A romance for the ages, anyone experiencing grief will find hope in this story of redemption.

Love’s Journey Home is a touching tale of saying goodbye. If you like relatable characters, genuine portrayals, and laughter among the tears, you’ll adore Gabi Coatsworth’s moving account.

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Praise for Love’s Journey Home:

“As a storyteller, Coatsworth presents her main characters, herself and Jay, with the clarity and insight to create deep compassion for their relationship … Many readers will connect with Coatsworth’s story of building a family and navigating single motherhood, remarriage, divorce, and the unthinkable. She shares her story with candor, wisdom, and heart, and lays bare her feelings about facing those challenges with rare vulnerability. Takeaway: A beautifully told true-life love story, facing addiction and death with candor and wisdom.” – BookLife Reviews

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: Interviews, On Writing