Jill Amy Sager: On Writing
According to my cousin Deena, I’ve lived my life unencumbered by traditional expectations. When she mentioned this about thirty years ago, I didn’t relate to her observation, although looking back, this lack of self-awareness is hard to believe.
I know that being born with a physical disability has had something to do with my ability to ignore social conventions. From age nine to twelve, walking with a leg brace and crutches meant that strangers felt emboldened to ask, “What’s wrong with you?” whenever the mood struck, or they looked at me with pitying eyes, or told their children not to stare while pulling their sons or daughters away from me.
I felt like an outsider due to being underestimated by society and marginalized by peers. Shame followed me as a child, but as I grew, I took on an “I’ll-show-them” attitude that turned me into an angry rebel. Liberated from mainstream rules, I began to chart my own course. As a woman, going against others’ expectations instilled me with courage.
Being courageous led me to take risks where other people might play it safe. I never had a 401(k). I never had children, and I went from job to job without worrying about the financial consequences.
At forty, I quit a lucrative job and built a business. What happened over the next ten years would lead to a writing career, although I didn’t know this at the time.
I’d been playing the folkloric rhythms of Cuba on conga drums for years by the time I opened Hands on Rhythm and Drum School, which my friends viewed as a risky endeavor. But rather than playing the traditional rhythms I knew; my plan was to teach non-musicians how to play at drum circles.
Drum circles are gatherings where people without formal training partake in a successful rhythm-making experience because someone with a musical background is a conductor. Swaddled by a uniform pulse, the heady euphoria forms a bond of sisterly and brotherly love.
The method works, yet I witnessed many people with drums tucked under their arms standing on the sidelines. What I discovered was that they felt too intimidated to join. I was convinced that if I taught people some music-making basics, their confidence would increase, and next time, they wouldn’t hesitate to take part.
At that time, teaching people how to play at drum circles went against the no-music-training approach that was prevalent. When I told other drum circle facilitators my plan to write a curriculum, they scoffed. I ignored them. Eight years later, my instructional book and accompanying DVD, Beginning Hand Drumming: A Guide to Recreation and Wellness, was in stores nationwide due to Carl Fischer Music, one of the largest music publishers in the industry.
The process of writing that first draft was easy. I’d been teaching for years, so the information flew out of my brain onto paper with little effort. The editing however, felt punishing. Any time my editor told me I had to rewrite a sentence, or add a paragraph, or explain what I’d written in more detail, I cursed her under my breath until I finally cursed her out loud. But all those revisions made my writing better. That revelation changed my course. I put my drums away to take up the pen.
I might have written a book, but I knew very little about the craft. I enrolled in short story writing classes. I went to lectures on scene and character development. I worked with a consultant who taught story arc, and I found books on writing that helped me build skill. No one was more surprised than me to find this new passion.
Another surprise came when I discovered that music-making and writing had one enemy in common: the self-sabotaging inner voice of doubt.
When I was playing with a band, there were moments during a performance when I knew I had blown it on stage. What I noticed was that if I stayed too long in my thoughts admonishing myself for screwing up, I lost focus. Time stood still while I wondered if the audience heard my mistake. I fell behind the beat if I worried about my band leader’s reaction after the show. My lack of confidence created a paralysis that stalled progress.
During that period, I realized that the inherent gift of playing an instrument had less to do with what I learned as a musician and more to do with the self-reflective insights I faced along the way. The insecurities that popped up, my self-deprecating attitude, and the comparisons to other musicians all put a spotlight on how low my self-esteem could go. This same revelation is true about writing.
While my hands type away as I tell myself my story sucks, or I wonder obsessively whether anybody will read it, or I question my abilities, then my confidence takes a nosedive. The paralysis sneaks in, and the flow of inspiration stops.
What I understand now is that there will always be days when I don’t know what I’m doing. Lacking confidence happens and is probably true for all creative people. We write, paint, draw, play our instruments, and dance with egos that keep us going while our self-doubt waits in the shadows.
Unfortunately, this awareness doesn’t stop me from feeling like a fraud. But acknowledging why I’m meeting a friend for coffee instead of writing eventually has me remembering that little girl who was brave enough to face the world when the world felt like a hostile place. And if she can do that, I can certainly find the courage to conquer those disruptive voices in my head and get back to my studio to face the page.
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Guidance from the Universe: Hopeful Messages for Everyday Challenges
For fans of Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements and Thich Nhat Hanh’s The Art of Living comes a stunning self-help memoir about how Jill Amy Sager achieved enlightenment and self-acceptance through Tarot reading.
Each eye-opening chapter in this self-help memoir highlights Tarot reader Jill Amy Sager’s self-discovery after unexpectedly channeling wisdom from the Universe. What she learned ignited profound change: she went from having grown up physically disabled and believing she is unlovable to feeling confident and content in her own skin.
We all want to feel good about ourselves. Yet we can struggle far longer than we need to, unable to remove blocks getting in the way. We often feel stuck and forget to give ourselves the grace, acceptance, and compassion we so readily give to others. Here, Sager shares thirty insightful messages from a sage source she calls “Guidance” alongside illuminating personal stories that showcase how these teachings have improved her life. There are also thought-provoking questions to encourage your spiritual journey.
This book is a wake-up call—a nourishing reminder that each of us matters, and therefore treating ourselves with kindness, love, and respect is essential. Guidance shows us how to relax into our natural state of being, feeling more at ease in our vast and beautiful hearts, and Sager’s stories illustrate just how attainable this state of being is. Ultimately, we discover that this enlightened life-changing shift is key to the happiness we seek and the welcomed harmony the world needs.
Jill Amy Sager is a celebrated channeler, Tarot reader, and public speaker with an international clientele. She is the author of Guidance from the Universe: Hopeful Messages for Everyday Challenges, available wherever books are sold.
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