Margaret Chideme: On Writing First 30

Zambabwean poet, Margaret Chideme tells WWWB about her powerful collection of poems First 30. Her work explores taboo topics – particularly in the African culture – about sexuality, womanhood and ambition. 

I have always been a closet writer. I have kept poetry closest to my chest in times when I needed to release something. To release pain, to express overflowing gratitude, to release frustration, to express concerns that I could not solve in that moment. So, for the past 20 or more years, I’d go through different life experiences and in overwhelming moments, I would regurgitate all my emotions on paper using a pen as a mouth piece. I would either throw away the piece in the bin or send it to my best friend Tafadzwa or the intended recipient for the poem. Only a handful of people got to see them then.

I never saw the worth in keeping them because for me the journey of writing it was more valuable than the final piece. It was a cleansing for me. About 15 or so years ago, a friend of mine called Micheal bought me a notebook to write my poetry in and that is when I started to actually keep some of them. So, for the next few years after that, I either wrote them in this notebook or sent them off to my best friend who archived them for me as if knowing id need to put them in a book one day. 

In other forms of writing, I find myself censoring my expression. Even as I journal sometimes, I cannot expose my entire truth because I fear someone else would read it and not approve. Or maybe it is a fear to face the names and truths that haunt me. I grew up stifling my emotions and thoughts. I felt the need to people please. My mother would say I was difficult to read because I guess she saw the masks behind a lot of my expression.

So, with poetry, I found solace in expressing my truest emotions without fear. I could write my truth in riddles and word play without being too revealing. I could touch on taboo topics without being offensive. I was allowed to play on my shadows, to speak without censorship and it would be seen as art and beautiful. I could hide behind the mask of creativity to release my demons and my shame. I could also celebrate and be obnoxiously untamed. I could be me and be expressive, revealed and yet also hidden in plain sight. It matched what I felt most comfortable to be.

After a series of traumatic events in my life, I felt a strong desire to archive my experiences in a book. It haunted me. Lucky for me, I had a friend who had kept some of those poems for me. The oldest poems in the book like Life’s filled Fury, 60 Seconds, You, Lisa and I, Silenced Truth, Own World and Heart and Mind are over 15 years old. This was after my first difficult heartbreak. They document my internal struggles and thoughts as I went through the heartbreak. They reveal certain questions I had about my life at that time as far as self-awareness was concerned. Then the next set of poems came again after my divorce. These touched on self-accountability, self-awareness and identity as I faced these changes in my life. I also became aware of how society impacted my experience and the pressures and frustrations I faced being a divorcee in a traditional patriarchal society. Not only was I facing identity issues but also societal issues.

The poems also reflect what I saw women in my society facing, as well as certain injustices. They trace that journey of frustration, the pain, the lust, the acceptance and the carving out of the woman I wanted to be. They searched for who I was in all of what I was facing, what I was responsible for, and the poems revealed who I wanted to be. The poems also acknowledge my tribe who saw me through the different phases and in hindsight the poems bring my life full circle in appreciating “the beauty in the chaos” as one lady called Sihlobo described them to reveal.

So, the inspiration behind First 30 was the need to express myself in the most authentic way through the different phases in my life. First 30 was born out of a need to find my identity and my place in the world. I desired to be seen and understood as much as I desired to see myself and understand myself. I recognized the many faces that go through the same journey as me and I felt the need to also connect with these faces through my experiences and words. The point of the message behind First 30 is not in the actual experiences but in the unfolding of myself during those experiences.

As I unfolded, I felt inspired to write. As I walked through the path, I felt inspired to write. As I searched for myself, I felt inspired to write. As I found pieces of myself, I felt inspired to write. In writing I found expression and I found a voice and when that voice was loud it desired to be heard. We all walk through different phases in life and no matter what we are facing, all we want to know is, do you see me? Do you hear me? And these questions are both to the self and to the rest of the world.

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First Thirty is a raw, sensual and uncensored collection of poetry about love and lust, pain and abuse, womanhood, divorce, searching and rediscovery. It is a peek into the beautiful recital of a woman persona’s internal dialogue and memories about the joys and struggles through the different phases in her life.

The anthology splits these phases in 5, namely Her Pain, Her Lust, Her Wander, Her Truth and Her Strengths. It is also a book about freedom from judgment from our untold truths and shame. It brings to light a lot of issues that are blanketed in any patriarchal society especially the African society.

The book showcases stunning illustrations to compliment the poetry. If you love thought provoking illustrations and poetry, you will love this book!

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Margaret Chideme is a single mom, business woman, an author and a blogger. She has a blog called Maggie’s Diary where she pours out her thoughts and memories about her life. She has worked with different organizations to bring awareness to human rights and the plight of the girl child. The embassy of Palestine awarded her a certificate of achievement for winning the International Solidarity Writing Competition- Zimbabwean Chapter and her poem The Holy Land features in their anthology “A cry for hope and freedom – Solidarity with Palestinian women”.  Her poem Silent Cries is also featured in an anthology called Mwala: Poems by Women Human Rights Defenders. She is also the founder of Lifeline Publishing House that is dedicated to helping self publishers in Zimbabwe to create high quality
books, market and distribute internationally and to also enrich lives through the power of literature. SoundCloud : Margaret Chideme-AuthorFacebook :Margaret Chideme The AuthorAmazon Author Central : Margaret Chideme Twitter : Margaret ChidemeInstagram: Margaret Chideme The Author Blog: maggiesdiary.com

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing