On Writing Beyond Blood
When five-year-old Ben’s family decided to become a registered foster home, they anticipated a challenging yet fulfilling journey. What they didn’t expect was the criticism that followed, with many asserting that the Snyder children would face significant risks. The experience, however, proved these assumptions couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Beyond Blood (Ballast Books; releasing November 19th, 2024), penned by mother-son duo Michelle and Ben Snyder Jr., is a raw portrayal of the family’s journey.
Writing Beyond Blood was a challenge we were eager to take on. We decided to write Beyond Blood because our story, told through the eyes of Ben, was one we thought needed to be shared. Born on a road trip, I asked Ben a question that had been circling in my mind for many years: Did growing up in a home with foster children affect him in ways that may hurt him long term?
His response hit me to my core. He shared the idea that instead of hurting him, it helped him expand his worldview, gain empathy, and learn to put others first. He described to me the deep impact of looking into the eyes of children who had lost everything—children who came through our home often with nothing but pain and fear—and struggling to be a brother to them. His eye-opening words drew me to the realization that what he said could be of great importance to other families. Specifically, families who may be thinking about taking on impactful missions but are afraid of how it will affect their children could find comfort in the bigger picture he presents.
In writing this book, we were giving a voice to a part of the foster care experience that is often not heard: what it’s like to be a biological child in a foster family. Initially, we had hoped to convey that, though daunting and risky when it comes to your children, unexpected gifts and lessons will also emerge from the fostering experience. For Ben, it was learning to share his home, his parents, and his heart with children who had endured so much in their young lives. That transition was significant for us to share, and we hoped the core message would inspire other families to be open to stepping into hardship and enduring suffering for the greater good.
When we started to put pen to paper, we didn’t know what to expect from co-writing a book. We began by sitting down and talking through memories to try to piece together what we each remembered about the different children coming through our home. These moments in time had shaped both of us, and hearing from each other just how much we changed because of them was reaffirming. We also remembered some similar events differently, since he saw it from a child’s eyes, and I saw it through a parent’s eyes.
Completing the manuscript for this book was one way Ben was able to express thoughts he had not written out, or in some cases, externalized at all before. Often, he would verbalize his feelings and memories as I typed them out, capturing the words in real-time. Other times, if the mood struck late at night and I was too tired to keep up, Ben would use the speech-to-text on his phone and send me his thoughts the following day. I would then type out what he had shared into our manuscript, and we’d rework it as needed. In many ways, it felt like a continuation of the conversations we had been having for years about family, love, and the importance of putting others before ourselves.
Writing together was challenging because it was an emotional process. At times, tears came with the harrowing memories of some of the harder moments in our journey through foster care; at other moments, we laughed about things that can sometimes feel so long ago and far away. There was something bonding about the process of us sitting with these stories and working through them, not just as mother and son, but as co-creators of something meaningful.
One of the rewarding parts about writing Beyond Blood was really allowing ourselves to look at how much we had grown from the fostering experience. Ben’s childhood has been especially unusual, no doubt – years spent sharing his home with children arriving at any hour, often without even shoes or any extra clothes, only for them to leave without warning, just as they had arrived. The stories of these children, the raw look at their reality and their silent strength, shook Ben out of himself. He had learned to let go of what he thought were important material things like toys or the freedom to do whatever he wanted and came to appreciate the everyday blessings of life, like a family dinner or a safe place to sleep. It gave him a reality check, a sense of gratefulness, and a path to understand better and appreciate family, love, and sacrifice.
Ultimately, writing this book gave other families a window into our experience. It showed them through our story that you don’t have to be extraordinary to make a difference. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to wonder how fostering will impact your family. But we wanted to clarify one thing through our story: there’s so much to gain from stepping outside your comfort zone and sacrificing for others. In writing this book together, we had the opportunity to reflect on all of those lessons and create something that will hopefully inspire others to take that leap of faith. How wonderful it would be if one day foster families are out of a job and all children have a permanent home. Until then, we will continue to try to stir others to join this mission. Maybe reading “Beyond Blood” is the next step for some.
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Michelle Snyder owns a private counseling practice in Winter Garden, Florida, where she provides mental health support to a variety of populations. She has been a licensed clinical social worker since 2009 after earning a Master of Science in Social Work from the University of Texas at Arlington in 2006. Michelle lives with her husband of sixteen years and has a mix of biological, adoptive, and occasionally foster children they have the privilege of doing life with. You can find Michelle reading and traveling during her free time.
Ben Snyder is fourteen years old and working toward earning an associate degree at Lake-Sumter State College. In addition to being a foster care/adoption advocate, he likes to play chess, hunt, and read in his free time. Ben plans to pursue additional degrees in business and travel more in the future.
When five-year-old Ben’s family decided to become a registered foster home, they knew it would be a tough but rewarding road ahead of them. What they may not have fully anticipated was the judgment coming at them from so many directions. Ben and his younger sister and parents were the picture of a biological nuclear family. Many in their circle insisted that bringing foster children into Ben and Annabelle’s lives would significantly harm their childhood. But these assumptions, which followed the family throughout their journey, couldn’t have been further from the truth.
In Beyond Blood, written by mother-son duo Michelle and Ben Snyder, Jr., you will get an inside look at what it really means for a family to open their home and their hearts to children who are facing unthinkable hardships. The descriptive and engaging narrative, penned from the perspective of young Ben as he grew up in that household, explores the broad range of emotions and experiences that come along with becoming a foster family. It’s true—the Snyders made many sacrifices by taking in kids who faced profound difficulties physically, emotionally, and mentally as a result of their life experiences. But those challenges were unmatched by the boundless growth and love the family gained by stepping into the unknown.
Crafting a soul-stirring mosaic of darkness and light, crushing pain and unrelenting hope, Beyond Blood captures all the pieces—from the jagged and ugly to the soft and pretty—that make up humanity. Ultimately, it’s a life-giving, restorative, healing book that will prompt you to consider making a radical change to put others first. You may think you’re average, but you are capable of extraordinary things if you open your heart to those in need. And that’s what Beyond Blood is all about.
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Category: On Writing
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