Publishing A Book About Groupsex…During A Pandemic

Writing my second non-fiction book was easier in some ways than writing my first. I had a better sense of how long the work would take me, and how to balance research and writing time. What no one could have planned for is that about half the work on this book would take place during a global pandemic! Like everyone, I was thrown into a world of anxiety and all the brain fog that comes with it. So while this book was off to a smoother start than my first, there were some rocky weeks in there too. 

Once the work of writing was done, it became clear how surreal it would be to promote and release a book about multi-person sex while many of us are still on lockdown. Luckily, challenges are also opportunities.

While I’ve been teaching online, it’s become clear that current circumstances aren’t slowing down people’s fantasy lives, and group sex is still a popular desire. In some ways, this break socializing could even be a good thing. Too often people rush into trying new things, only to make mistakes and get hurt. With this forced pause upon us, my hope is that people will have time to do some deep thinking and research, as well as time to have lengthy conversations and negotiations with potential partners, before launching into making these fantasies a reality. And I hope my book is able to help with that. 

Want a taste? Here’s the introduction to my new book: 

In my years working as an intimacy educator and sex coach, one of the most common topics clients and students bring up is threesomes. Due to this popularity, I developed a whole class about threesomes and group sex, and I’ve written numerous articles on the topic. Still, I continue to hear the questions. That’s why I knew it was time for an Ultimate Guide to answer all these questions and guide the curious.

Information about sex and sexuality is easier to find now than ever, but unfortunately that’s a mixed blessing. Like with any topic, not all the information available is good information, and some of it is downright toxic. For threesomes in particular, many articles—and even whole books—are cringeworthy. The problem I’m seeing in a lot of the writing about threesomes is that the couple with the fantasy is being centered while the potential third is a quarry to be hunted.

From gamification to objectification, a potential sexual partner is being seen as a means to an end, not as a person with their own needs and interests. There’s also terrible advice about how to “talk your partner into” a threesome, and more framing that puts one person’s desires above the needs of others.

A threesome can be anything from a hot sexual adventure between three people who just met to a loving expression of intimacy between people who have a triad relationship. But what’s essential is that everyone involved is having their needs and desires heard, and everyone feels like they have an equal say in what will and won’t happen.

With a bit of know-how and some communication skills, your sexual fantasies can become a reality. But reality is always a bit messier than fantasy, and there are logistics to plan for and feelings to consider.

This book will walk you through everything you need to know to figure out if threesomes are right for you, and if so, how to plan and negotiate the threesome of your dreams. You’ll learn about considerations for safety and common pitfalls to watch out for. It will also offer plenty of ways for established players to up their communication game and get even more out of each encounter.

Where does all this threesome knowledge come from? This book is based on extensive reading and research, about threesomes in particular and sex and relationships in general. It is also informed by the hundreds (thousands?) of clients and students I’ve worked with. I’ve heard their fears, guided their negotiations, and been privy to the outcome of their encounters. Each of those common fears will be addressed in these pages, as well as many possible happy outcomes.

I’ve also engaged in countless threesomes and group play scenarios of my own. Many of them were lovely, and some left room for improvement. I’ve learned from my experiences and my missteps, and that knowledge is collected here.

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AN ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THREESOMES

“This book is long overdue. Threesome how-tos are some of the top requests we get from our listeners, and Stella Harris’ new book goes above and beyond the ever-juicy topic of threesomes by creating a playful yet informative guide for non-monogamy” – Amy Baldwin, Co-Host of the Shameless Sex Podcast
“Smart and educational, but also fun and sexy, The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes provides all the needed information for those looking to expand sexually. Many books about sexual exploration fail to provide good information and also don’t understand the art and skill of sex. Focusing on how to meet, negotiation, and even pitfalls and aftercare, this book is a must.” -Dr Chris Donaghue, PhD, LCSW, CST: host of Loveline and author of Rebel Love

An inclusive study conducted by Justin Lehmiller found that 97% of surveyed Americans reported having sexual fantasies, and of them, more than a third of respondents described “group sex” as their favorite fantasy.

From sexuality and relationships expert Stella Harris comes her second contribution to Cleis Press, The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes! Harris is an expert in sexual education, offering professional consultations, coaching, and public speaking on a variety of sex education topics. Throughout her years of experience, Harris has found that the most frequently asked questions revolve around one common topic: threesomes.

Studies conducted by The Kinsey Institute researcher Justin Lehmiller have proven that the number one fantasy among Americans is to engage in a threesome/multi-partner play. But the reality of issues like logistics, jealousy, and online dating can keep many people from engaging in their desires. It is common that communication in the bedroom is stifled due to embarrassment or lack of confidence. So, how do you tell your partner what you want? How do you initiate the conversation? Harris is here to break it all down, step-by-step. Using her expertise, personal experience, and educational tactics, Harris is ready to teach you how to break down those barriers, vocalize what you want in the bedroom, and welcome others into it as well!

BUY HERE

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Stella Harris is changing the way people experience their sex lives. As a certified intimacy educator and sex coach, she gives her students the tools and confidence to explore their sexuality safely and free of shame. THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THREESOMES (Mar. 9, 2020, CLEiS Press) discusses some of the most frequently asked questions she’s experienced in her work around one common topic: threesomes.

A national and international speaker, Harris teaches everything from pleasure anatomy, to communication skills, to kink and BDSM. Harris writes a weekly sex advice column for Portland’s Willamette Week newspaper and her erotic fiction has appeared in more than a dozen anthologies.

Find out more about Stella https://stellaharris.net/about/

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Category: Contemporary Women Writers, How To and Tips