SHE WHO WINS: Excerpt 

“Renee has you on a roller coaster of emotions from happiness to heartache and everything in between. She will call you out on your sh*t (in the most thoughtful way!) because she believes we can achieve excellence. It’s time we break the rules, trust ourselves, and follow Renee’s lead. Bold. Strong. Fierce.”

Jennifer Hurvitz, Dating Expert, Best Selling Author, and Host of Doing Relationships Right Podcast

We are delighted to feature this excerpt from Renee Bauer’s book SHE WHO WINS!

SHE WHO WINS

If there was ever an opportunity to shake things up, it’s now. Through the pages of SHE WHO WINS, Renee Bauer breaks down some uncomfortable truths about the things holding us back from truly winning in life. Because if we can survive a pandemic, homeschooling, loss of income, and even a toilet paper shortage don’t we deserve to win?

Using her over two decades as an award-winning divorce attorney and entrepreneur, Renee Bauer uses a tough love approach coupled with her own vulnerable stories of divorce, failure, and ultimately, reinvention, to embolden, empower, and inspire women to choose the path most uncomfortable. This self-empowerment and motivational book is equal parts mindset and strategy, that can catapult women’s lives from flatlined to fabulous by leaning into doing the hard thing.

EXCERPT 

SHE WHO MOVES FORWARD FIERCELY, IS SHE WHO WINS

I’m a recovering “good girl.”

I’ve always colored in the lines, followed the rules, held my strong opinions, and smiled every step of the way. I’ve never been suspended or arrested. I’ve never even failed a class. I did all the right things that were expected of any “good girl.” Up until my early thirties, my idea of being a rebel was sneaking candy into the movie theater in my oversized bag, breaking dress code in high school, or driving my car until my tank was empty. I hardly think these things would raise me to troublemaker or dissident status.

So, the early half of my life was well planned and executed according to my color-tabbed binder. I skipped down the good girl path set out for me. And all was good… that is, until it wasn’t.

College. Check.

Law school. Check.

Marriage three months later. Check.

Law firm job. Check.

White colonial in the suburbs with a child on the way. Check. Check. Check.

Fired. 

Wait. What went wrong? Good girls don’t get fired; the spunky ones do. Should I have just put my head down and zipped my lips to preserve my security and sanity? But at what cost?

Divorced. 

Hold on. How did that happen? How did I end up divorced with a two-year-old? What was wrong with me for not just being happy with all that I had?

Messy entrepreneurship. 

Oh no. Being a business owner was supposed to be about getting my time back and having financial freedom, so how was I working more than I ever had before? And how did I still have an empty bank account?

Divorced again. 

Now just hold up because this can’t be my life. The online dating app said we were a 94 percent match. It should have told me the 6 percent that was misaligned would lead to next level glitches.

Where did I go wrong? It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I didn’t have a tab in my binder for “turn your life upside down and dump its contents all over the floor.” But somewhere along the way, I fell off the train destined for suburban bliss. I was out of touch with who I was at my core, and I was lost and alone. I was empty and unfulfilled. I was disconnected, and I knew that if something didn’t change, I would wake up in twenty years wondering what happened to me. I needed to shift, but I had no idea how. I thought I could hustle and grind my way out of my funk, but all that did was quick fix my feelings. And a bandage is never the solution for a gouge in the soul. That inferno of not knowing who I was, where I was going, or what I wanted, was the darkest time in my life.

In the moment, I thought divorce was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Now, I know it happened for me. In fact, everything I ran up against played tug-of-war with my good-girl ways. It’s impossible to set up a successful business without ruffling some feathers, being a boss, and making hard decisions. It’s equally impossible to have a healthy relationship when you are compromising who you are because you think that is what the other person wants. When you shrink your light to make your partner more comfortable, eventually your sparkle dulls.

Yet, as the years ticked by, I realized something. The only way to live an aligned life was to drop the good-girl act and trade her in for something more authentic, something more unruly. And if I was being honest with myself, every time I had an uncomfortable conversation, made a radical decision, or stopped paying attention to other people’s opinions, I friggin’ loved it.

The more I flexed my bravery muscle, the stronger it became. The stronger it became, the more I chased my bold dreams to speak on stages, build a multimillion-dollar business, invest in other female-owned start-ups, and be able to say no when something didn’t feel right. And the more I chased my bold dreams, the more free, fulfilled, and fierce, I became. I kept moving the needle every time I stopped making choices from a place of pleasing and started living from a place of truth.

Today, it’s easy for me to make decisions. I trust myself. I know within seconds if something feels like a hell yes or a hell no. I don’t second-guess my instincts. The woman I am at my core knows better than anyone what is right for me because she makes my stomach churn and heave if something is off, and she delights me with excited anticipation when something is in harmony. She constantly reminds me that I am fierce and capable because I let her warrior voice vibrate through me while I silence the critic and pessimist that tries to disrupt my growth. I don’t think about other people’s judgments or opinions because they don’t offer any value. I surround myself with those who motivate me because inspiration comes from genuine connections and from being around people who are following their own unique purpose. Equally as important, I give my time sparingly to those who vibrate at a low energy because that can be contagious, too.

Being a “good girl” got me good grades, honor society, a good-enough marriage, and a steady life. Being a good girl also would have kept me stuck at the status quo had I lingered there too long. And that was a life sentence I refused to accept. I wanted more. I know you want more, too.

This book is for every woman who was told to smile, to quiet down, and to shrink themselves into the smallest version of themselves. It’s for every woman who is struggling to make a life-altering decision or is wondering, “what’s next?” It’s for every woman who thinks this is as good as it gets. It’s for every woman who has felt like there has to be more. It’s for every woman who feels like she doesn’t have a reason to complain or who feels selfish for even questioning her happiness.

Consider this book your permission to get loud in your beliefs, passionate about your convictions, and to sashay confidently into your life on your terms. It’s never too late for anything. There isn’t an expiration date on ideas. You can find love, write a book, start a business, travel the world, or do whatever you dare to dream at any age. So, let’s get something straight, right now.

You don’t need to be the good girl anymore.

You don’t need to follow the path someone else laid.

You don’t need to fit into a mold.

You don’t need to make anyone else happy.

You don’t need to show less emotion.

You don’t need to be humble.

You don’t need to pretend to be someone else.

There is a fierce woman inside you fighting to get out.

She is daring.

She is heroic.

She is opinionated.

She takes up space.

She is uncompromising in her dreams.

She is YOU.

It’s time to get reacquainted with – 

SHE WHO WINS.

—

This is an excerpt from SHE WHO WINS: Ditch Your Inner Good Girl, Overcome Uncertainty, and WIN at Your Life. You can get free bonuses with your pre-order at https://shewhowinsbook.com/.

Renée Bauer is an attorney, international speaker, accomplished entrepreneur, and personal hype squad for countless women. As the founder of She Who Wins, a business dedicated to helping women crush conventions and live a bold daring life, she hosts live events, Masterminds, and a weekly podcast.

Renée has been featured in global media outlets such as the International Business Times, The Washington Newsday, AP News, and iHeart Radio. Being a consummate dreamer and doer, Renée built her law practice, Happy Even After Family Law, into one of the most recognized and reputable law firms in the state of Connecticut. She earned both Litigator of the Year and Women-Owned Business of the Year awards while also being a changemaker for charitable organizations and a mentor for college women.

Follow her on Twitter https://twitter.com/msreneebauer

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/msreneebauer

Insta https://www.instagram.com/msreneebauer/

 

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing