The Good Widow: Excerpt

What do we do when life ends? How do we honor the past while moving into an unimaginable, uncertain future? This tender, bracingly honest memoir explores how Jenny, a young widow, navigates the sudden loss of Tris, her beloved spouse of eighteen years.

With Tris gone, Jenny suddenly finds herself a single mom to a teen daughter and adult stepson. The newly splintered family finds ways to celebrate “milestone firsts” —including birthdays and other holidays that, without Tris, now feel hollow and bittersweet. Jenny finds herself drawn to new people, including other widows and psychic mediums, and becoming open to different kinds of connections based on sharing and spirituality.

She also embarks on a halting quest for new romantic love. Initially, as she endures awkward first dates and unpleasant interactions with self-proclaimed “nice guys,” she resists her new reality —but over time, she finds someone unexpectedly comforting, blending the pain of loss with the pleasure of closeness. For readers who have also lost a loved one, The Good Widow offers both a comforting guide to grief and a form of companionship; for everyone, it’s a beautiful example of how even after death, love endures.

EXCERPT

Love Letter #2

My Beloved,

It’s just over seven months now since you’ve been gone.

At times, I still can’t believe it. It feels incredible that I’ll never
again be able to hold your hand or stroke your hair. I ache to touch
you again, for you to touch me. I’m starving, ravenous to smell your
scent, to breathe your breath. Instead, I stand in front of your open
closet and stroke the dress shirts that had touched the once warm
skin over your once beating heart.

Although I miss your body—the smell and touch and feel of
you—I also miss your mind, your wisdom, your clarity. You had such
a broad perspective on our lives and the world around us. I miss your
personality, your shyness, your sturdiness, and your silly puns. You
appreciated the absurd. You taught me to find and to laugh at the
funny parts of bad behavior and bad situations. I miss your generosity,
how you’d buy me tulips and bring me treats. You’d ask about my
day and listen patiently to my complaints, my worries, nodding and
softly stroking my hand, my cheek. I miss your companionship, you
seated next to me, talking about parenting or planning our next vacation.
With you, the future was a fun and exciting place. I miss being
yours, how proud I felt to be your life companion. I loved being the
wife of the kind, brilliant scientist who worked tirelessly to make a
difference in this world. I miss your flaws. You were often indecisive,
flustered, forgetful. You were always buying new nail clippers.

This morning I had the image of our life together as a tall building
with clean white walls. Your death smashed into this structure like
a wrecking ball, leaving a gaping hole and debris everywhere. Our
life is now my life—broken, fragmented, such a mess. The damage
is massive and overwhelming. Is it even possible to clean this up?
Should I even try? The cavernous hole has left me bare, exposed. The
winds hit me directly now. I shiver and feel vulnerable, unsafe. I also
wonder about the foundation. Is there enough of a base here? Will all
that is left suddenly collapse? How will I be able to find a way to exist
in these jumbled ruins?

Only time will tell. But time is the villain of our story. We didn’t
have enough time. There is no more time to be together. Our time is
over. The world keeps spinning, the sun keeps rising, the clock keeps
ticking. Time advances. Carried forward by new days, I move unwillingly,
powerlessly, away from time with you.

Slowly and painfully, I’m adjusting. It’s happening automatically,
against my will. As the days pass, as I continue to live and
you continue to be gone, your absence feels more and more familiar.
The circular indent from our wedding band on my left ring finger,
now naked, has been mostly smoothed away. Last night, mindlessly,
I parked my car in the middle of the garage we once shared. I hate
this, of course. I still want to tell you the good news, still want to lie
next to you at night. But now I find that, when positive events occur,
the old immediate urge to tell you has faded away. And when I force
myself upstairs, stumbling into our bed in the darkest night hour, it’s
now familiar to find unwrinkled sheets and your unused pillow, bare
and cold.

Yours always, with love,
J

“an eloquent portrait…” Kirkus Review
“explains grief in direct, touching, vulnerable ways…” Foreward Clarion Review
“will resonate with all readers….” BlueInk Starred Review

THE GOOD WIDOW: A MEMOIR OF LIVING WITH LOSS by Jennifer Katz (August 10, She Writes Press) offers both a comforting guide to grief and a form of companionship for those who have lost loved ones; it’s a beautiful example of how even after death, love endures. Perfect for fans of the viral Modern Love story turned memoir My Wife Said You May Want To Marry Me, The Good Widow is a tender, bracingly honest exploration of how young Jenny navigates the sudden loss of Tris, her beloved spouse of eighteen years.

When Jenny suddenly finds herself a single mom to a teen daughter and adult stepson, she and her newly splintered family must find how to navigate this new life. Jenny embarks on a quest for connections and even new romantic love. Initially, she resists her new reality — but over time, she finds someone who unexpectedly blends the pain of loss with the pleasure of closeness. This touching memoir answers some of life’s hardest questions such as: What do we do when life ends? How do we honor the past while moving into an unimaginable, uncertain future?

“Part personal narrative and part survival guide for anyone experiencing the transformative loss of one dearly beloved, The Good Widow is filled with wit and wisdom, grief and celebration. Savor this book. You will gain a new perspective on loss, love, marriage, widowhood, parenthood, and just being human.”—Catherine Johnson Adams, PhD, coauthor of Love of Freedom: Black Women in Colonial and Revolutionary New England

“Many readers who have experienced loss themselves will relate to such visceral passages…An eloquent portrait of a grieving process.” — Kirkus Reviews

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Jennifer Katz was born and raised in South Florida along with a twin brother, a younger sister, and a toy poodle named Muffin. At age twenty-five, she earned her degree in clinical psychology and met Tristram Smith at a job interview. After she was hired, they became friends, and then more. Jenny and Tris married and moved to upstate New York with a son. Widowed at age forty-five, Jenny now lives with her teen daughter. She loves reading, yoga, musical theater, and broccoli. An award-winning professor, she teaches about gender, sexuality, and helping relationships. This is her first book.

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing