Writing Sin Child

I spent my childhood and much of my adult life hiding behind a dark curtain of fear. Fear of what would happen on a daily basis. Fear of all those who judged me and sought revenge based on the doings of my family. Fear of falling asleep at night, not knowing who would be coming and going from wherever I was staying. I suffered from nightmares and flashbacks on a daily basis and thought that as I got older and was able to put myself in more stable situations those things would go away. Unfortunately, stable situations did not come for me for many years. 

When I was 34 years old I decided to seek a new counselor. I had been to counselors before and had received the typical, generic diagnoses of anxiety and depression each time, but I felt like no one really listened to me. I felt like I was losing my mind. The new therapist listened quietly for most of the session and asked few questions along the way.

t the end of the session she began pulling out brochures on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). As she began handing them to me and explaining each one I thought that she was the one losing her mind. I had not been to war or lost a limb.

Why would she be telling me this? She reiterated that I definitely suffered from severe PTSD due to the things I endured in my childhood and even part of my adult life. At the time, I had worked as a RN Supervisor at an inpatient psychiatric facility for children and adolescents.

It truly haunted me that I had taken care of nearly 1,500 children at an inpatient psychiatric facility during my career and not one of them had been diagnosed with PTSD, when roughly 90% of them were severely abused and would have had Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) scores of 6 or more if that simple test would have been in place. As I began to open up about my experiences and about the injustice that I felt was brought to so many of the children I had cared for I was encouraged to write my story. 

I’m certain my English teachers would have declared I would be the last person they ever expected to write a book, but that’s just what I did.  Through the writing process I was forced to dive deep into the experiences I had endured and ask myself questions I had never thought of. It also made me dive deep into the affects (short and long term) of ACEs.

My life had changed drastically for the better once I had been diagnosed with PTSD and given the appropriate tools to deal with it. I also found that my own ACE score was 10, which is the highest possible score. ACEs have become a major initiative for schools and healthcare providers. Studies have also been performed and have linked many physical health problems in adulthood to ACEs. After writing this book, I learned I had multiple autoimmune disorders and suffered a small stroke in 2019.

According to the CDC, a study done between 2014-2019 revealed 74% of individuals who are incarcerated and/or in substance abuse treatments have 4 or more ACEs and 52% have 6 or more ACEs and ACEs have become a major initiative for schools and healthcare providers. My hope is that the veil is lifted from the much underestimated results of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and related PTSD.

There is no knight in shining armor that rescues the damsel in distress in this book, but it did lead to an ability to understand my own relilience and aided me in helping others who haven’t yet found their resilience. While the beginning of the story was filled with sorrow and despair, the chapters leading up to the ending shows victory over abuse and neglect through sheer determination and perseverance. 

Writing this book gave me a new sense of empowerment and freedom. I am now free to use my life example to empower others. I founded a new nonprofit organization, PTSD-ACED Foundation, Inc. and am now dedicating my time to help increase awareness of ACEs and PTSD and providing aid to those who have endured such. That dark curtain has been lifted and I am no longer ashamed of who I am. 

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Angela Howard is a first-time author and the founder of PTSD-ACED Foundation, Inc. Angela is a registered nurse and has worked in the medical field for the past 20 years. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Nursing and certifications in Life Care Planning and Medical Case Management. She is highly impacted by the adverse effects of PTSD secondary to ACEs. She herself has overcome extreme adverse childhood experiences with the highest ACE score of 10. Angela’s health has been adversely affected as she suffers from multiple autoimmune disorders. Angela’s desire is to bring increased awareness of ACEs by educating those affected and individuals in medical and educational fields.

SIN CHILD

After years of abuse, Angela Howard has found her voice helping others suffering PTSD from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).

Angela Howard was a strong-minded girl who endured a daily struggle to find acceptance and, often, a place to sleep at night. A cotton-top child with a neglectful, angry mother and an absent father, Angela’s innocence faded too fast, and she came to accept loss and abuse as a natural part of her life.

Sin Child tells the story of Angela’s harrowing childhood in a small Mississippi town. Marked by organized crime, violence, and physical and emotional abuse, Angela’s formative years form a riveting memoir—a gutsy and gritty story with no silver lining. Showing resiliency and maturity at a young age, she becomes a strong ad respected woman through her resolve to survive and achieve.

Sin Child continues a national discussion about the role of childhood trauma in personal development. Today Angela is a dedicated advocate for those suffering from ACE trauma, working to increase awareness and recognition of the lasting physical and emotional impacts of extreme childhood abuse and neglect.

A riveting memoir, Sin Child tells the story of childhood trauma and abandonment, alongside a narrative of grit and determination.

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Category: On Writing