No One is You, and that’s Your Superpower

by Debra Borchert

Recently, I attended a Zoom meeting, starring Kara Infante, podcaster-extraordinaire and host of Bookish Flights Podcast, in which she said, “No One is you, and that’s your superpower.”

I thought about how most of us have experienced anxiety or nervousness at least once, and how those bouts can affect our self-confidence. As I think those events are what stop us from being ourselves, I asked myself what event affected me.

One incident came to me in a flash. I was in kindergarten and Miss Loveless, and believe me, she was, instructed us to make Native American vests out of brown paper bags, demonstrating how to cut one side of the bag down the center and cut out neck and arm holes. She then showed us how to make fringe at the hem and told us to color patterns all over the bag.

I drew rainbows, a cardinal on a tree branch, and the sun. I also cut chevrons (VVVVVVV) instead of fringe (llllllllll) at the hem of my paper bag.

Miss Loveless rewarded my creativity by sending me to the corner for the remainder of the afternoon for not following directions.

I don’t remember what my five-year-old self thought during my incarceration, but I suspect I plotted my revenge, because I earned a degree in fashion design from one of the top fashion colleges in the country.

Paper bags must be a thing in my life because a boss once told me I couldn’t write my way out of one. I promptly wrote an essay which was published in The New York Times.

Most of us have a Miss Loveless or two in our memories. I recall in the beginning of my career, I was terrified of my boss’s reaction when I presented my designs, and it wasn’t until much later in life, when I was no longer a designer, that I realized the incident with Miss Loveless continued to chip away at my confidence.

Saboteurs, the worst are those who think they are well meaning, present themselves throughout life, not just during our childhoods. In an adult education class a French teacher mocked me before the entire class for using the wrong tense of a verb. As we were all adults, everyone squirmed in their chairs because they knew it could be them enduring her ridicule. I envisioned her wearing my Native American paper bag vest and laughed. I imagine I came across as gracious, but I never signed up for another of her classes because I didn’t want to pay someone to mock me. I found a kinder and better teacher—one who didn’t need to put me down for her own amusement.

The thing about saboteurs of our confidence is: they are cowards. When we shine the light of truth upon their criticism, they don’t return and they can’t haunt us anymore. And if you can make yourself laugh in the process, you’ve cut them off at the pass, because they won’t be able to take up residence in your mind as Miss Loveless had hung out in my mind for about thirty years.

Kara is spot on. Being yourself is the greatest superpower. Imagine the power you’ll have once you kick out all the Miss Lovelesses in your life.

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Bio

Debra Borchert is the award-winning author of the Château de Verzat series (Her Own Legacy, Her Own Revolution, Her Own War), and its companion cookbook, Soups of Château de Verzat, A Literary Cookbook and Tribute to the French Revolution, and, Give ’Em Something to Talk About, Word-of-Mouth Drives Book Sales, A Marketing Workbook for Spreading the Word. His Last Christmas Gift is her first romance novel.

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing