On Writing Once We Forget by Elise Geither
The day it really hit me was a sunny spring day. My parents had just called me to say “Happy Birthday” and sing to me. As they laughed and Mom sang, she got to the part of the song that goes: Happy Birthday dear (name). And…silence. My mother had forgotten my name.
My name is Elise; my name was carefully chosen by my mother. Elise Joy. Elise for the princess in Hans Christian Andersen’s fairytale The Wild Swans. Joy for the perfume that she loved and bought in Paris. She loved my name. And now, it was gone.
Grief is very real when your loved one has dementia. There were so many moments that broke my heart. In the final months, I became my mother’s caregiver, taking over decisions and planning out how she would be cared for.
In the end, I came to a very huge (huge to me) realization: it is a great honor to care for your parent when they no longer can.
My mother passed at age 93. The grief was real. What do you do with the black hole of grief? You cry. You scream. You think over and over how it could have been different…and then, you live.
For me, it took time.
As a writer, I had one story that was trapped in a cycle of trouble. Was it a long poem? Was it a play? I am a diverse writer. My poetry appears in literary mags, in chapbooks, in collections. My short plays have been produced at festivals and in student programs (see more here: elisegeither.com). However, this story, the story of two sisters and one summer night, eluded me until the legacy of my mother made it real.
What happens when there is a family secret and the only person who has the key is slowly losing their memory…from dementia? And what happens if, as the mother loses her memory, the daughter begins to find hers? There it was. The storyline.
I had the knowledge, the experience. All of those dark moments that I had experienced with my own mother became the heart of the story of Momma and Rose. With my experiences caring for my mother as structure, the story finally came together.
Was it hard to write? Did I grieve again at each moment? When Momma in the story forgets a name, asks the same question over and over, and wanders off one night…I relived each of those moments with my Mom. But this time, it wasn’t only grief. It was honoring the experience, knowing to some point that others have tread on this path as well and more would.
That is how Once We Forget came to life.
At the time I was deep into the story, writing daily, I had also just lost my father. I struggled to find my own way in life. I had worked for over 30 years in higher education and took a new position where I thought I could create a new program. Instead, it was terrible and I left to go back to a place where I could really teach: the high school English classroom. But something was off. So I took a dive…I left the high school and the students I loved to take a chance. To work remote and travel the world. It was a unique opportunity and gave me the time I needed to write. Not in an office or at my bedroom desk.
Instead, I wrote in a haunted caretaker’s cottage set near a tumbling cemetery. That became a place where Rose ran away to contemplate life and death. I wrote in a small Italian-style villa where I sat on the shore of a small lake with a huge swan who reminded me that I was a princess with seven brothers who had been magically cursed to fly as swans until I could save them. And I wrote in the only coffee show in a small Asian neighborhood where children stared into the windows at the blonde lady curled over her computer. There, the cicada song at night helped me explore Rose’s memories as they crept back. The story was my mother, the image of two small girls, a mystery, and each moment that I was traveling and coming back to life.
Next.
As a writer, I queried with agents and publishers and the book found its home with Hidden Shelf Publishers, and we were off and running. The cover was designed by the publisher, and I was happy with the mix of art, reflecting well my story that mixed fairytale and real life, bonds and hardships.
Next.
I’m flying home just in time to hold that first copy in my hand. June 2026. This will be my third publication, my second novel. And guess what? My next novel has also been signed with another publisher. And I’m working on my next story.
What makes a story? For me, at least at this time, it is what you know, what you experience, what you live. A cemetery of broken headstones. Cicadas serenading me at night. A swan. And then there are the fairytales that show up in the mix. And maybe it is the grief that pulls it all together.
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Geither’s publications span academic writing, fiction, poetry, and theater. The academic text Helping Students with Autism Spectrum Disorders Express Their Thoughts and Knowledge in Writing reflects the work she had done supporting neurodiverse writers in higher education. As a creative writer, Geither is the author of the young adult novel The Deer and the forthcoming novel Once We Forget, as well as multiple poetry and performance chapbooks. Her plays and monologues have been produced across the United States, from intimate black box theaters to established regional stages.
Geither’s career work has been recognized with Diversity and Inclusion Awards from Case Western Reserve University, nominations for mentoring and writing instruction, and multiple writing awards and nominations including Lamia Ink! and Moondance. Whether on the page, in the classroom, or on the stage, her focus remains the same: telling human stories with honesty, care, and emotional depth—and helping others do the same.
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ONCE WE FORGET
Some memories fade slowly. Others disappear before we ever understand what we’ve lost.
When Rose’s mother begins her descent into dementia, Rose finds herself consumed by fragments of a forgotten past – and the haunting image of a young girl with golden hair named Lily. Who was she? What happened? And what will it mean if the memory is lost forever?
Once We Forget is a moving and atmospheric novel that weaves together the tenderness of caregiving, the mystery of family secrets, and the quiet magic of a fairytale long buried. With echoes of Where the Crawdads Sing and the lyrical enchantment of Francesca Lia Block, Elise Geither delivers a story about what we carry, what we lose, and what we owe the people we love.
Perfect for book clubs. Unforgettable long after the last page.
PREORDER HERE
Category: On Writing
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