Writing Meaningfully about Trauma

Courtney Ramm is a successful professional dancer and choreographer whose upcoming memoir, “Eris Rising” (Acorn Publishing, Fall 2020) is a deeply personal tell-all about falling for a highly manipulative and dangerous man. Over the course of their relationship, Marcus leads Courtney down a long, dark rabbit hole, gaslighting her until she uproots her promising career in Hawaii to live and work within a cult-like Texas church with him. Eventually, against all odds, Courtney finds the strength to leave the relationship and regain her sense of self. 

An inspiring read above all else, “Eris Rising” is a necessary reminder of the resiliency of the human spirit.

A few years ago, when I was going through an unforeseen difficult time in my life, those who were close to me and watching the whole mess unfold all said similar things: “One day you should write a book about this”; “This would make for a great book”; “Your story gets more crazy by the day. Please write a book about this!”. While my career was in both the performing and healing arts, writing a book was something I always imagined I would do. I just didn’t quite imagine that this would be what I’d write about.

The rapid unraveling of my life at a most vulnerable time–a brand new mother to an infant while also pregnant with a second child–left me in shock, and there was no way I could fathom writing it all down in a cohesive way. But I took a mental note, that if I ever, ever recovered from the massive trauma I was experiencing at the time, it would be quite the creative project to write a book about it.

For a full twelve months, I focused on my own inner healing. Then, without warning, words of a book-to-be started flooding into my head, as if being channeled. In rare, quiet moments while single-parenting two babies I heard a book being written, and I knew this was the book I had to write. 

If you’re wondering whether or not to turn your story into a book, ask yourself: Do you need to write it? Are you feeling inspired to write? Called to write? Is some unseen force beckoning you to write your story down so others can learn from it? If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then please, write! If it’s not, then I would suggest rethinking whether you want to put so much energy into an experience of the past, because writing about difficult times in our lives, even if we’ve made it to the other side, still requires re-living those experiences through the process of putting it into words.

How long should you wait before starting to write your story? This is a great question, and the exact time frame will be different for every person. In order to not simply journal, there needs to be space between you and the event you’re writing about. Can you write without your words being charged with judgement and anger? Can you provide insights for your readers, without getting too caught up in the drama? Most readers will appreciate that you’ve taken the time to deeply reflect and heal before sharing your story, while still remaining raw, honest, and vulnerable in your recollection.

Once you’ve chosen to write your story detailing a difficult, traumatic time in your life, it’s important to let go of self-judgement through the writing process. I found the best way to get around my perfectionist-self was to not commit to publishing my book until it was fully complete and edited. Knowing I didn’t have to publish my highly-personal work gave me the leeway to actually get started. Otherwise, my overachiever self would not have let me get past the first few paragraphs, for fear that it was not “perfect.”

Getting into the right mental and physical space to write your story is essential. Ultimately, you want to take your reader on a journey. The reader is living along with you, riding your ups and downs and resonating with you on a profound level. In order to provide that type of rich experience, you’ll have to go back in time and relive your story as you write.

Being prepared for emotions that may come up, as well as being in your own little “bubble” physically, is crucial. I was able to write my memoir, Eris Rising, by going to a quiet spot away from my two babies (and hiring a babysitter!), allowing myself to time-travel back to the events I was writing about. Although certain chapters were difficult to write and brought up emotions including nostalgia and grief, overall the writing process was healing as I had a chance to see my story in a new light by gleaning the lessons gained from surviving such a difficult experience. Writing about trauma is a way to take the “poison” of our lives and turn it into “medicine” that can heal both yourself and others.

During the writing process, keeping up self-care is essential. You need to have a way to process the emotions that come up while writing about the past. While writing is healing in itself, continually re-entering into a previous reality can take a mental and emotional toll. As a yoga teacher and professional dancer, I find that movement is one of the quickest ways to release stress and negativity from the body.

Even something simple such as a brisk walk in nature, while being one-hundred percent present and mindful of the trees, flowers and scenery around you, is immensely powerful in cleansing yourself of toxic emotions. Cultivating a deep sense of gratitude for your strength, your grit, your spirit, and your life is the ultimate way to dissolve negativity of your past and step into the future ready for your next adventure–and perhaps your next book!

To summarize, here are my top takeaways for writing meaningfully about trauma:

  • If you feel inspired to write about your past traumatic experience, absolutely do it! That’s your sign that your book has a mission to fulfill, to help and encourage others.
  • An ideal time to start writing your book is when the initial shock subsides, in order to write from a place of clarity rather than a place of anger. This could take weeks, months, or years–everyone is different.
  • Let go of self-judgement during the writing process. Write honestly and from your heart, knowing that you can always change your mind later and not publish your book.
  • Give yourself space to write, away from interruptions. You need physical space as well as mental space to time-travel into an old reality.
  • Develop a self-care routine to nourish yourself and detox old emotions that come up. Some ideas are: walk or hike in nature, swim in the ocean, meditate, take an epsom salts bath with essential oils, play an instrument or listen to music, do yoga, tend to a garden, jump on a rebounder (mini-trampoline), or put on music you love and just dance it out!

—

Courtney Ramm: Born and raised in the heart of New York City, Courtney Ramm has followed her passion for dance since childhood, which led to a career as a professional dancer, choreographer, and teacher. She’s directed dance schools, performed, and taught all over the world, from Singapore to Thailand to Manhattan.

With her Master’s degree in Dance Education, Courtney has led wellness retreats in Hawaii, focusing on empowerment and transformation. Courtney is the founder and artistic director of the non-profit dance company, RammDance. She blends her love of dance with holistic healing, and is a certified Pilates instructor, Yoga teacher, Ayurvedic consultant, Theta healer, Master Detox Chef, and Reiki practitioner.

Alongside her focused training and career in dance, writing has always been one of Courtney’s passions. She knew she would write a book — although she never imagined her memoir would take such a twisted turn. Courtney is a full-time single mama to two toddlers. “Eris Rising” is her first book. For more information, please visit: https://www.courtneyramm.com

ERIS RISING

Warrior’s aren’t born, they are forged from the harsh experiences that shape them as they strive to defend what is sacred and true. And geniuses aren’t born either—or are they? Courtney Ramm would know, as she’s one of 229 offspring born from the controversial “Genius Sperm Bank”, a genetic experiment that existed in the 1980s and ‘90s. With a predisposition for “genius”, Courtney found herself driven toward success. Following her passion for dance, by the age of eight she was studying at the renowned School of American Ballet and soon thereafter, performing on New York’s greatest stages. At twenty-five years old, she acted upon a strong inner calling to start her own dance company—in Hawaii.

Moving across the globe from the concrete jungle of Manhattan to the tropical jungle in Hawaii, Courtney brought along her endless to-do lists and a strong determination to succeed. But one thing was missing from the picture-perfect life she had imagined: a perfect husband.

When she first locked eyes with Marcus at a spiritual gathering, she sensed something was off in the uncanny intensity of his stare. But she dove into a relationship anyway, not grasping the graveness and outright danger of the decision.

Eris Rising is a story of breaking deep karmic patterns, grappling with the calling of destiny, and changing long-held karma into mission. With the powerful feminine warrior spirit of Eris as inspiration, this memoir shows how it’s possible to move forward after life-altering “mistakes”, and recover the true “genius” within.