When Grief Takes Everything

by Vanessa May

How do you survive when grief appears to take everything from you? When I wrote my first book ‘Love Untethered: How to Live When Your Child Dies’, I thought the loss of my son was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. And I was right, it was, but little did I know there was more to come that would further devastate my entire life.

Two years after losing my beloved son, I lost my husband and father in the same three-week period during the Covid pandemic. Writing was an important part of my healing after my son died so it made sense to write another book about what it’s like to then experience further losses, including that of your partner who, in my case, was the only other person to fully share the heartbreak of losing our son. In ‘When Grief Takes Everything’, I chart my quest to make sense of what has happened to me, as well as sharing the stories of six other inspirational women who have experienced great loss. I also offer guidance, tools and resources drawn from my experience as a holistic grief coach and grief educator. 

As well as being a way to process my own grief and trauma, my purpose in writing ‘When Grief Takes Everything’ – and ‘Love Untethered: How to Live When Your Child Dies’ – has been to help others who may be lost in deep grief. I know first-hand how helpful it can be for grieving people to see their story reflected in someone else’s. Those who experience a devastating loss can feel very isolated and in need of realistic advice that can prove difficult to find. By offering a truthful and relatable perspective, I hope my books offer compassion, insight and guidance on how to move through grief. From someone who knows.

Supporting others in grief is one way I try to turn my ‘pain into purpose’ and aim to use what has happened to me for good. I’m passionate about raising awareness around the reality of grief, especially child loss, partner loss and multiple losses, and the very specific grief and trauma that can come with them. We live in a society where grief is often minimised, and we’re expected to ‘get over’ it as soon as possible. The more grief-aware we can become as a society; the more grieving people will be able to heal.

So, as well as telling my story and that of others, ‘When Grief Takes Everything’ is also a practical guide for surviving grief – because for some of us grief really can feel like some sort of extreme survival course. The guidance I offer is based on everything I’ve learnt both personally (as a bereaved mother, widow and bereaved daughter) and professionally (as a holistic grief coach, certified grief educator, nutritional therapist, wellbeing coach and spiritual life coach).

My holistic approach to grief, and how it can be a ‘whole being’ experience is, I feel, often missing in conventional bereavement support. A notable consequence of grief, particularly when it’s traumatic, is the effect it can have on our health. I explain in the book the potentially significant and far-reaching impact that grief and trauma can have on the body and how you might mitigate this.

So, if grief can greatly affect us emotionally and physically, what about spiritually? A major loss can leave us grappling with questions about what happens after death. ‘When Grief Takes Everything’ explores the intersection of grief, trauma and the possibility of an afterlife. Running parallel with my personal experience of PTSD is one of ‘post traumatic growth’, both of which I discuss in the book. Part of this has manifested as my work to help others, but also in my own soul growth and spiritual path. Grief can sometimes open us up to a new way of looking at life, death and the afterlife. 

I discovered through the response to ‘Love Untethered’, and from those I support through their grief, that there is a huge need for connection with others who authentically tell it like it is without any toxic positivity or irritating platitudes, who have ‘lived’ experience and who can offer realistic advice. So, in this book, I share how I’ve survived, in case you’ve also lost someone (or, like me, more than one someone) and you simply don’t know how to go on without them. I share my experience so that others might feel, ‘If she can survive, then perhaps I can too’.

And, at its heart, ‘When Grief Takes Everything’ is about how the ongoing connection you have with your loved one can help you to survive the devastation of living without their physical presence. Some wounds are unfathomably deep, and I see the world so very differently now, but love doesn’t die. My grief is always with me, but I have gradually learnt to live with what’s happened and find purpose in life. ‘When Grief Takes Everything: A Survival Guide to Devastating Loss’ is part of that purpose. By telling my own story, and by sharing what I’ve learnt, I hope others might feel less alone in their grief and start to find their own purpose in life after loss and, eventually, a little peace too.—

—

Vanessa May is a holistic grief coach and certified grief educator. She is also a nutritional therapist, wellbeing coach and spiritual life coach. Vanessa has written two other books: ‘Love Untethered: How to Live When Your Child Dies’ and ‘Supporting Your Grieving Client: A Guide for Wellness Practitioners’. 

Her new book ‘When Grief Takes Everything: A Survival Guide to Devastating Loss’ is available from Amazon on 7th October. (link)

Author Website: www.vanessamay.co.uk

Instagram: may.wellbeing.griefsupport

WHEN GRIEF TAKES EVERYTHING

Two years after losing her beloved son, Vanessa May lost her husband and father in the same three-week period during the Covid pandemic. In this book, she charts her quest to make sense of what has happened to her, as well as sharing the stories of six other inspirational women who have experienced loss. Finally, she offers guidance, tools and resources drawn from her experience as a holistic grief coach and educator.

When Grief Takes Everything is a book for anyone who has experienced great loss: the mother who buried her child, the widow who lost her future, and all those others who find themselves unwillingly walking the path of grief.

“When Grief Takes Everything” is a raw, profound and deeply compassionate guide for those navigating unimaginable loss. Vanessa’s personal journey and hard-won wisdom offer both solace and strength to anyone wondering how to survive the unthinkable.
Theresa Cheung, ITV’s This Morning regular and Sunday Times bestselling author

BUY HERE

 

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: How To and Tips