Asking for Trouble
Asking for Trouble
Like many women, I hate asking for help.
Perhaps because I have been reared as part of a generation of independent women, perhaps because I have been taught that I am a capable individual, perhaps because I am a people-pleaser by nature, I cringe every time I ask anyone to do me a favor. Even something as simple as carpooling with other mothers for children’s activities is uncomfortable for me unless I know that I am driving as frequently (or preferably more often) than the other mothers involved.
Perhaps I should have thought all this through before I decided to become an author because, holy cow, do you have to ask, and ask, and ask, and ask, and ask, for one thing after another if you want your book to do well.
It starts off slowly.
First, you’re just posting on Facebook. And maybe Insta. Ok, Twitter, too. It’s not a big ask. You’re just hoping your friends will put up with your sudden increase in posting. Hopefully they’ll refrain from making fun of you for it. At least to your face.
Next, you start asking them to share your posts. After all, how are you going to spread the word outside of your network? Next, you’re asking them to come to your book launch. And your author meet & greet at the local bookstore, even though they already came to the last event. Oh, but now there is an event in the town or city where that friend grew up. Could they please just email a few of their hometown friends about it?
You are completely soaked in sweat from the continued appeals, but you can’t stop yet because here comes the most important one: Buy my book! Could you? Would you? Please? And maybe a couple of copies for your extended family members, co-workers, old friends, enemies?? And lo and behold, your super awesome friends do this for you. They do it with a smile. They are psyched to help you. They like being supportive. It makes them feel good, and they think it’s kind of fun to know an author. This is wonderful news because you have additional requests.
Your friends who have so kindly come to your book events, purchased your book, and even actually read the thing, have now gone out of their way to report back and tell you how much they enjoyed the read. Hopefully they actually mean it because there is, come to think of it, another thing (or three or four) they could do for you that would kind of be super helpful to your book’s success.
Could they please go online and review the book? (but only if they will say good things!!). And then maybe cut and paste and add that review to Goodreads? If they wanted to post on social again about how much they enjoyed reading the novel, that would be extra great.
A picture of the book on a lounge chair or placed next to a fruity cocktail with a beach in the background could be an especially nice touch. Just saying. If they wouldn’t mind just doing this one little thing.
Thankfully, people seem to understand. What I have come to realize is that it actually takes strength to ask for help, and bravery too. I still don’t like it. At all. But I am beginning to comprehend is that it is not a sign of weakness, not a symbol of incapability, to ask for assistance in a professional arena where such requests are part of the path to success.
I have wanted to be an author for my entire life, and if I let something stand in my way, something as innocuous as asking friends for favors, well then shame on me. Though I may not like it, I have become rather adept at asking, and asking, and asking. It is perhaps my own version of leaning in, being a strong and aggressive woman.
So I will continue to lean across the table, look you right in the eye, speak in a loud and confident voice, and ask you to buy another copy of my book.
Please.
—
About TROUBLE THE WATER
Abigail Milton was born into the British middle class, but her family has landed in unthinkable debt. To ease their burdens, Abby’s parents send her to America to live off the charity of their old friend, Douglas Elling. When she arrives in Charleston at the age of seventeen, Abigail discovers that the man her parents raved about is a disagreeable widower who wants little to do with her.To her relief, he relegates her care to a governess, leaving her to settle into his enormous estate with little interference. But just as she begins to grow comfortable in her new life, she overhears her benefactor planning the escape of a local slave—and suddenly, everything she thought she knew about Douglas Elling is turned on its head.
Abby’s attempts to learn more about Douglas and his involvement in abolition initiate a circuitous dance of secrets and trust. As Abby and Douglas each attempt to manage their complicated interior lives, readers can’t help but hope that their meandering will lead them straight to each other. Set against the vivid backdrop of Charleston twenty years before the Civil War, Trouble the Water is a captivating tale replete with authentic details about Charleston’s aristocratic planter class, American slavery, and the Underground Railroad.
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Well said!
Oh boy, did you speak to me, Jacqueline. I’m just at the beginning of that uncomfortable journey. At first, I didn’t even like to follow people on Twitter or Facebook. “They don’t even know me,” I thought. “How presumptuous of me!” I have a loooong way to go. I’m glad I’m not alone – thanks for sharing your wisdom as a pro now.