Authors Interviewing Characters: Diane Papalia Zappa Interviews the Love of her Life
When Bob and Diane met, it was love at first sight. For both of them. In her memoirs, The Married Widow: My Journey with Bob Zappa and its companion piece, Dear Bobby: My Grief Journey, Diane describes the evolution of their relationship from their meeting in 1986 to their marriage in 2015 and his passing from hereditary Amyloidosis in 2018. He was 75 and Diane was 71 when he passed. In both memoirs she describes the many supernatural events that happened after he died. She’s wanted to ask him about them.
DIANE: I’ve often wondered what it’s like where you are.
BOB: It’s amazing here. More beautiful than anything where you are. There are colors that don’t exist on earth. And there’s a sense of peace and pure love.
DIANE: I’ve heard that when you pass, spirits bring you home. Did that happen to you?
BOB: Frank came for me but my mom and dad met me, too. It took a while to fully transition, but I’m there now. I’m healthy and pain-free. Know that when it’s your time I’ll come get you and bring you home and we’ll finally be together forever.
DIANE: So what do you do now?
BOB: Well after he passed Frank (his brother and iconic musician Frank Zappa) composed some “serious” music and we play that together. I’m getting pretty good at playing the guitar!
DIANE: One night I felt you in bed next to me. I asked you if you had a body.
BOB: No, it’s all energy here. I don’t need a physical body. But it was me right behind you. Spirits can do that.
DIANE: Since you passed a lot of unusual things have happened in our place. I’ve noticed things have been moved around.
BOB(chuckling): Oh yes. That’s called telekinesis so I can use my mental powers to move things. Did you find the kitchen towels yet? They’re in the chest in the living room. You’ll find six towels stuffed in the bottom drawer. And that Christmas napkin you thought was missing is upstairs, in the covered wicker basket, with the other Christmas linens. And if you look carefully you’ll find more.
DIANE: Well I have wondered how my wedding rings disappeared and I didn’t even feel them leaving my finger.
BOB: Me, again. They’re in the freezer now.
DIANE: Ever since the lockdown 5 years ago I hear sounds (clicks and knocks) every 6 hours, like clockwork. Do you have anything to do with that?
BOB: That’s me, letting you know I’m close by and watching over you. When I asked you to marry me, I said I wanted to protect you. I know it’s been hard for you and I just want you to know I’m right here, making sure you’re safe. The veil between the dimensions is really very thin, especially around 3 in the morning.
DIANE: Do you watch over anyone else?
BOB: Of course. Your daughter, Anna, and my son, Jason,
among others. I know Jason is happily married to a wonderful and supportive woman. And that Anna and Brandon are doing well, too.
DIANE: One evening Tony and I were having a long leisurely dinner. We talked about lots of things. But when we mentioned a certain politician we all hated, a lit table lamp near us turned off and then back on.
BOB: That was me joining the conversation. I hear everything.
And I love to fool with electricity. I’ve turned the TVs on a few time. And dimmed the lights, too.
DIANE: Is there anything more you’d like to tell me?
BOB: I know you wrote 2 memoirs. I’m very proud of you. I hope writing them helped you ease your grief.
DIANE: I’m really glad to know you are happy, healthy, and that you still have your wonderful sense of humor. Thanks for sharing all this with me. I look forward to seeing you in the afterlife.
‘Til we meet again.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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Diane Papalia Zappa grew up in Fort Lee, NJ. She graduated from Vassar College in 1968. She earned a MS in Child Development and Family Relations and a PhD in Life-Span Developmental Psychology from West Virginia University in 1970 and 1971, respectively.
She then joined the faculty of the Department of Child and Family Studies at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, attaining the rank of full professor at age 30.
While there she and co-author Sally Wendkos Olds wrote A Child’s World (now in its thirteenth edition) and Human Development (now in its fifteenth edition).
While at Wisconsin she met Frank Zappa’s younger brother Bob, who was marketing manager for one of her textbooks. They married in 2015.
Her first memoir, The Married Widow: My Journey with Bob Zappa, describes their relationship since meeting in 1986. Dear Bobby described how she handled her grief after he passed in 2018.
THE MARRIED WIDOW
1Diane Papalia’s world was turned upside down when she met Bob Zappa, “the man with the chocolate brown eyes,” in 1986. They were immediately drawn to each other. Over the course of 27 years, their stars would cross again and again, but it was complicated for them to be together. It wasn’t until 2013 that Diane and Bob were free to commit to being together. This is Diane’s story about their journey across those years, and how their love endured. The Married Widow is a poignant look at a beautiful love story between two people who waited years to finally be together.
Diane Papalia Zappa earned her PhD in lifespan developmental psychology in 1971. She went on to teach human development courses to thousands of students at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, attaining the rank of tenured full professor of child and family studies at the age of 30. While in Madison, she and co-author Sally Wendkos Olds wrote A Child’s World (now in its thirteenth edition) and Human Development (in its fourteenth edition).
In 1986, while still a professor in Madison, she met Frank Zappa’s younger brother, Bob, who was the marketing manager for one of her books.
DEAR BOBBY: MY GRIEF JOURNEY
When Diane Papalia and Bob Zappa met in 1986, they both felt an immediate and intense connection. It was not until 2013 that they could finally be together, and they married in 2015. Three short years later, Bob passed away, a victim of hereditary amyloidosis. In Dear Bobby, Diane tells the story of how she dealt with her monumental loss.
In her grief, Diane found writing to be especially helpful, so she began writing letters to her late husband a few months after he died. Reflecting on her loss allowed her to confront that loss, find meaning in it, and eventually find peace. The centerpiece of this book is a collection of those letters.
In Dear Bobby, Diane talks about the different ways of grieving. She presents several writing prompts to encourage readers to begin their own writing journey. Dear Bobby also offers helpful resources for the reader, including books about death, grieving, coping, and the afterlife. There is a list of films that have afterlife themes. It also includes a list of support groups and organizations for those who are grieving that Diane found helpful.
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Category: Contemporary Women Writers
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