Does Grief Transform What you Write?

May 4, 2025 | By | Reply More

By Sweta Vikram

We were at a dinner gathering the other night when a few people asked, “When are you writing your next novel?”

I didn’t have an answer. These people knew that I started work on a new novel in summer of 2020. They had shown interest in the storyline. They wanted to know if like my novel Louisiana Catch, this new book too would also have multicultural characters.

Life took many detours, and I am no longer in pursuit of the said novel. Like so many others, my creativity and I were both paralyzed and enveloped by grief and loss. First the pandemic, then my father’s health, and before we knew it … my father and father-in-law died within two days of each other. No, we weren’t expecting these sudden ends of these two men in their 70s.

In my life, at this point, I don’t have the bandwidth to create an alternate reality, which comes from working on fiction. As a small business owner, an Ayurvedic Doctor, adjunct professor, wellness speaker, a trauma-informed grief coach … my schedule is tight. I don’t have the luxury of time to pack my bags and go to a quiet writing retreat to work on my novel. I realize that I live life with a sense of urgency.

Emotionally, my grief and healing journey still feel raw. I am a little afraid to go deep into new characters because what if they open old wounds. My father was my anchor and safe space in this world. Where will I turn if working on the novel brings up stuff?

In my novel Louisiana Catch, the female protagonist Ahana loses her mom suddenly. My mom was alive when I started to work on that book. But in those 6-8 years of working on the novel, Mom passed away. The editor suggested that I tap into my own experience of loss to describe Ahana’s grief healing journey.

Some research suggests that disclosing deep emotions through writing can boost immune function as well as mood and well-being. Conversely, the stress of holding in strong feelings can ratchet up blood pressure and heart rate, and increase muscle tension[1]

Ahana, like me, loses her mom unexpectedly, so I had to travel back in time and explore how I felt. Finding my mom’s body wrapped in a lavender sheet in the morgue. The writing might have come across as authentic and relatable to my readers, but the anguish of reliving my mother’s death and feeling the loss traverse through every cell was just cruel.

I am grateful that I have been writing despite the grief and exhaustion. Two of my nonfiction books, A Piece of Peace and The Loss That Binds Us, were birthed in these five years. I have written articles focused on wellness, self-help, grief healing, and lifestyle (within the parameters of culture) for several magazines. I managed to complete my Doctorate in Ayurveda and become a certified grief coach, which allowed me to share Ayurvedic healing modalities with the world. But I haven’t been able to find the road that leads me back to my novel.

I was talking to a friend, who has also lost both her parents, and she completely stopped writing after their demise. First it felt that she was hit with writer’s block. Grief is tricky like that, and it didn’t allow her to return to her work-in-progress. It’s nearly impossible to curate creativity, especially when grief is in the room. Then she didn’t consider exploring other creative forms to process her grief. I feel bad for the loss of her creative outlet.

But I also learned that one of the reasons I have been able to write so far … is because I have allowed my grief to transform what and how I write. You can’t tame grief because after a loss, we are no longer the same person. I don’t put a timer and ask my grief to churn out 5,000 words. When you’re grieving, the ideas and words often come from a deeper, more vulnerable place, and they carry a weight and authenticity that’s hard to replicate in other emotional states. I write because that’s how I accept my reality and continue to heal. I also write because I want to be able to help, not necessarily entertain, others.

I have questioned everything about my identity, relationships, and existence after losing Dad. It will be two years this May since we lost him unexpectedly. Who do we become when the foundation, the people who brought us into this world, are gone. It changes your relationship with mortality and sense of safety. Where do I belong—at the older kids’ table or one where my aunts and uncles sit because I am representing my parents. Who do I call every Diwali, Holi, and New Year? I am tired of talking to pictures and memories on my birthdays and every special occasion. I don’t know where to turn for advice now that I no longer have parents or a home in India. Am I a tourist when I visit India?

It’s exhausting to be at war with your grief. But grief can make writing more honest, more intense, and sometimes more beautiful because it forces you to confront emotions you might usually avoid or haven’t had to deal with. It’s shifted my tone, deepened my perspective, and revealed parts of myself I didn’t know existed. Somewhere along the way, the raw and unfiltered feelings resonate with others. Because we might be individuals on our own journey of healing, but we are all connected and not so different from each other.

Have you been writing through grief lately, or reflecting on how it’s impacting your creative process?

“You do not get over grief. You can only learn to walk alongside it.”

[1] https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/writing-to-ease-grief

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BIO: Sweta Srivastava Vikram (www.swetavikram.com) is an international speaker, best-selling author of 14 books, award-winning entrepreneur, a certified grief coach, trauma-informed yoga teacher, Adjunct Professor, and Doctor of Ayurveda (AD) who is committed to helping people thrive on their own terms. Her latest book is The Loss that Binds Us: 108 Tips on Coping With Grief and Loss (Loving Healing Press). As a trusted source on health and wellness, most recently appearing on NBC, NPR, iHeartRadio, and Radio Lifeforce and in a documentary with Dr. Deepak Chopra, Sweta has dedicated her career to writing about and teaching a more holistic approach to creativity, productivity, health, and nutrition. Her work has appeared in The New York Times and other publications across nine countries on three continents. Sweta holds a Master’s in Strategic Communications from Columbia University. Voted as “One of the Most Influential Asians of Our Times” and winner of the “Voices of the Year” award (past recipients include Chelsea Clinton), she lives in New York City with her husband and works with clients across the globe. She also teaches yoga, meditation, and mindfulness to survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. Find her on: TwitterInstagramLinkedIn, and Facebook.

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