Embracing the What Ifs: The Fear That Fuels My Writing

by Amanda Speights

I first fell in love with books when I read Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell in Mrs. Arter’s fourth-grade class. The idea of becoming an author, though, didn’t occur to me as something I could—or even wanted—to do, until my teen years.

My late husband believed in my writing ability so much that he bought me an electric typewriter. I spent countless hours attempting to write a bestseller; however, the only thing I truly managed to master was typing.

Then, in 2021, at the age of 44, I decided I didn’t want to leave this world without knowing what it would have been like to write a book—even just one. So, I joined a local writing group and started writing. Along the way, I submitted chapters to a critique group, read books, watched YouTube videos, and took classes.

At first, I thought my story would be a sweet romance. But as I spent more time with my craft, I felt a shift—a call to spice things up. I left the writing group, since it was a Christian organization, and began working on spicy historical romance instead.

Writing has become so much more than a creative outlet for me. It feels like there are stories within me, just waiting to be set free—and I am the conduit to release them.

Initially, I thought that writing one book would be enough to satisfy my desire to be an author. But I was wrong. That single book only fueled the fire. Now the “what ifs” keep me writing, always pushing me forward.

I’ve heard older people talk about their regrets, and it always saddens me. We only get one life, and we should live it to the fullest. I’ve realized that many of these regrets stem from our own insecurities, and that’s something I’m determined not to let hold me back.

So, I’m facing my fears head-on and choosing to pursue my passion: writing stories set in the 1800s American West. Why the 1800s American West? Maybe I lived it in a past life—who knows? But I do know that it was a much simpler, quieter time, and that speaks to me on a deep level.

The issues of today—women’s rights, abortion, domestic violence, and racism—were also issues in the nineteenth century. These are the themes that drive me to keep writing. I want to weave these stories into my work to connect with my readers. I want them to know that I see them. I am them. And the women of the nineteenth century—they are them, too.

What I love most about books, aside from learning, is the escape they offer. We can journey to different countries, planets, worlds, and times. I feel called to write stories readers can escape into. It’s a fulfilling calling, and I’m so grateful that I answered it.

Of course, writing has its ups and downs. Some days I’m typing with a big grin on my face. Other days, I have to force myself to sit down and write. One thing I’ve learned is that motivation only takes you so far. You must be committed to getting the job done. Honestly, I could probably work on a single story, tweaking it endlessly, but eventually, you must embrace the idea that “done is better than perfect.” That’s when I schedule my editor. Having a deadline pushes me to stop procrastinating and get to work. After all, it’s unprofessional to not deliver on time.

Writing isn’t glamorous. You’ll find me typing away in a robe and messy bun, with dishes in the sink and my family eating takeout. I have no time for anything other than finishing my story. But in the end, it’s worth every moment of hustle.

I consider Sandra Dallas a huge influence. As I read The Last Midwife back in 2021, I remember thinking, “I want to write like this.” So, I started deconstructing her work to improve my own writing. And although I don’t write Christian fiction, I’ve also been inspired by Janette Oke, whom I’ve read many times over the years. It was reading Oke’s books that originally sparked the desire to write historical fiction of my own.

Both women write about the harsh realities of life during the times their stories are set in, which has influenced my style, character development, and approach to storytelling. They inspire me to grow as a writer while helping me find and refine my own voice.

I recently saw a post on social media stating writer’s block isn’t real. I disagree. Of course, I’m a “plantser” (a mix of plotting and pantsing), so maybe that’s why I feel this way. But I believe writer’s block is part of the process, and working through it teaches resilience and creative flexibility. When I hit a block, I often skip ahead and write different scenes. It helps keep the momentum going.

Upon reflection, I’m grateful to my past self for having the courage to step over my fears and write the stories that need to be told. My journey as an author—though still in its early stages—has been so rewarding.

For me, writing is more than just a choice; it’s a commitment to myself, my stories, and my readers.

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Amanda is a historical fiction author who combines her love of daydreaming and reading to create stories set in the 1800s American West, featuring strong female characters. She lives at the foot of America’s Mountain with her husband and young daughter, and has a grown son living in Michigan with his family. Outside of writing, Amanda enjoys connecting with readers on TikTok and BlueSky (@amandaspeights) and through her newsletter at www.amandaspeights.com.

LOVE’S ARRIVAL

In 1872, life can change as unexpectedly as the prairie winds.

All her life, Livvie McLain has dreamed of the kind of love she read about in her grandparents’ letters written to each other while courting. Nevertheless, she believes her mother’s prophecy—she wasn’t born with that kind of fortune. When she falls for the ruggedly handsome and witty cowboy, Justus Bennett, Livvie finds herself in a dreadful predicament. She believes he must be too good to be true and she is unworthy.

Justus has spent the past six years consumed in the affairs of his inherited family ranch; the same ranch he once ran away from, vowing he would never return. Now, he’s ready for a love to share his home and livelihood with, but his prospects of finding her are slim to none. When Olivia Palmer, a.k.a. Livvie McLain, tumbles into his life, he knows he’s found the one with whom he wants to spend his life.

However, Livvie’s own web of secrets, including the man Livvie dared to escape, is threatening to destroy their chance at a future together.

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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing