Five Things Grief Taught me about Writing

Five Things Grief Taught me about Writing

When grief hits you, it brings along with it a plethora of emotions. Someone, a well-intentioned person, said to me the other day, “Grief goes away in some time. You should write a book on happiness.” I smiled, “I am glad you have theoretical knowledge, not the practical experience of loss.”

Grief is humbling and disrupting. And it has a mind of its own. You can’t dictate grief or creativity. They work together as creativity can be a great tool for coping with grief. But they also act as disgruntled lovers as many grievers complain about lack of desire or a complete writer’s block when grief consumes them.

Let go of self-consciousness

At first when loss strikes, grief steals our creativity and depletes us on a cellular level. If, like me, you are/were a caregiver, it takes months to fill the vacuum or even feel rested. Don’t beat yourself up if you lack the motivation to write. Even more importantly, don’t apologize for your vulnerability. When I wrote about the gut-wrenching reality of losing my father—my only parent alive, my confidante, my critic, my safe space, and my fellow dessert and chai fan … strangers bestowed so much kindness on me.

Mental health practitioner friends and colleagues said that my stories gave them the permission to openly grieve their deceased loved ones. I, never once, felt that random people were intruding by reading articles upon articles about my deep and personal sorrow. So, write what you want to write to heal. But if you don’t write, it doesn’t make you any less of a writer. Creative juices find their way to you when you are ready.

Slowing down is productive

Anyone can over-caffeinate themselves and binge-write to evade their aches and pain. Anyone can pour themselves that fifth glass of whiskey or wine and complete a book deadline while denying themselves the harshness of loss. But what’s the point? These strategies aren’t sustainable. Creating from a place of anxiety will ultimately impact your mental and physical wellbeing. Ignoring your healing will eventually catch up with you. Take the time you need to rest, grieve, and heal. I didn’t start to think about my latest book, THE LOSS THAT BINDS US: 108 Tips on Coping with Grief and Loss  (April 2nd, 2024), until my dad’s one-month death anniversary. I took the month of June to do inner work and face my harsh reality of being parentless. I had a cathartic release of emotions in writing this book because I was trying to understand the many faces of grief. 

It makes the words authentic

When my editor read the first draft of my novel, Louisiana Catch(April 2018), she suggested I write a hospital scene about the female protagonist’s Mom’s death. Ahana, the female lead in Louisiana Catch, was too emotionally dependent on her mother and lived in her shadow. While I couldn’t relate to Ahana’s personality, I could identify with the pain of losing her mother. It wasn’t easy revisiting that dark space of loss, but the scene turned out moving and believable because every cell in my body personally knew what the suddenness of a parent’s hospitalization followed by death feels like.

Helps renew your purpose

My father and I talked about everything in the world. He wanted me to write a book about normalizing grief. While grief is an unavoidable human experience, very little is said or written about it. People avoid it like it’s contagious. There is shame, superstition, and taboo around it. In wanting to keep my dad’s wish alive, I wrote THE LOSS THAT BINDS US: 108 Tips on Coping with Grief and Loss. But I didn’t sit down to complete a creative project; I found a way to keep Dad’s memories alive and continue my own healing in the process. It turned out to be a book filled with 108 tips to help people navigate grief as there were no grief manuals handy when I needed them.

Writing enhances your healing

You can’t share 100% of what you think with anyone after you lose a loved one … no matter how much they love you, or you trust them. There are tons of creative options for dealing with grief and loss. But when I didn’t have the energy to think, an Instagram post or Facebook update or note to self, felt like a safe outlet. I am an external processor, which means I talk and write social media posts about death, loss, and the impact of becoming an orphan in my 40s.

Not only had I lost my father, but I had also lost my identity after his death. I became a writer and an avid reader because of my dad. I got involved in social justice and women’s issues because he taught me that no society can progress if we only think about ourselves. I got interested in poetry and Vedic texts because we discussed them throughout my life. The more I wrote, the more acutely aware I became about my feelings and needs. I took steps to prioritize self-care.

Everyone’s relationship with grief and creativity is unique. But I have learned that it helps to carry a notebook or use the Notes function on your phone. The minute you are inspired or inundated with an overwhelming thought, write about it.

“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” ~ Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

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THE LOSS THAT BINDS US

Follow a Trail Blazed Through Grief’s LandscapeThe Loss That Binds Us is a beautifully written grief manual from the heart. When the agony of losing a loved one strikes, you will find solace, comfort and even inspiration within it. The 108 practical tips therein help navigate the multitude of emotions brought on by loss. Let Sweta’s guidance help begin your own healing or support someone who is grieving. The Loss That Binds Us looks at grief in its various facets and helps you identify what you are experiencing. Following her own journey through the grief of losing her parents, Sweta helps you acknowledge, understand and accept what you may be experiencing. An intentional, insightful, deep, raw, sometimes funny and always real, The Loss That Binds Us is the resource you will turn to if you are experiencing loss; the one book you’ll want to keep by your side as a trusted ally.

“If you are experiencing the loss of a loved one, or the loss of love in your own heart, pick up this read and dive in. You will emerge with a sense of priceless wholeness that we all gravely need in this modern life, bereft of the fabric of community that has long been our human right.” Victor Briere, Ayurvedic Doctor

“Vikram sheds light on the various stages of grief, emphasizing emotional and mental wellbeing. The Loss That Binds Us provides readers with practical suggestions to cope with, embrace and live through grief.” Inder Kalra, M.D.

“The Loss That Binds Us provides concrete and realistic tools and tips for grievers at any stage in their journey. Sweta’s ability to interweave education about grief with her own lived experience demonstrates the power our cultures and communities have in learning to live with grief.” Shelby Remillard, LMHC, Senior Therapist and Assistant Clinical Director, Steady NYC

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Category: How To and Tips