How To Handle Being Hit With Deconstructive Criticism

The Wrecking Ball
How to handle being hit with deconstructive criticism

By Susan K. Hamilton

I jumped onto my Twitter feed recently and a Tweet slapped me in the face. It was from a woman—an aspiring writer—who tweeted that she felt “so broken” because her father had just told her to give up writing, that it was useless, and that “her book would never get recognized anyway.”

He took a big, fat verbal wrecking ball to her dreams.

It made me furious.

It is entirely possible that this woman may never be a published author, but she could also very well be the next J.K. Rowling, Stephen King, Agatha Christie, or James Patterson. But now, after her father’s callous assessment, we may never know. We may never have the chance to read her story, and that’s tragic.

This woman, however, isn’t the only one who has run head-on into the oncoming train we know as deconstructive criticism.

Let’s just take a step back and a deep breath. The word “criticism” can make just about anyone break out in a cold sweat, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be bad. When criticism is thoughtful and measured, it can give you some important and valuable insights. You can see things from someone else’s perspective, find ways to improve, and make your work even better. That is constructive criticism at its very best.

When people just point out faults and mistakes (i.e., “You suck!” “This is awful!”) without any kind of suggestion for improvement, that’s deconstructive criticism. And when you are on the receiving end of that it, well, it sucks.

But if you want to be a writer, you’re going to need to find ways to navigate through these tricky and sometimes uncomfortable situations. Here are a few tips on how to navigate through dealing with criticism:

Everyone has an opinion

Not everyone is going to love your stuff. And that’s okay.

Think about Picasso’s famous painting, The Kiss. Some people will look at that and find it beautiful and intriguing. Others will look at it and think it’s ugly and off-putting. Art is subjective and no two people will experience it the same way. The same goes for writing (which is also art): One person might think your story is the most epic adventure they’ve ever laid eyes on. The person two seats away from them on the subway might think the pace is horribly slow and predictable. And you’ve probably felt the same way. Have you ever read a book that everyone is raving about and thought, “why are they so excited over this?”

The same goes for reader reviews (tip: don’t obsess over them). They’re meant more for other readers, and again, they are just opinions. If Reader A loved the twists in your plot but Reader B thought your plot was pedestrian, who is right? Neither and both because it is their opinion. And if Reader B gave you a two-star review, don’t fixate on it. I’ll say it again: it is just one single person’s opinion.

Ask yourself: is this critique useful?

When you get a critique, think about who it is coming from. An experienced editor? That’s probably useful stuff for you to consider. But criticism from a casual reader probably doesn’t have the same value (see the above section about opinions).

So how do you know if criticism is useful? One way is to look for trends. If the same criticism is being mentioned by multiple people, then it is probably something you should think about. Be wary, however, of critiques that are extremely specific and tell you exactly how to fix something. (Author Neil Gaiman has some great writing advice about this here, check it out.)

Don’t take it personally

Easier said than done but give it the old college try. Remember that critiques are about your writing, not about you as an individual person. At least they are supposed to be—unfortunately, sometimes you will run into a troll who does make it personal. That individual is not worth listening to or stressing over. Try to ignore it and move on—and for the love of everything good, don’t respond to them. Remember: never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it. Don’t give the troll the satisfaction of knowing they got under your skin.

Talk to other writers

Hopefully, you have a writing community that you interact with either in person or online. If not, find one—that’s your tribe, right there. There are a lot of benefits, but a trusted group of fellow writers can help if you’ve received feedback you’re wrestling with. Talk to your writing community. Let them know how you’re feeling and ask for advice. Chances are, several of them have been in the exact same position – so they are uniquely positioned to understand how you feel and give you good, objective advice.

Be kind to yourself

When you’re on the receiving end of a tough critique, it can be easy to beat yourself up, doubt yourself, and wonder if you really are a terrible writer. Try to remember that every writer has opportunities to improve, even the famous ones. You are not a terrible writer, and if you take the valuable, constructive criticism and use it as a tool, your future work will be even better.

And don’t lose sight of the praise you’ve received. I guarantee that someone has said something positive, kind, or encouraging about your work. When you get hit with the negative stuff, remind yourself of the good things that have been said as well. Find a balance.

Keep calm and write on!

You’re a writer. Go write. But if you’re going to write, eventually you’re going to have to deal with critics and you’re going to have to figure out how to handle them.

I say keep writing no matter what. Write your story to the best of your ability. Will people have opinions about it? Heck, yes. But in the end, it is your story to tell, and only you know the best way to tell it. What matters is that you’re happy with the final story, that you feel you’ve done your very best. That’s really the only opinion that truly matters.

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Category: Contemporary Women Writers, How To and Tips