Laila Ibrahim On Writing AFTER THE RAIN

AFTER THE RAIN

Story behind the story

Laila Ibrahim

I was inspired to write this book after seeing protesters at a marriage equality rally in the late 1990s. I was struck by the group of teens and parents holding up signs declaring marriage should only be between a man and a woman. I imagined they were there in service of their deepest values and they believed they were sending a life saving message. Ironically I was there with my wife and children, on the opposite side, standing up for my highest values, wanting to save lives emotionally and physically.

At that rally in San Francisco I didn’t want to argue, but I wanted to open their minds and hearts to the possible harm they were doing. I wished I had a piece of paper that said, “What if you are condemning your own brother, cousin, nephew, or child? We are all gifts from God. Gay teens are four times more likely to attempt suicide than their straight peers.”

In 2014 when I was considering a second novel, I remembered that moment and this story unfolded. I appreciated the opportunity to consider this issue from an entirely different point of view than my own. It allowed me to broaden my mind and grow respect for a culture that I had been taught to disrespect. I had to do for Jenn and her family the exact same thing I want someone like her to do for me.

Before I wrote this novel I believed conversion therapy was something that was done to teens and young adults by their parents. In my mind the teens were the victims of ignorant and bigoted parents. I hadn’t considered the emotional and spiritual damage that was being done to parents by their very own churches, the institution they rely on for moral leadership.

Since then I’ve learned:

—Many of the leaders of the conversion therapy movement were and are LGBT+ people pretending they had been cured because they were so desperate for that to be true.

—Some parents are/were being told by their ministers—trusted authorities in their lives—that it’s their fault their children have same-sex attractions.

—Many of the teens go to conversion therapy voluntarily, desperately believing in and praying for a cure.

Like most things there’s a range of feelings depending on the situation. I had expected to hear stories of anger towards parents and there certainly are many people who have walked away from a relationship with their parents altogether. I hadn’t expected to talk to people who felt protective of their parents, but I did.

Many of the people I’ve talked to about it have very complex and convoluted feelings about their adolescent coming out experiences. Their parents did very hurtful things to them, when they were in a very vulnerable place, but they understand that their parents were doing it out of love. If they’ve worked through the issues and the parents have come to a place of acceptance, the parents often feel very guilty. The LGBT+ person wants to both be honest about the pain, and find a way to have a strong connection now despite the pain in the past. It’s an emotionally complicated situation, and can also be a beautiful example of offering grace and forgiveness.

Updating this book in 2024 has been an interesting process. My editor at Storm Publishing, Claire Bord, asked if I’d be willing to write some scenes from Josh and Sarah’s points of view. Soon after I’d finished writing LIVING RIGHT way back when I’d thought it would have been interesting to have their points of view in the story, so I jumped at the chance to make that revision in AFTER THE RAIN. I’m glad I did.  It really deepens the tensions and I think it makes Jenn more likable since her children love her so much.

With all my novels I carefully consider what language to use to write authentic stories about systemic oppression without being insensitive. For this one I had to think long and hard about using the f-word and the word transvestite.

I chose to use the f-word because it was terribly common at that time, and it was particularly heartbreaking that Jenn is entirely unaware that she was hurting her son with her ignorance. Likewise I describe Oh-Rinda as a transvestite, a word Jenn would use, even though now I would use the term Drag Queen—but that is not a term Jenn would use in 2004. And perhaps it is a word that will not be used in ten years. Language evolves.

Many people have told me they “just don’t like Jenn,” including some dear friends. I try not to take it too personally. I don’t know if they realize that Jenn and I are very, very similar—it’s just that her certainty is about values I don’t share. She loves her children deeply and has built her life around them. She’s scared she is losing them as they march toward adulthood and don’t need her like they used to. At the start of the novel she has a very narrow view of what it means to be a good mother. I find it impressive she could make such a huge shift in her core values in only five months, though she is infuriating along the way.

We live in a time of deep polarization and disrespect. I hope this story does something to open hearts and minds so that we may have more compassion and grace for ourselves and one another.

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