My Writing Journey: Saz Vora
I’ve wanted to write this story for a long time, it will be twenty-eight years since it began. The prequel is part of the two novels in the University Series – Reena and Nikesh, Book One My Heart Sings Your Song was released in January of this year. It is a romance with references to music, Bollywood films and a coming of age story with trails and tribulation of a British Asian couple who meet at university. My second novel Where Have We Come is a family drama, about the same couple later and their experience of having a disabled child. Book Two will be released on all eBook platforms on March 8th, 2020.
A warning, there are spoilers in this article. It is the story of our first-born son who lived but didn’t survive, he had too many physical issues, and we made a decision that many parents dread. The first couple of years after his death, I buried my feelings. I have always felt sad in January to March, and I put it down to living in the unique weather bubble that is England.
Two years after his birth, we had a healthy baby boy, and three years later another. January become a time of celebration; all my children are born in January. Work, motherhood, life, in general, took me to new levels. I held down a successful, but stressful job working for BBC News and Current Affairs, my children were happy and healthy, my husband became ill, and we persevered.
As the year’s passed, I heard about other women who also dealt with issues of depression, anxiety and guilt. Yes, guilt, any woman who has had a sick child knows of the blame. The what if I did this, what if I did that, and is it my fault? My mind went into overdrive, and every year at the same time, the thoughts kept flooding back, that it was all my fault. That we should have done things differently.
In 2006, we were given the news that my father was diagnosed with bone cancer. I grieved for my father, but I mourned for our son. I joined a creative writing group, and the novel poured out of me, I remembered every comment, every incident in vivid colour, the feeling of inadequacy, the search for a miracle to prolong his life. Again, life got in the way, my parents needed support.
In late 2016, I suffered from my first panic attack, and it left me shattered. I am known for my can-do attitude, had retrained to be a teacher and enjoyed seeing my students make good progress and grow into confident young adults. I couldn’t do it anymore; I couldn’t step into the classroom again.
I started counselling again, I had tried it before, it was something that was given to us when we lost our child. Things have moved on in the talk therapy world, it was very different from my first session in the ‘90s. The counsellor told me to go back to my novel, perhaps rereading it would help me move on, deal with the loss of our son and the loss of my father.
So that is when my novels, My Heart Sings Your Song and Where Have We Come became a reality.
Well, almost, I researched and read books to gauge the market, did I want to write a self-help book, should I write a blog, should I submit an article to tell people of my experience. Then I came across a group of writers Cecilia Ahern and Jojo Moyes, to name a few, who didn’t always write the typical tale of happy ever after.
I read their books into the late hours of the night. My husband complained of my addiction to reading. I read books published by South Asian authors, many with experiences that resonated with me, but none that I could identify with. I grew up in England, I straddle both cultures, I’m a British Asian, foremost. My Gujarati background is the icing on the cake.
My parents didn’t once blame me for our child’s illness. Many others did, my reluctance to follow the rituals, customs, beliefs, anything to beat me with, to justify their anger at the life of our child. What annoyed me most as I was researching was that more than twenty years after my experience, women were still being subjected to the same superstitions and customs in Britain. Women my age, telling daughters and female relatives that their child was disabled because of what they had or hadn’t done.
The next stage of my research was self-publishing or the traditional route. I sent a couple of chapters and an outline to people and received favourable comments encouraging me to write it. The book became a monster, both in its desire to be fed and its size. I edited scenes out, created chapters and asked people to help structure the story.
My journey isn’t typical, I decided I would self-publish, while I waited for my readers to get back to me with comments and alterations. I learnt the business of publishing, the drafting, the formatting, the editing, publishing and distribution. I chose to have all the processes in my hand, after all, it is my story. My only aim is to tell people that they are not alone, then I have done my job.
What’s next for me, I have more stories that I want to tell, stories about multicultural Britain, about friendships that grow regardless of background. I want my stories to be read by a broader readership, not just South Asian readers. The University Series that I’m planning are six books in total, dealing with issues, such as bereavement, depression, disability, cancer, infertility, caste, interfaith relationships, infidelity, divorce, homosexuality, sex before marriage, topics that are still taboo in the community. I want to open up discussion in the community and beyond to discuss these topics honestly without repercussion, to allow women to express their voices.
In terms of the novel itself, Where Have We Come is based on our experience as new parents. It is a tale of how parents in our situation dealt with the birth and subsequent diagnosis. The support we received from friends and family. The prejudices and superstitions that came with the territory in all communities. It is a tale of two people, from different background and who sought help the only way they knew how.
I feel that writing my book has eased the guilt and anxiety. If I can do so can anyone else, encourage others to go find your voice.
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Saz Vora was born in East Africa and migrated with her family to England in the 60’s to the Midlands where she grew up straddling British and Gujarati Indian culture.
Before she started writing South Asian romance, she held down successful jobs in Television Production and Teaching. But her need to write stories about the trial and tribulations of life has led to what she is doing now –writing.
She lives in London, England with her husband in an empty house as her two beautiful sons have began their own life journey. MY HEART SINGS YOUR SONG and WHERE HAVE WE COME is a story in two parts of love, loss, family and destiny.
Facebook: www.facebook.com/saz.vora
Instagram: www.instagram.com/sazvora
Twitter: www.twitter.com/SazVora.
Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing
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