NOT A POSTER CHILD: LIVING WELL WITH A DISABILITY

Sticky Wicket Memoir Francine Falk-Allen, author of Not a Poster Child: Living Well with a Disability – A Memoir (named to Kirkus Reviews’ Best Books of 2018)

Writing a memoir about tough experiences is particularly challenging. We may expose other’s foibles, the topic may be considered dated, or it may represent an issue some would rather ignore.

I didn’t think of these aspects when I started my memoir recounting my experience of having polio (as little more than a toddler) and living with residual lifetime paralysis.  I only intended to get my earliest memories down before I began to forget them, and then the chronology of my handicapped life tumbled out on page after page.

Right away, I was embroiled in the conflicted relationship with my mother. My first memory was of being left in the back yard alone with planes flying low overhead, causing me to hide under stairs I was too small to climb.

Mother confirmed that this was at the age of two, at a much later kitchen table tete-a-tete, and while Mother smoked and stared out the window, I silently mused over what it meant to leave a two-year-old outside alone. There were also the wooden paddle spankings, first when I was too young to have yet done anything serious, and later even though I was a disabled child.

How could I convey, even long after her death, that I loved my mother completely but also didn’t trust her?  How would I tell the world that she worked hard to make sure I walked again, but thought strict discipline, not gentle compassion, was the method I would need in order to walk the straight and narrow path she envisioned for me? One editor said to me, “I caution you against mother-bashing.” I made an effort to sprinkle in the tender moments we shared and let Mother unveil who she was with her words and actions.

And then there was disability itself. Who wants to hear about difficulty that may seem pathetic—or hopeless in its lack of a complete cure? As it turns out, people who are curious, people who face new limitations themselves, history buffs, or women interested in others’ lives, to name a few, were eager to read this book. One of my girlfriends had said to me, “Who’s going to want to read a book about polio? That’s been over for decades.” But not for those who survived it with lifelong effects, or for their relatives, and not for Africans and Pakistanis who are still at risk for polio; not for countries with young polio patients where eradication is recent, and not for believers in science, who promote vaccines.

Another author asked me, “What’s your angle?” Huh! My angle. Well, I thought, I guess my angle would be “I’m lifting a veil on living with a lifelong disability, especially as a woman.” Or, “This is how to live well (sometimes with cheeky humor, sometimes despite discrimination) though every step is difficult.” I tried to combine all that, which prompted my eventual subtitle: “Living Well with a Disability.” I wanted to convey a sense of inspiration and hope… that even disabled people have fun, could love, could be happy— even stronger and more optimistic than some “normies” (able-bodied people).

I also had to tackle the occasional subdued anger I felt at how I was treated from time to time, and determine how to not “accuse” the reader (having realized that most people who would be interested in the book were probably compassionate, considerate folks). I handled this by simply relating my experiences just as they occurred, and people would have their own responses or judgements, rather than trying to elicit responsibility. I’d say, “I find that those most likely to hold the door open at Starbucks, when they see me coming with a crutch in one hand and a computer case in the other, are young women and men. Less likely are men in their 50’s, who seem to be more preoccupied.” I tried to give people the benefit of doubt while telling the truth from my perspective.

Then, there was the anger I feel at my situation when no one is there, or when my husband is the one who has to hear me swear in pain. Tripping, losing my balance, having to take off the “apparati” I wear and put it back on again, consuming time and making me late, all these things irritate me. Telling the details of what I have to do to function daily felt a bit tedious, so a little humor or facetiousness came in handy: “…try walking around with one bare foot and a two-inch heel on the other foot for a little gimpy fun.” Yes, a little sarcastic, but I think it conveyed my reality without self-pity.

I thought all of this burdensome sticky wicket stuff would cause the book to be neglected, ignored, criticized—but it turns out that being authentic, re-writing something eighteen times, and hiring a good editor to sift out the chaff can produce a book described by professionals as “bold, charming and inspirational,” and universally relatable.

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Authors Susan Burrowes, Vanya Erickson and Francine Falk-Allen, all finalists for best book 2018 awards, will present a memoir panel entitled “Writing the Hard Stuff,” moderated by She Writes Press publisher, Brooke Warner, at the Bay Area Book Festival, Saturday, May 4, 2019, 10:00am, Shattuck Hotel, 2086 Allston Way, Berkeley, CA.

https://www.FrancineFalk-Allen.com  Facebook: Francine Falk-Allen, Author

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Francine Falk-Allen was born in Los Angeles but has lived most of her life in northern California, currently San Rafael.  She has always craved creative outlets, taking the forms of singing and recording with various groups, painting, and writing songs, poetry and essays.  Falk-Allen facilitates a polio survivors’ group in Marin County, and also a Meetup writing group, Just Write Marin County.

She was the polio representative interviewed in a PBS/Nobel Prize Media film, The War Against Microbes. She received the Kirkus Reviews star for excellence in writing in 2018, which also included her memoir in Best Books of 2018, placing it in the top three percent of indie 2018 books reviewed by Kirkus.  Not a Poster Child is also a finalist for Sarton Women’s Book Award for 2018 memoir, and was on BuzzFeed’s and PopSugar’s best books lists for 2018.  She loves movies, pool exercise, the outdoors, lots of British tea and a little champagne now and then.

NOT A POSTER CHILD

Kirkus Reviews‘ Best Books of 2018
2018 Sarton Women’s Book Awards finalist in Memoir

Francine Falk-Allen was only three years old when she contracted polio and temporarily lost the ability to stand and walk. Here, she tells the story of how a toddler learned grown-up lessons too soon; a schoolgirl tried her best to be a “normie,” on into young adulthood; and a woman finally found her balance, physically and spiritually.

In lucid, dryly humorous prose, she also explores how her disability has affected her choices in living a fulfilling (and amusing) life in every area—relationships, career, religion (or not), athleticism, artistic expression, and aging, to name a few. A clear-eyed examination of living with a handicap, Not a Poster Child is one woman’s story of finding her way to a balanced life—one with a little cheekiness and a lot of joy.

 

 

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing