On How Writing “The Lion Tamer Who Lost ” Opened My Eyes A Little Wider…

I recently got the advance proof of my fourth novel, The Lion Tamer Who Lost. It was just as thrilling to hold it in my trembling hand as when I received my debut book, and my second one, and even my third. Perhaps more exciting in many ways. Because this one had been a slog. A good slog. An emotional slog. An eye-opening slog.

I proudly showed my new and bright red book, with its distinctive and simple image of a Wish Box on the cover, to anyone who was interested. To my husband (‘Yeah, yeah, that’s nice’) and my daughter (‘If you’re lucky, I might read the first chapter’) and people at work (‘That is so cool!’) and my neighbour (‘Is it anything like your first one cos that’s the only one I liked?’)

I also showed it to my dad. I don’t see him very often. We have a history. I didn’t see him for twenty-six years so it’s not the conventional loving dad/doting daughter thing. He turned the book over, nodded his mild approval, and read the blurb. He handed it back to me then and said he wouldn’t read ‘such perversion.’ Stunned, I said softly, ‘So don’t read it then.’

When I first wrote The Lion Tamer Who Lost back in 2010, it was the intense love story of large-age-gap couple, Ben and Amy. Something tragic happens, they split, and Ben goes to volunteer at a lion sanctuary in Zimbabwe while Amy’s children’s book is published to great acclaim and success. A beta reader said to me, ‘Are you aware that Ben is gay?’ I was a little stunned. I hadn’t been. But I realised he was; I just hadn’t known it. My lovely Ben now had way bigger problems.

So, with the biggest rewrite ever, Amy became Andrew, and the novel took on a whole new depth. Ben’s bigoted father now had the chance to fully voice his prejudices, and oh, does he do so. The main relationship now faced abuse on a bus and in a circus. Ben now had to keep it secret from his dad. And he could not be affectionate with the love of his life in public. Not snuggle up to him on a bus. Not hold his hand in the street.

A recent BBC survey of 5000 LGBT people found that more than half of gay men in Britain do not feel comfortable holding hands with a partner in the street. When I was rewriting the book, I asked a close gay friend of mine, someone in a long-term relationship, if he would hold hands with his fiancé in Asda. (Asda seemed the most mundane and everyday place to me, if that seems a weird choice of location. Asda is somewhere, for example, that I wouldn’t think twice about holding hands with my husband.) My friend didn’t answer right away; he thought about it and said probably not because people still stare and tut disapprovingly.

I realised how lucky I am. That it’s something I don’t even have to think twice about. I realised also that as a straight woman, I’ve never had to come out. To announce who I am sexually. It was simple expected as a grew up that I’d be straight. Nothing to declare.

So I found the rewrites to be pretty enlightening. The biggest eye-opener was that I had to change very little about Amy when she became Andrew. Her words, actions, responses and personality easily metamorphised into his. The love between Ben and Amy was also exactly the same when it was between Ben and Andrew. They kissed the same way, fought the same way, went on dates the same way, and supported one another through life’s challenges the same way. It was the other characters who changed. It was the world around them that changed.

And that kind of made me cry.

Since the book has been available to advance readers as a proof copy, I’ve had the most incredible feedback. The most powerful messages. I’ve lent my copy to friends. One reader told me in confidence that he never talked about his sexuality to people, that only his close family knew. That the book made him revaluate. That maybe it was time to talk about it. I don’t think a single rave review could make me feel better that that emotional admission did.

My dad may not want to read it. But that only makes me prouder of it in many ways. Only makes me happier that I finally saw Ben for who he really was and gave him the story he deserved to have.

—

Louise has been writing since she could hold a pen. It’s where she escapes, finds adventure and therapy. But it took ten years, four novels, thousands of rejections, and a few tears to finally get a book deal. Orenda Books published How to be Brave in 2015, and it was a Guardian Readers’ Pick. Second book, The Mountain in my Shoe, came out in 2016. And third novel, Maria in the Moon, was released in 2017, and was a ‘must read’ in a variety of Sunday newspapers and monthly magazines. The Lion Tamer Who Lost is out now in eBook. Louise is working on novels five and six.

www.louisebeech.co.uk

About THE LION TAMER WHO LOST

Be careful what you wish for…

Long ago, Andrew made a childhood wish, and kept it in a silver box. When it finally comes true, he wishes it hadn’t…

Long ago, Ben made a promise and he had a dream: to travel to Africa to volunteer at a lion reserve. When he finally makes it, it isn’t for the reasons he imagined…
Ben and Andrew keep meeting in unexpected places, and the intense relationship that develops seems to be guided by fate. Or is it?
What if the very thing that draws them together is tainted by past secrets that threaten everything?
A dark, consuming drama that shifts from Zimbabwe to England, and then back into the past, The Lion Tamer Who Lost is also a devastatingly beautiful love story … with a tragic heart.

’ A stirring novel, beautifully written, reminiscent of the early work of Maggie O’Farrell’ Irish Times
‘Quirky, darkly comic, heartfelt and original’ Sunday Mirror
‘This achingly sad story has wonderful characters, including the spiky, sweary Catherine’ Sunday People
‘A beautiful and compassionate read’ Prima
‘Fans of Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine will love it’ Red

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing