On Writing ALL I KNOW

When I started writing All I Know, I did not intend to focus on psychology. I set out to write a coming-of-age love story that was complicated and real, and I certainly hope I did that. Yet as a psychotherapist, mental health issues are always on my mind, so they were bound to show up in my novel as well.

As I created the Martin and Tyler families, it became increasingly important for me to honestly and authentically represent their struggles with depression, addiction, grief and trauma. So many people feel ashamed for having these issues. They judge themselves to be weak or broken, and they feel alone in their adversity. At least part of their self-judgment is exacerbated by fictional characters who perpetuate false stereotypes. I see the costs of these stigmas when people resist getting treatment, or when they come to therapy yet still struggle to open up to others about what they are going through, continuing the cycle of shame, hopelessness, loneliness and isolation.

I wanted All I Know to provide the opposite experience. My goal became to provide a complex, messy, realistic story about what it’s like to face mental health challenges, and what it’s like to love someone who is struggling in those ways. If a depressed person recognizes themself in Kade and feels empathy for him, then perhaps it will help them cultivate compassion for themself as well, maybe remind them that they are not alone in that experience. If Kai’s journey resonates with someone who is feeling lost, then perhaps they will learn something from her journey too.

Other authors have done this brilliantly, and I have tried to emulate their respectful and accurate approach. Wally Lamb painted a picture of what a life with schizophrenia might look like in I Know This Much is True, how that condition effects both the person with the disorder and the people who love and try to care for that person.

Celeste Ng’s Everything I Never Told You is a heartbreaking portrait of depression and suicide and how devastating that can be for all involved. The Last Confession of Sylvia P. by Lee Kravetz is another tragically beautiful depiction of depression. Mary Beth Keane’s Ask Again, Yes portrays addiction and codependent family patterns and how they carry forward generationally. More recently, Barbara Kingsolver’s Demon Copperhead illustrates similar themes.

I think there are two key elements to doing this well. First, it is important to know what you’re talking about. I have a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from Santa Clara University and have worked with hundreds of clients over a dozen years on exactly the issues I write about in All I Know. I am not an expert in schizophrenia or autism, so I did not write about those challenges. I wrote about the things in which I have expertise and experience.

Finally, it is vitally important to me that any story about mental health challenges cultivates hope, inspiration and empowerment. People often ask me how I can be around so much pain and suffering in my work as a therapist, but that is another part of the false stigma about mental health. What is so much more powerful than the adversity my clients face is the infinite human capacity to overcome those adversities. I am endlessly inspired by my clients’ strength, courage and resilience, and I wanted to honor their efforts by depicting them authentically. I love my job as a therapist because I am immersed daily in all of the hardship and sadness and beauty and hope that are part of life, and I hope I’ve written a story that reflects all of that as well.

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Holly LaBarbera received her MA in counseling psychology from Santa Clara University, where she currently teaches as an adjunct professor. She also runs her own psychotherapy practice. All I Know is her debut novel. She was born in Hawaii, grew up in New York, and currently lives outside of San Francisco, California.

ALL I KNOW

Despite childhood trauma and tragedy, Kai Martin has never given up, rising from devastation to rebuild her life over and over again, in this inspiring story of strength and resilience.

Kai sees her life as a series of concentric circles—her twin brother Kade occupying the center sphere with her, their parents surrounding them in the next, and the Tyler family in the outer loop, a connection Kai plans to make official by someday marrying Josh Tyler. The Martins and Tylers share memorable times together, but under the surface, they are two dysfunctional families struggling with alcoholism, depression, and abuse, all of which leads to a horrifying event that knocks Kai off her axis and makes her doubt everything she thought she knew.

Josh is there through it all, and Kai eventually gets the romance she dreamed of, embarking on a life of travel and adventure with the boy she always loved. Yet reality is more complicated than any childhood fantasy, and when painful family patterns are reenacted between them, Kai must decide how much of herself she is willing to sacrifice for Josh.

Ultimately, Kai must confront the heartbreaking truth that as much as we try to help the people we love, we can only truly save ourselves.

BUY HERE

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Category: On Writing