On Writing “Choosing Survival: How I Endured a Brutal Attack and a Lifetime of Trauma through the Power of Action, Choice, and Self-Expression.”
On Writing “Choosing Survival: How I Endured a Brutal Attack and a Lifetime of Trauma through the Power of Action, Choice, and Self-Expression.”
By Lynn F Forney
We all have a story to tell, for that I am certain. Mine began as a somewhat flippant comment when I would start to explain the details of the attack I endured in May of 1998. While delving into much of what happened with various people, I often found myself saying, “It’s all just so crazy, I should write a book.”
Deep down, I meant it, but I was never certain I would actually sit down and write it. Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t try to start right away. Whether I fully realized it or not, I had a long journey ahead of me. The journey continues, no doubt, but I don’t think I could have written an effective story until now. I had so much left to discover about myself, and a great amount of healing to do.
Healing after trauma is anything but a straight line. It can be confusing, heart breaking, and chaotic. It happens in its own time as well. That being said, it won’t happen at all if you aren’t willing to become an excavator and do some digging. The deeper you get, the scarier it becomes. It’s dark, unknown, and uncomfortable. Your instincts will be to abandon your search. Stay on the surface. However, with the right help, you’ll be given a flashlight. You’ll be supported on your journey, no longer alone as you continue to dig a bit deeper each time you go on your search.
I had some amazing therapists who helped me on my search. But, for a long time, I think I tried looking for answers to the wrong questions. I often became obsessed with finding the answer to the question “why?” Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? What was it about me that made this man pick me? Why did some people treat me so poorly afterwards? Why did I live through this horrific event? What am I supposed to do with this? I would be lying if I said I still don’t want the answers to these questions, but I think I had to let them go to truly heal. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. What matters is I lived through this. In fact, I made the decision to live through this. So what was I going to do about it?
I knew for certain that I wasn’t going to let this man, this event, take over my life. I continued right where I left off. Three months later, I returned to college. Determined to finish my dance degree. I kept pushing forward. After I graduated, I continued to push forward. Trying my best not to live in the past. But the past, if not dealt with, always catches up to us.
About sixteen years after my attack, I knew that I still needed help. I knew there were things locked away in my psyche. Things so deeply hidden I couldn’t get to them on my own, but they were affecting me every day. And I was tired of it. I was referred to a trauma specialist and the work we did was deep. Profound. And some of the most difficult I’ve ever done. But it was so worth it.
Even after this deep work, I struggled. I still had some discoveries left to be made. I’m sure I still do. But all of this has led me here. To writing my story. As much as I had let the why’s and the what’s go, one question still remained. What am I going to do with this? I had always hoped in some way I could help others heal. But was writing my story enough? And who am I to even do such a thing?
If I’ve proven anything to myself after all this time, it’s that I don’t want fear to control me. I had to push through much in order to write my story. Thankfully, I was reminded that storytelling connects us as humans. It brings healing and hope. And that’s what mine could do for others. By being vulnerable, I could help others feel less alone. Be seen. And, in turn, help them gather the courage to tell their own story. It also deepened my own healing. I don’t think I fully know how much yet, but I do know I feel a new sense of release. A new sense of hope. And deeper sense of gratitude.
And that, more than anything, is what I want for each of us.
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Ever since Lynn Forney was a child, she loved to dance and perform. At just 3 years old, she wasn’t shy cheerleading in front of the crowd. She began taking formal dance classes at 8. Years later, she would attend a performing arts high school, and go on to receive a BFA with highest honors from the University of Florida. Since then, she has performed and choreographed for various dance companies around the South. While dancing, she wanted to expand into new territories and began taking acting classes. That led to having an agent and appearing in various movies and TV shows. She has also written, produced, directed, and starred in two short films, one of which is getting ready to enter the film festival circuit. She still pursues all of these interests and looks forward to combining these skills with her passion for healing through the arts.
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Choosing Survival: How I Endured a Brutal Attack and a Lifetime of Trauma through the Power of Action, Choice, and Self-Expression.
This story, my story, was not an easy one to tell. It has not been an easy one to live.
By 21, I had already had my fair share of struggles. Clinical depression often hid behind my smile, but, deep down, I never lost hope. Not really. As I began to heal and find my place in the world, something unthinkable happened.
I awoke with a man, a stranger, in my bed. Then he stabbed me. Seven times. I lost 21 pints of blood. Statistically, I should not have survived.
Yet here I am. Telling my story. Candidly, honestly, courageously. Hoping that I may help others do the same.
To heal. To hope. And above all else, to love.
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Category: Contemporary Women Writers, How To and Tips
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