Once Upon A Time

KISS ME SWAMI is Kathalynn’s riveting memoir about how she found herself in the midst of the zeitgeist, a protagonist swept into a series of cultural movements, including finding herself in Hollywood in the 60’s and 70’s, front-row center in an exploding sexual revolution and a lively scene shifting from Old Hollywood; living in the famed Dakota building in NYC where she counted Leonard Bernstein and John Lennon as neighbors; her lifelong friendship with comedy legend Garry Marshall; finding her way through the maze of the entertainment industry, where she also had close encounters with Troy Donahue, kissed Elvis, and learned how to eat spaghetti from Frank Sinatra; to her explorations into the Science of Mind and the Sedona Method which deepened her spiritual awareness, established her bona fides as a life coach and spiritual counselor, and forever broadened her world view.

We are delighted to feature her on WWWB! 
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I never planned to write about my life. I never kept a journal, despite often being told I should. After my divorce, at the age of sixty-one, I began seeing a therapist. In those sessions, I was given an assignment to write down stories about my life. My therapist was fascinated by all my adventures, especially the one with Elvis. He would say, “You turned down the King!” I would laugh. But really, up until that point it had never occurred to me that my life was something anyone would want to read about.

 I had done some academic writing in graduate school, but I had no experience or real skill when it came to the art of the story. So, I signed up for a beginner-level memoir-writing class at Gotham Writers in Manhattan. 

My instructor had reddish-pink hair, tattoos everywhere except her face (which was quite pretty), and so many piercings I feared that if she were to drink a glass of water, she’d spring leaks and sprinkle us all. My first thought about her was She will not like me or my writing!

My original concept for the book was that it would be a collection of light, funny anecdotes about my time in Hollywood and New York and my brushes with celebrities. I had no intention of bringing in anything too deeply personal. 

We were a class of about twelve, and twice during the semester, the students would read each other’s work and we’d meet to give and receive feedback. 

The day came where I got my critiques.  The class’s response to my work was mostly positive. The first guy who spoke told me he’d busted out a package of twinkies, popped open a bottle of wine, and laughed his ass off at my stories. Everyone else had similar things to say, except for one, a woman whose work I admired. I was hoping she would be a fan as well, but she hated it!  She told me it was fluff, and that I sounded like just another shallow woman, spoiled by good looks and good luck, who’d clearly had everything handed to her, and that reading it made her depressed and resentful.

 I was shaken. The whole point was to write a fun book to make people laugh, not make them feel bad about themselves and their lives. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I also certainly didn’t see myself the way she seemed to think I was coming across—but in taking a closer look, I also knew I hadn’t painted a full picture of myself or my life. 

I asked my instructor what she thought I should do. She told me that there was no right answer, it would simply come down to what I wanted to do with my book.   Either write a deeper and more relatable book or keep it fun and light like the fairy tale that some of it surely was. Many people, she said, would love to read that kind of book, including herself. She then went on to tell me how much she enjoyed it.  

It was at that point that the intention of the book changed. I decided not to just make my book fluff. I wanted to reach people emotionally as well as be merely entertaining. I wanted a book that people connected with and could grow from.  To do this, I would have to face my inner demons and take myself back through the doors of a rough childhood. I had to expose the ancient history that I’d pushed deep inside myself. I had to take my readers through it all, both the highs and the lows. I was raised to think that polite people didn’t air their dirty laundry, and so by opening up about certain truths like my mother’s alcoholism, I knew I might piss off some relatives. As much as I wanted my family’s approval, I felt ready to take the risk.   

The most challenging part was how to put in the overarching theme of spiritual growth, because it was the driving motivator in my life. The answer, of course, was everywhere, as truly every moment contains myriad hidden spiritual lessons!  

 With the help of my daughter Genevieve, a talented actress and writer, we dredged up my past and selected which pieces would enhance the story. I began to unwrap myself as I wheedled out the truth. I was both frightened and brave as I began my real journey toward freedom and walked with unguarded awareness through the doors of my past. 

When I pushed through the resistance, I learned that my life made more sense than I’d thought. For some time, I’d been sitting in judgement of my former self for some of the choices I’d made, but once reacquainted with the me of my past, I began to understand why I’d taken certain roads and gave myself some long-denied approval. 

The greatest gift for me in writing Kiss me Swami has been that my gratitude has expanded to include not only the fun, sexy parts of my journey but the whole of it. I am astonished at the experiences I have had and the people I’ve come to know along the way. My hope with this book is to entertain, inspire, and share with as many people as I can the tools, lessons, and insights that helped me get to where I am today. 

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KATHALYNN TURNER DAVIS has a Masters in Social Work from Columbia University. A life coach and spiritual counselor, she lives in Los Angeles.   Kiss Me Swami is her first book. 

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KISS ME SWAMI: THE SPIRITUAL EDUCATION OF A BEAUTY QUEEN

How did a chubby, sickly little girl from a working-class family in Maryland overcome her challenging beginnings and evolve into the woman who went on to check off every dream or aspiration – romance, celebrity, adventure — she ever conceived of?

KISS ME SWAMI: The Spiritual Education of a Beauty Queen (Silver Falcon Press; September 2019) by Kathalynn Turner Davis is the story of a woman’s quest for self-actualization…a modern, slightly less fantastical series of Wizard of Oz-like adventures, set against a backdrop of some of the most exciting times in American history. Pop culture enthusiasts will thrill to hear inside-Hollywood revelations and disclosures, but this is far more than a tell-all. More than anything else, this book speaks to the spiritual seeker in all of us.

Kathalynn divulges how her keen intuition and deep faith, walking the tightrope between destiny and choice, led her to manifest each desire, one after another. “I am as susceptible to fear and doubt as the next person,” Kathalynn acknowledges. “My belief in myself and my potential was continually at war with my insecurities, which won their share of battles. But overall, my life has turned out to uncannily reflect those early, persistent wishes.”

As a small child, Kathalynn had a crystal-clear vision of where she wanted her life to go. The circumstances from which these aspirations grew often appeared bleak: a good-hearted but alcoholic mother, an emotionally stunted ex-military father, a con-artist brother, and a chronic bronchial infection for which she endured numerous protracted hospitalizations. As a preteen, urged on by her father, she competed in beauty pageants, which led her at age 16 to Palisades Park, New Jersey, to compete for the Miss American Teenager title. That night, as she looked across the river and caught her first glimpse of the New York City skyline, it was love at first sight. It was also the night she was introduced to pop singer Brian Hyland, who ignited a passion that propelled her move to Los Angeles three years later, just in time to find herself front-row center in an exploding sexual revolution and a lively scene shifting from Old Hollywood to new approaches to acting and film, along with its darker side, evidenced in the Tate murders.

Her first Los Angeles audition landed her a role in the movie The Grasshopper and launched a lifelong friendship with comedy legend Garry Marshall. Finding her way through the maze of the entertainment industry, she also had close encounters with Troy Donahue, kissed Elvis, and learned how to eat spaghetti from Frank Sinatra.

But at 23, Kathalynn, digging deeper, ditched Hollywood glitz for New York grit. She studied under renowned acting teacher Stella Adler, married a doctor, started a family, and lived in the famous Dakota building by Central Park, where she beamed as friend and neighbor Leonard Bernstein held her children on his lap while playing piano, and experienced the trauma of being within earshot of the gunfire that killed neighbor John Lennon.

New York, a center for the self-help revolution, had much to offer seeker Kathalynn, whose explorations into the Science of Mind and the Sedona Method deepened her spiritual awareness, established her bona fides as a life coach and spiritual counselor, and forever broadened her world view. From there, a second marriage prompted a move to Greenwich, CT, and the life of a Stepford wife—right smack in the mid ‘80s, when Wall Street roared.

With humor and candor, Kathalynn reveals how she learned to trust her inner strength and wisdom, let go of her troubled past, and connect with larger and deeper spiritual forces.

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: Contemporary Women Writers, On Writing