Searching For My Voice In An Empty Nest
“Most people who experience midlife crisis have spent their entire lives raising a family or working on a career. They haven’t had the time or the capacity to ask the important questions in life. Eventually, something triggers the question, ‘Is this all there is?’ “
Not long ago, I came across this quote by Mateo Sol and it resonated deeply for me. Making my way through midlife and settling into my own empty nest were the triggers for my exploring the life changes in my debut novel RUNNING WITH OUR EYES CLOSED.
In 2013 my nest emptied out – the youngest of my two sons headed east to play football at the University of Kentucky. My oldest son was living in LA, pursuing his dream of working in the film industry. My world was rocked. Who was I now that my full-time job had walked out the door? I’d lost my job and honestly had no idea what the next years of my life would or should look like. Marriage, home, and family – all of it came into question.
I struggled, really struggled, and that in itself was new territory. But it was that period of discontent that prompted me to dig deeper – to ask the really important questions. I made turn after turn trying to find my way back to who I was before the stay-at-home role defined my life for me. And, most importantly, I had to decide who I wanted to be now that the role itself had changed. As I stumbled along on my journey, a bit bruised and wearied, I began to pay particularly close attention to my peers, male and female, who were equally challenged by the same questions.
During this time, RUNNING WITH OUR EYES CLOSED began to evolve. I watched friends moving through the same turbulent waters – all of us trying to figure out what the hell was next. Whatever the approach, whatever the result, the motivation was the same – we were all trying to create a new life – one that wasn’t completely centered on our children. Some marriages survived, others didn’t.
Eventually, I returned to my lifelong passion of writing. I’d been a copywriter and producer in television and radio before choosing to stay at home full time to raise my children. Writing had always been there for me – to escape – to release – to forgive – to forget – to understand… The words always found their way out of my head, my heart and on to paper, but now it was a computer screen.
My main character, Samantha, came to life during this period. Flawed and vulnerable, she embodies midlife and motherhood. Midlife crisis is defined, in part, as a loss of self-confidence and feeling of anxiety or disappointment. Samantha is conflicted, happy with the success of her children,but overwhelmed with sadness, and the feelings of inadequacy and fear of what’s next for her – what’s left for her in life. The important questions!
There are compelling similarities between our current Instagram-filtered, immediate gratification-driven lives and the insecurities we feel as we enter the empty nest phase. Is the life we are left with, our spouse, our reality, really all there is? At this time in our lives we seem to become acutely focused on what we believe is missing, adding to the feelings of emptiness. The images and messages we are inundated with daily can feed our insecurities. Let’s be honest, no one posts pictures of their bad days, stories of the family feuds, the fears, the questions – REAL LIFE! But the download is complete and the idea that somehow we’ve got it wrong is set. We allow the “perfect worlds” we see on social media to define us. Now what?!
RUNNING WITH OUR EYES CLOSED is the story of a couple coming face to face with midlife. Not a crisis so much as a milestone that they find themselves in the middle of and unsure of what to do now. It feels like it just happens, and yet it’s been happening since the day they met. The children have all gone. The house that was filled with laughter, friends, events, plans – FAMILY – is now empty. Now it’s just the two of them and the questions. What will the future hold? Who are they separately and together?
The first volume takes place over seven days in Italy. Samantha and Michael are successful financially and socially; they appear to have the ‘perfect’ life. I chose the setting and their place in life because I wanted to explore the “green grass” fantasy we have of life always being better if we just do or have something more.
Samantha and Michael’s story is fiction, but for all of us who have raised our children and now stand in an empty doorway as we send them along on their way, the void is real.
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About RUNNING WITH OUR EYES CLOSED
Dallas socialite Samantha spends a week in Italy, prepared to leave the last twenty-five years of her life behind. Both Samantha and her husband Michael have struggled as empty nesters. Deeply conflicted, with three children now living on their own, Samantha is unsure about what her future will look like.
Michael, she soon discovers, has secrets and an agenda of his own that could change their lives forever. Life has had its way with them and nothing is quite what they’d imagined it to be. Over seven days in one of the most romantic countries in the world they attempt to define their new roles as a couple and as individuals. What becomes of a family when the children leave and the only thing holding them together are memories?
Get the book HERE
Mel Greenberg is the married mother of two sons in their early twenties. She worked as a copywriter and producer in radio and television before having children and making the decision to stay at home with them full-time.
Four years ago she became an empty nester, and she struggled to find her voice and direction. Ultimately, it was her passion for writing and the discovery that she was not alone that led her to write “Running With Our Eyes Closed.” It is the first installment of a series exploring her characters’ struggle to redefine their lives as empty nesters.
When she’s not visiting her boys, and traveling the world, Mel enjoys life in the Southwest with her husband Dean, her beloved English Bulldog Bruno, and German Shepherd Grazia.
https://www.facebook.com/MELMediallc/
Twitter @melgreenberg17
Category: On Writing
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