Seasoned Romance Empowers us All

A decade ago my friends and I started a monthly gathering called “Dirty Old Women.” There we were, in our fifties and sixties, reading our sexy stories to a packed audience in a California bookstore. Women in their thirties would thank us afterwards because everywhere else they went, the message they heard was romance and sexuality end for women at forty.

The reality, of course, is that one’s sixties can be a time of romantic and sexual exploration. There’s a reason why anti-ageism activist Eleanor Mills calls us “Queenagers.” As Virginia Woolf famously said, “The older one gets, the more one likes indecency.” Another of my sheroes, Gray Panther founder Maggie Kuhn, put it thusly: “Learning and sex until rigor mortis.” 

All well and good, but the culture is still catching up. Yes, Grace and Frankie was a great showcase for vibrant older women. Yes, Emma Thompson was amazing in Leo Grande, and yes, Julia Dreyfus’ podcast, Wiser than Me, is terrific. Even the Netflix hit Bridgerton flirts with a romance for Violet the matriarch. But the Geena Davis Institute, which tracks data about such things, reports that the percentage of older women portrayed in the media remains far lower than in the population. And when we do appear onscreen, we are disproportionately shown as demented or dying–and very seldom shown in a romance.

Not surprising, then, that even though most readers of Romance novels are women over 45, the characters in the books they read are typically in their twenties–the age of the readers’ children. Online reviews of the few available Seasoned Romance novels say things like this:

• “There are not enough books with mature characters; therefore, I jumped on this one.”
• “Reading the word ‘menopause’ in a Romance novel is rewarding.”
• “Being a woman who is now a part of the senior population, I deeply appreciate reading books with characters who live with the same hopes and dreams.”

The absence of older women characters in fiction, and especially Romance fiction, has historically been linked to resistance from publishers. 

• When Nan Reinhardt’s agent pitched her first novel in 2019, editors at several publishing houses asked the writer to knock two decades off the ages of her main characters. Reinhardt refused. Once More from the Top became a best seller and the first in her popular series, “The Women of Willow Bay.”
• Author Lynne Spreen switched to writing Romance because, as she put it, “I want to read about people my age, or at least over fifty. The wide-eyed newby isn’t as compelling to me as the woman or man who has been kicked around a bit. Who has suffered, learned, and grown.” 
• Writer Sandra Antonelli points to bias in the publishing industry. One editor even said to her, “No one wants to read granny sex.” 

As independent publishing has opened the door to marginalized writers, publishing gatekeepers have lost income and thus seen the error of their ways. Traditional publishing now has categories like “Seasoned Romance” and “Later Life Romance.” And even better, women-run publishing houses like Vinspire and Sibylline Press seek out love stories by and about women over fifty.

Another challenge is how older women see ourselves (and write about ourselves). Who among us has not internalized at least some of the gendered ageism in the culture? But if we want to be seen as the vibrant women we are, then we must make that happen. Romance fiction with older characters is not only important for today’s cohort of older women but also for women coming up.

Imagine being a dedicated Romance reader who ages out of the characters she has been reading for years. What kind of message is she getting, if she cannot find books about women the age she’s become, or the age she will soon be? Sandra Antonelli, who wrote her graduate thesis on older women in fiction, sees Seasoned Romance as a way for women to reinforce more accurate perceptions of women over fifty as inherently sexy people. She points out that these depictions are valuable for young women, too, as a way to envision a positive future.

The motto of the Geena Davis Institute is: “If she can see it, she can be it.” And whether a Romance reader is twenty or eighty, she should be able to find books with characters her age. I suggest to the frustrated reader that she write her own sexy story. The unmet demand for Romance novels with older characters creates a real opportunity for novice and established authors. That is the thinking behind my new book, Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance, a step-by-step guide to create, edit, publish and market a Romance novel about characters later in life. I’m excited by the response from reviewers, and from readers who are already using this resource to write their first Seasoned Romance.

Creating a story with vibrant older characters is a win/win. Writing it pushes back on the ageist ideas we’ve internalized from the culture around us. Publishing it pushes back on the ageism in the culture. Plus, writing Romance is a blast. You are cordially invited to the fun revolution.

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Stella Fosse is the nom de plume of an author of a certain age who writes sexy stories as a creative antidote to the gendered ageism women face in society. She is a frequent podcast guest and is published in many online venues. She blogs about creativity, romance, and older women’s health.

Stella’s previous book on writing is Aphrodite’s Pen: The Power of Writing Erotica after Midlife. Her story collection, The Erotic Pandemic Ball, explores romance in quarantine. Her novel Brilliant Charming Bastard is a romantic escapade through the San Francisco biotech scene. Her second novel, Vampires of a Certain Age, celebrates the love life of a 500-year-old woman. With her new book, Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance, Stella continues to inspire the creativity of Women of a Certain Age.

Stella’s books are available at your local bookseller and your favorite online place.  She shares her writing, as well as resources to empower women past midlife, at www.stellafosse.com. You can also find Stella Fosse on:  

Facebook:  facebook.com/StellaFosseAuthor

Instagram:  instagram.com/stella.fosse

X:        twitter.com/stellafosse

LinkedIn:   linkedin.com/in/StellaFosse

Substack: https://stellafosse.substack.com

Write & Sell A Well-Seasoned Romance

The complete roadmap to craft and promote late-life love stories. Covers every aspect from writing to marketing and selling.
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Half of Romance readers are over fifty, yet few Romance novels reflect their vivid lives and experience.
*Write & Sell a Well-Seasoned Romance* is your roadmap to craft and share a vibrant late-life love story.
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Tags: featured, women writers

Category: Contemporary Women Writers, How To and Tips