Shared History

At 7:30 a.m. on a summer morning, the northern Wisconsin air did not yet hint at the promise of another typically beautiful day. Our twelve-year-old selves, denied the future pleasures of hot coffee, had stoked ourselves with pancakes and bacon.

Dressed in the camp uniform of blue shorts and white blouses, some of us with navy cardigans to ward off the lingering chill, we made our way to the platform, picked up our .22 caliber rifles and lay down. Ahead of us-it wouldn’t have been more than fifty feet-were an array of targets. My goal that day was to continue to move through the NRA-designed program and also move into a sitting position with a qualifying score.

Camp Whispering Pines for Girls was a full-throttle camp that offered instruction in a variety of water and land sports. I was a middle-class klutz with no talent for tennis, no build for competitive swimming, no chance of winning a footrace and enthusiasm but little experience on the back of a horse. But I could handle a rifle. It felt natural. It helped me focus. I understood the concept of the easy breath, the slow pull, the steadying opposition of the rifle butt kicking against the shoulder, and most of all, the exhilaration of hitting the target.

My uncle was an outdoorsman and a hunter, so I had a chance to fire a rifle at other times of the year. I never went hunting with him; I couldn’t bring myself to shoot at an animal, even a duck. But Uncle Bob was as enamored of sport shooting as I was. At his farm, we took aim at bottles and cans lined up on a fence and even clay pigeons shot into the air. Sometimes we used pistols but honestly, I was always most at ease with a rifle.

I had fun for a while. I impressed a high school boyfriend or two by winning a couple of stuffed animals at the State Fair. I briefly joined the National Rifle Association as a junior member. For eight years, I indulged my interest in marksmanship. Then the times changed and so did I. Physically and philosophically, target practice no longer attracted me.

Much later, after several intermediary careers, I’ve discovered writing produces a parallel sense of accomplishment. My “target” is a story with a voice, one that transcends the material and reaches the reader. Of course, it helps to write what you know. My two non-fiction books were both prompted by my experiences as a “9/11 widow”-how the death of my husband changed and didn’t change me, how it altered and didn’t alter the culture.

Fiction, I’ve learned, is trickier. As author, I have to relate to the characters I am creating if I expect my readers to do the same. It also helps if I can understand on some level what makes them tick.

Suzanne Foster is the protagonist who anchors my suspense novel, The Former Assassin. She’s a wife and a mother. She’s survived a neglected childhood, time living on the street, a stint in the Army, and twenty-five years in service to a criminal for whom she killed. She struggles with moral quandaries related to her career that I’ve never had to face. Nothing in her resume accords with my personal history.

Well, almost nothing. Suzanne and I have both known loss. We’ve both been rendered helpless by ill-advised choices and worse, choices denied. We’ve experienced the redemptive power of love, the frustration of moving beyond one’s history, the unbidden rage that lives just beneath the surface, and the ever-present awareness of our own mortality.

Moreover, we both know how it feels to shoot a rifle, not out of anger or fear or even duty but simply for the joy of it.
—

Nikki is the author of Hope in Small Doses, a 2015 Eric Hoffer finalist for books that provoke, inspire and redirect thought, and Because I Say So: Moral Authority’s Dangerous Appeal, as well as dozens of short stories, many of which have appeared online and in print. Her essays are included in three anthologies on contemporary culture and she’s co-author on the Cafe Noir interactive murder mystery series, published by Samuel French. The Former Assassin, Nikki’s first novel, has garnered strong reviews. She’s finished the first book in a mystery/sci-fi series about an unusual crime fighter named Samantha Tate.

About THE FORMER ASSASSIN

“An explosive page-turner which owes its momentum to it two well-drawn opponents and a conflict that goes beyond good-vs.-evil.” ~IndieReader, Four Star review
“Later turns in the smashing final act come at a searing pace.” ~ Kirkus Reviews
“Keeps readers guessing the outcome right up to its conclusion.” ~D. Donovan Midwest Book Review

Susan Foster wants to retire. Her boss wants her dead.

After decades as Victor Kemp’s off-the books killer, Suzanne finally quits. Not until five years later does Kemp discover how thoroughly she’s deceived him. Determined to punish her, he tracks her to Wales to watch her die. Instead, he walks into a trap.

Believing themselves safe at last, Suzanne and her family relocate to London, where she hopes to find the peace that has eluded her for so long. Her son is engaged to a nobleman’s daughter; her husband has a good job with British Intelligence. Yet she still struggles with restless dreams and the premonition that her nemesis has survived.

He has: Kemp, though severely injured, is rebuilding his empire and plotting revenge. He’s prepared to risk everything to end the former assassin. He may not be the only one.

Suzanne has no choice: to protect those she loves, she will be forced to kill again. Assassins, it seems, can never retire.

“A riveting read from start to finish. Very highly recommended, well-done production that keeps readers guessing the outcome right up to its conclusion.” ~ D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review

“An often-rousing tale with a many-layered protagonist.” ~ Kirkus Reviews

Tags: featured, women writers

Category: On Writing